Angel on My Shoulder

ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER

[This story is about Eddie Kagle who based his way of living on what Omar Khayyam once said:

"Live fully while you may and reckon not the cost." ]

Okay, Eddie, you're on your own.

Oh, come on, son. After four years, can't you favor us a smile on your graduation day?

Hi, Eddie!

Hi, Smiley.

What's the matter, Boss? Couldn't you tear yourself away?

How was the stretch this time, Boss? Tough?

No.

Which is why I didn't crash out like always.

I was sure expecting you to.

Nice car.

It's all yours.

Ours.

Everything we've got.

You're a swell pal, Eddie.

Yeah, I've heard all about it.

You've done a good job while I was gone,

and I ain't forgetting it.

I did big, Eddie.

You're a lot richer than when you went in.

We're a lot richer.

Thanks, Eddie.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. We got a couple of new spots downtown.

Real classy.

I got the guy waiting to show you the books.

I'll take your word for it

like always.

'Cause we got troubles, too.

I'll take care of the troubles.

Like when we were kids.

Me and you against everybody, Smiley?

Sure.

Got my rod?

Wearing it right next to my heart.

Let me have it.

Sure.

I just can't understand it.

I'm walking down the street minding my own business.

I step off the curb. Car comes tearing around the corner against the red light.

The cop should have picked up the driver of that car, not me.

Say, are you a trustee?

Yes.

How long have you been in this stir?

Three hundred odd years.

Gosh, it's hot here.

Gets like this in Florida sometimes.

Florida?

Florida never smelled like this.

Like rotten eggs.

Precisely, young man, rotten eggs.

The unpleasant odor is caused by H2SO4,

hydrogen sulfuric acid.

The most common compound of hydrogen and sulfur.

Am I right?

I poisoned my wife with a sulfur compound.

My young wife,

she was unfaithful.

I was a chemist.

What do you mean

was?

Before they hanged me.

Where are the rope marks?

Young man, what is the last thing you remember before they brought you here?

Smiley.

Smiley.

That slimy double-crossing rat

bludgeon me with my own rod.

Where are the bullet holes?

Where?

How do you like that?

He missed.

Sitting right next to me, and he missed.

He didn't miss.

You're dead.

Huh?

We're all dead.

Listen to this marv, will you?

It's true.

Only the soul exists down here.

Jeez.

I always said I'd wind up down here.

Look, I don't care where I am.

I got to get Smiley.

There must be some way across this camp!

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

Lay off!

Lay off of me, will you?

I got to get out of here.

I'm getting Smiley!

Lay off me, I tell you!

I got to get Smiley!

What sort of temperature is that?

It's the labor shortage, Sire.

Especially the boiler room personnel.

There's been a fearful drop.

We're operating at .73% of normal.

You want me to catch my death a cold?

No, Sire.

We're short of condemned souls.

I objectively suggest—

Warden, I have no need of your infantile suggestions.

I'll attend to this matter myself.

My opponent is always with some favored mortal of his testing my prowess.

This time it happens to be one Judge Frederick Parker

of the New World.

Oh, we'll see who goes down in defeat.

My beloved Sire, your powers are wondrous to behold.

But I have lately been beset by great problems.

My adversary is working overtime.

That superior though he may be

and though he's set up a thousand Judge Parkers to thwart me,

he must recognize that I am still Master

of my own sphere.

I did it, Sire.

What in my domain is that?

You have no right to...

Help!

Let go of me, you dirty coppers!

I'll get every one of you!

Quiet!

You can't hold me here!

You can't keep me

What's the meaning of this? How dare you bring him here!

We had no choice, Warden.

Cast him down into the boiler room

in the 55th circle of darkness.

I apologize for the intrusion, Sire.

Not at all, Warden.

Pour me a drink.

You're not angry?

Angry? On the contrary, I'm very pleased.

In fact, I'm delighted.

To— What was his name?

You mean, the doomed soul that was here? Kagle, Eddie Kagle?

Eddie Kagle.

You drink to him?

A cheap gangster?

Why not?

I love him.

Ever see that face before?

Of course.

It was just here in this room, Eddie Kagle.

Wrong, Warden.

That happens to be a picture of Judge Frederick Parker.

Impossible.

- They look exactly— - Precisely.

They look exactly alike.

And this likeness is just the weapon I need to defeat Mr. Parker.

Eddie Kagle.

How hot do they want it down here?

Never gets hot enough to suit the boss.

You think this is bad? Wait until they stick you in one of them hot clay pits way down below.

You mean, we ain't at bottom now?

There ain't no bottom in this joint.

Back to work! Back!

Back to your work!

I ain't taking this no longer.

I'm crashing out of this college.

Nobody crashes out of here.

Nobody but Eddie Kagle.

He breaks out from every place.

I'll crash out with you, Eddie.

Who are you?

A pal.

I don't like pals.

You like Smiley?

How do you know about Smiley?

Grapevine.

I can help you get him.

I got somebody I want to get, too.

We can help each other.

Is it a deal?

We got to crash first.

I know how.

Next,

screws.

Well, Eddie?

Okay.

Watch your step. One false mood and I slug you.

I'll be extremely careful.

Rub that smile off your mouth.

A guy smiled once when he plucked me.

Certainly.

Come on. Now.

Hey,

you don't stern out for something.

- That's the furnace. - It's the only way.

Come on.

How long have you been down here?

Since time immemorial.

The way you talk, you must have had a good education.

The most liberal one.

I only went to third grade.

I went through the whole gamut of learning. I know everything.

Stuck on yourself, huh?

What's your name?

Well, I have a number of aliases. I have a long record under the name of Mephistopheles.

Greek, huh?