Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire

WELCOME TO THE CASTLE OF COUNT KRELSKI.

RELEASE HER, YOU MONSTER!

YOU FOOL.

SHE CANNOT HEAR YOU.

YOUR PRECIOUS MARIA IS IN MY POWER NOW.

MARIA, MY DARLING, COME TO ME.

OUR LOVE IS MORE POWERFUL THAN A VAMPIRE'S TRANCE.

COME TO ME.

COME TO ME, MARIA.

TRUE LOVE.

HOW QUAINT.

YOU'VE FORGOTTEN ONE THING, KRELSKI.

Krelski: NO, VICTOR.

IT IS YOU WHO HAVE FORGOTTEN.

LISTEN.

LISTEN TO THE NIGHT,

AND HEAR A SONG

THAT WILL CHILL YOUR SOUL.

AAH.

RUN, MARIA. RUN!

HELLO.

HI, PETER. I WAS HOPING YOU'D CALL.

COULD YOU DO THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE?

THANKS.

HEY, COME ON. THIS IS THE REVENGE OF COUNT KRELSKI.

NO, IT'S NOT.

IT'S THE REVENGE OF CHELSEA HANSEN.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NO. IT'S JUST MY DUMB BROTHER

WATCHING SOME VAMPIRE MOVIE.

Both: DO YOU THINK A MERE MORTAL

CAN STAND UP TO ME?!

TO COUNT KRELSKI?!

WHY SHOULD I GO UPSTAIRS?

ADAM SHOULD GO UPSTAIRS.

Both: PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM.

PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM.

Mom: HEY, KIDS. SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG GETTING HOME.

ADAM.

MOM.

HEY, COME ON. THAT WAS JUST GETTING GOOD.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME. IS THAT PETER?

IT MOST CERTAINLY IS.

Mom: COULD YOU TELL HIM YOU'LL CALL HIM BACK

AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED YOUR HOMEWORK.

I GOTTA GO. MY MOM'S HOME.

OH, NO.

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE WATCHING THE MOVIE.

ADAM SAID IT WAS OK.

YOU KNOW TAYLOR'S SCARED OF MONSTERS.

NO, I'M NOT.

THAT'S JUST WHERE I LIKE TO SIT.

I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE ANY NIGHTMARES, HONEY.

Adam: SEE, THAT'S THE THING.

I BELIEVE THAT WATCHING THE REVENGE OF COUNT KRELSKI

IS AN EFFECTIVE WAY FOR TAYLOR

TO COME TO TERMS WITH HIS FEAR.

AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, THAT IS A PG MOVIE.

THAT MEANS GUIDANCE FROM ME...

THE PARENTAL...

OR WHATEVER.

DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME MAKE DINNER?

YEAH. OK.

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO, HOMEWORK, UPSTAIRS, NOW.

MOMS. MOMS.

KIDS.

VAMPIRES.

COOL.

UM...

COME IN.

HEY, HAVE YOU GOT A MINUTE?

UH, YEAH. JUST DOING MY HOMEWORK.

I'VE GOT SOME NEWS.

WHAT'S UP?

WELL, SEE, HONEY,

WHEN PEOPLE GET DIVORCED--

HEY, IS THAT DAD'S WEDDING INVITATION?

YOU KNEW?

OH, YEAH. HE TOLD ME LAST WEEKEND

WHEN HE TOOK ME TO THE FOOTBALL GAME.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER?

YEAH, THEY KNOW, TOO.

TAYLOR'S BRINGING IN THE RINGS OR SOMETHING.

DIDN'T YOU KNOW?

NO, I DIDN'T.

WELL, I GUESS I REHEARSED THAT SPEECH FOR NOTHING.

DINNER'LL BE READY IN 10.

MOM?

YOU'RE STILL THE BOMB.

IS THAT GOOD? YEAH.

THANKS.

SATURDAY NIGHT. ARE YOU UP?

WHAT'S SATURDAY NIGHT?

HELLO? THE HARVEST FESTIVAL.

I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, I GUESS.

YOU GUESS?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THE HEADLESS HORSEMEN ARE PLAYING.

YEAH, BUT THAT'S BEEN SOLD OUT FOR WEEKS, MAN.

DIDN'T I TELL YOU?

MY BROTHER THINKS HE CAN GET US TICKETS.

NO, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME.

OH, YEAH. HE'S ANSWERING PHONES AT THE RADIO STATION NOW.

JUST SAYING MAYBE.

DUDE! JUST MAYBE.

