The Singing Detective

That the guy

That's the guy.

Does he get to screw her first?

Sure. She can be coming and going at the same time.

What's your poison?

Saucer of milk.

This looks like a cathouse.

Think of it as a kennel.

Consider it thunk.

So...

How much is that doggie in the window?

Which one?

Lot of mongrels, this place.

The one with the waggedy tail.

l do hope that doggie's for sale.

Dee dum!

lt's a crummy tune, mister.

But otherwise...

Otherwise?

l'm your fluffy little pooch.

What'd you say?

Okay, so you want to be a dog.

No, no, l just want to shit on the sidewalk.

How much is that doggie in the window?

The one with the waggley tail.

Hey. l like Patti Page.

But does she like you?

We're in business.

Come on, l got you,

-l got you. -What are you, new?

Yeah, l been dealing with you for three months.

Close the blinds.

All right, l'll get the blinds in a minute

if you'll give me a second.

Close the fucking blinds!

That fuck.

Do you know who l am?

l'm the Singing Detective.

Quote, come on, exclamation mark come on, comma, bitch,

exclamation mark, unquote, he panted...

Come on!

Come on, bitch!

Oh, yeah, yeah!

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

He panted...

as he drove his...

throbbing... into her...

What the fuck you trying to do?

Tear me open, what?

ls the water? What is that?

What is that?

Let go! No!

l don't want a parrot that talks

l don't want a bowl of little fishies

He can't take a goldfish for a walk

How much is that doggie in the window?

The one with the waggley tail?

How much is that doggie in the window?

l do hope that doggie's for sale

No...

That's wrong. That's my...

She's my...

Woman love, hey, hey, hey

Hey, woman love, hey, hey, hey

Hey, woman love, hey, hey, hey

Hey, woman love, hey, hey, hey

Hey, woman love, hey, hey, hey

Well, l went to my doctor not so long ago

A-walkin' in a circle and moanin' low

He looked at me and said, ''Good Lord above, son

You need a vaccination of a-woman love''

You are... Mr...?

Dark.

Daniel Dark. Very inflamed.

How are you feeling today?

Extensive lesions.

Temperature through the roof. Difficult case.

We moved him to a private room after several

disruptive outbursts. How long have you had

psoriatic arthropathy...?

''Ow wrong?''

Since Pearl Harbor.

26 years.

And do you have much movement

-in your joints? -Not very...

Hydrocortisone injections all major joints

including the toes.

And the history?

-Oh, initially, coal tar. -Right.

-Then gold injections. -Mm-hmm.

Butazolodin, lndomethocine.

Not successful.

The courses Prednisone, Prednisolone,

lengthening. PUVA, not successful.

Then Methotrexate

after positive liver biopsies.

Oh, well, then, excuse me. Much nausea?

Do you, uh, vomit, yes, mm?

Y-yeah...

lnduced neutrophenia. Wart-like lesions.

Removed. Withdrawn.

You're, uh...

he's hyper...

You're hyperventilating.

Um, are you experiencing some kind of visual dislocations?

-Mind tripping? -l think...

Oh, yesterday he said there was a dog in the bed,

uh, chewing his ankles.

Okay, things are not good here.

Um, how do you feel about

Mr...

Dark, how would you feel about one of the new Retinoids?

Hmm?

lt... it-it wasn't my ankles.

lt was chewing my balls.

l see.

But what l'm asking you is if you understand the question...

No! l don't!

Because l have regressed into

the pathetic condition of total dependency, Doc.

ln short, and in the vernacular,

l'm a fucking kid again.

The last time l had

to endure anything this demeaning

was in my baby-buggy.

l was drooled over by slobbering cretins...

-Mr. Dark! -who apparently escaped

from the local cuckoo house.

They thought they were doctors and nurses.

What, uh...

what exactly did you, uh...

what'd you do for a-a living, Mr., what, l forget his name...

Dark?

What did l do?

l'm an author.

Oh... oh.

l didn't realize...

Dan Dark.

Trash that doesn't sell.

Detective stories about a gumshoe

who warbles.

Well, that sounds interesting.

Um, what... what...?

Hey, listen to me.

Please, please...

W-What is it?

Will you please listen?

l can't talk lying flat out like this.

l need... help to sit up, please.

Oh. Well, help him up.

You know, l-l really, um...

You understand, l'm on a very tight schedule...

-Listen... -There you go.

Listen... listen...

listen!

l'm no hero, and l've reached the end.

Of what?

My tether.

Oh, come on!

F...!

l'd like...

Christ, l'd like to get out of it, but l can't!

Listen! l can't s... l can't stand it,

l really truly can't stand any... more!

l can't get on top of it, l can't think straight,

and l can't tell what is from what isn't,

and if l don't tell someone,

if l don't admit it, l'll never get out of it.

Oh, l'm sorry...

Oh, the shame.

The tears...

All this oozing, useless liquid, it just hurts my... skin.

My face, and...

and when l laugh, it hurts my jaw.

l'm a prisoner inside my...

...my own skin.

On the hop!

Librium.

Valium.

Antidepressants.

And the barbiturates, of course.

Bah, bah, bah, bah

Bah, bah, bah, bah

Bah, bah, bah, bah

Bah, bah, bah, bah

At the hop

Well, you can rock it, you can roll it

Do the stop and even stroll it

-At the hop -Hop, hop, hop, hop

When the record starts spinning

You calypso when you chicken at the hop

Hop, hop, hop, hop

Do the dance sensation that is sweeping the nation

-At the hop -Hop, hop, hop, hop

Let's go to the hop

Let's go to the hop, oh, baby

Let's go to the hop, oh, baby

Let's go to the hop