Modern Family

Ah.

Listen to those birds.

Mm.

I love it out here. It's so peaceful.

We should have done this months ago.

I'm gonna go for a run.

Okay. Let's justmake sure it's safe.

Okay.

Okay, now! Go now!

Phil: Four days ago,

Claire and I moved out here to the driveway.

The house exceeded maximum capacity

when Alex moved back home.

She quit her fancy job

for something low-paying and ethical!

Yay.

Between her, Luke, Dylan,Haley, and the twins,

things have devolvedinto total chaos.

Alex! Open up!

My hair is drying, and I haven't put any product in yet.

Alex: Go use Dad's!

Ugh! Can I get like two minutes to myself?!

Phil: Oh, my God!

Hey!

You woke up the babies, you idiot!

Luke: Dylan: Haley!

Great, now he'sup.

Darn it, Luke. That was my foot!

Who made macaroni and cheese and left it out?

Sorry, Mrs. D.That was me and Luke.

But in our defense, we were high

and got spooked byyour German dishwasher.

Well, now the entire kitchen is covered with ants,

and so am I.

God, I got to take a shower.

Well, good luck with that. No more hot water.

Yep! Gonna lose a toenail.

There goes sandal season!

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and brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.

Oh.

Mitchell: Do you love it?

Oh, my God!You've gotten so much done.

Well, I wanted to finish it before the housewarming.

It looks so good.

Thank you! I swear it's this place.

It -- It makes me better at things.

I -- Yesterday, I threw my T-shirt

at the laundry basket, yelled, "Money!"

and it almost went in.

It's been a weirdand wonderful month.

We adopted a baby boy.

Yeah, and we moved into a new home,

which we love so much,

we named our son after our street.

Rexford.Rex Tucker-Pritchett.

With a name like that, he can be anything he wants --

a quarterback, a running back, a middle linebacker.

Oh, he -- he's got big feet.

Maybe he could be a kicker.

Why don't you believe in him, Mitchell?

This is crazy!

We're out of everything!

Is that the last of the cereal?

Oh, we haven't had cereal in days.

This is formula over croutons.

They're grrrrrross!

Ooh, coffee dust.

Ew!

Don't -- Don't judge me!

You've been wearing bathing suits for underwear

since the washing machine broke.

I wish I hada clean bathing suit.

I had to cut leg holes into a shower cap.

Do I have coffee in my teeth?

Mm. Arvin wants to meet

before I sign the contract, for some reason.

Ooh.

I bet I know the reason why.

'Cause he wants to get with you.

No, he does not. He's about to be my boss.

Which is why he wantsto talk before you sign.

Nowadays, you get in troublefor dating at work

unless it's a pre-existingrelationship.

I know this becauseI had to go to an HR thing

thanks to some smoking-hot janitor

who can't takea compliment.

Married mother of two, and you are insane.

Eh.

Arvin doesn't see me that way.

I mean, d-does he, do you think?

Yes!

He gets all nervous

and yammerywhen he's around you.

How do you stillnot know you're a babe?

Well, I mean, you did call me a frumpy nerd for 20 years.

Well, I didn't stopbecause I got nicer.

Who ate all the formula and croutons?

Where are Mom and Dad? We need food.

Wait. What's that smell?

Phil!

Bacon?They're gonna smell that.

Oh, my God! I didn't think about that!

Quick! Eat it!

Ow! Worth it.

Ow! Worth it.

Hey! They have food!

And coffee. Are you guys living in here?

Mom, I need to borrow some underwear.

It's not my fault. I tried to stop him.

Stop who? What happened?

Ay, your hair! Where is it?!

Dad took me to his barber.

It was so cool!

Have you heard of Playboy?

I'm going to kill him!

It gets worse.

He went rogue on Mitch and Cam's housewarming gift.

So, he didn't buythe coffee table book

about Los Angelesthrough the decades?

Jay: Check this out!

Oh, my God!See?

You don't get that reaction

from a picture of a dusty guy

picking oranges on Sunset Boulevard.

That's the ugliest thingI've ever seen.

But I like my hair!

No, not you, sweetie.You're perfect.

And no womanwill ever deserve you.

Hey, I don't know if you journal,

but you might want to dog-ear today's page

for your future therapist.

Jay, you can't be buyinghome décor things for gays.

Mitch and Cam aregoing to hate this thing!

No, they won't.

The guys are gonna love it.

Just like Joe loves his haircut.Ay.

Everybody's gonna thinkthat he has lice.

I hope not.

Bad hygiene is one of Miss September's

three biggest turn-offs.

Mitchell!

I love this house!

Do you love it? Say you love it.

I do. I love it.

I love the flow. Ah!

I love the lights. I love the location.

There -- There's even a karaoke room in the basement.

So fun!

The last time I hada hot Mike in my basement --

You know what? I'm gonna wait till

there are more people here.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, the baby's awake.

Do -- Do you want to meet him?

I do. I can ask himif he liked our gift.

We never heard.

Hello?

Mr. Tucker. It's Jim Alvarez.

Athletic Director from

the University of North Central Missouri.

Uh, yes, of course. How -- How can I help you?

This is a bit of an awkward call.

As you know, you were the runner-up

for our head coaching job.

Uh, yes, yes, and, uh, you know,

Coach Ashley is a-a great guy, great choice.

No hard feelings. I actually --

I sent him a bottle of congratulatory scotch.

Well, he drank it.

Then he did a press conference

where he used some colorful language

to address a female reporter

and blamed some things on the Jews.

Oh, my.

The point is, uh,

the job is yours, if you still want it.

S-- I'm -- I'm sorry. W-What?

I know this is coming at you fast,

but I'll need an answer by the end of the day,

so talk it over with the mister

and, uh, let me know.

Um, uh, yes. O-Ok-- Uh, yes.

Okay, thank-- thank you very -- thank you very much.

Ronaldo: Look at him! He's perfect!

Mitchell: I know. I know. It's all perfect.

It's like the universe gave me everything I wanted.

Okay, family meeting.

Please. Sit down. Dylan, please. Thank you.

Now, um,

this is gonna sound harsh.

No -- No parent

with half a heart wants to say this,

so, Claire?

Fine. I haveno problem saying it.

There are too many peopleliving in this house.

It's disgusting!

I think there's something alive

in the kitchen sink water.