SEE YOU AFTER CLASS.

YEAH, I HEARD ABOUT THAT.

SEE YOU AFTER CLASS.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS. LET'S TALK HOMEWORK.

SINCE IT WAS ONLY A ONE-PAGE ESSAY,

I AM GOING TO ASSUME THAT YOU ALL DID IT.

WHO'S GOT SOMETHING THEY'D LIKE TO READ IN FRONT OF THE CLASS?

ALL THE USUAL SUSPECTS.

OK, HANDS DOWN.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

LET'S GO OFF THE MAP

TO A COUNTRY WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM IN A WHILE.

"WHO I ADMIRE MOST,"

AN ESSAY BY ADAM HANSEN.

UH, CAN--CAN I TAKE A RAIN CHECK?

I'VE STILL GOT SOME PROBLEMS, YOU KNOW,

JUST WITH THE WAY IT FLOWS.

ADAM, I'M SURE IT FLOWS JUST BEAUTIFULLY.

YEAH. RIGHT.

Adam: ALL RIGHT.

"ARE VAMPIRES REAL?

"THERE ARE THOSE WHO BELIEVE THEY ARE.

"WHAT IF VAMPIRES WALK THE EARTH?

"WHO CAN STOP THEM?

"ONE MAN--

"MALACHI VAN HELSING,

"A NOTED HEMATOLOGIST

"WHO ABANDONED HIS THRIVING NEW YORK CITY PRACTICE

"TO DEVOTE HIS LIFE TO HUNTING DOWN THE UNDEAD,

"THE VAMPIRES THAT VAN HELSING HIMSELF

BELIEVES WALK AMONG US."

ARE YOU MAKING THIS UP?

NO. IT'S RIGHT HERE IN THE WEEKLY SECRET.

SEE?

OH, YES, I SEE. RIGHT BESIDE THE STORY

OF THE BABY WHO WAS RAISED BY ORANGUTANS.

RIGHT. YEAH.

DUDE, I HEARD YOU PULLED OUT A COPY

OF THE WEEKLY SECRET IN YOUR HISTORY CLASS.

YEAH, SO?

JUST 'CAUSE YOU READ SOMETHING IN THE WEEKLY SECRET

DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT TRUE.

ACTUALLY, IT KINDA DOES, ADAM.

WHATEVER.

SO WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR BROTHER?

ARE WE GOING TO THE SHOW?

THE RADIO STATION?

THE HEADLESS HORSEMEN?

OH! RIGHT.

HE DIDN'T GET THE TICKETS.

HE GOT US BACKSTAGE PASSES!

BACKSTAGE PASSES?!

YEAH, MY BROTHER'S DRIVING.

00.

HI, MOM.

COULD YOU COME IN HERE FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?

YEAH, SURE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

SIT DOWN.

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE

WITH YOUR HISTORY TEACHER, MRS. CRUSON.

SHE TOLD ME THAT YOU DIDN'T DO YOUR ASSIGNMENT

AND THAT YOU THREW SOMETHING TOGETHER

BASED ON A MADE-UP STORY IN THE WEEKLY SECRET.

I THINK WE NEED TO LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE HERE, LYNETTE.

EXCUSE ME?

SINCE WHEN DO YOU CALL ME LYNETTE?

I'M JUST TRYING TO DIALOG HERE.

YOU'RE 13 YEARS OLD.

YOU DON'T DIALOG.

AND THE BIGGER PICTURE IS

I TOLD YOU TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK

AND YOU DIDN'T DO IT.

I GOT A HANDLE ON IT.

NO, YOU DON'T. YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A HANDLE ON IT.

I'M NOT A BABY.

NO, BUT YOU ARE A KID,

AND YOU'RE PART OF THIS FAMILY,

AND THE RULE IN THIS FAMILY IS

IF YOU DON'T DO YOUR HOMEWORK, YOU'RE GROUNDED.

MOM!

BUSTED.

JUST FOR THE WEEKEND.

BUT DUFFY GOT BACKSTAGE PASSES

TO THE HEADLESS HORSEMEN CONCERT!

WELL, THEN I HOPE DUFFY DID HIS HOMEWORK.

NO, I MEAN, DUFFY GOT ME ONE, TOO.

PLEASE MAY I HAVE YOUR PERMISSION

TO ATTEND A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME MUSICAL EVENT.

CAN'T TALK YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE.

EXCUSE ME.

THIS IS BETWEEN YOUR BROTHER AND ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT.

I SHOULD BE GROUNDED.