Cheaters

Oh.

Really?

Sorry. I'm really sorry. No, I didn't mean to do that.

But it always snows in Finland.

It is the wrong kind of snow.

Well, how can you not be prepared for that?

No wonder everyone kills themselves here.

Actually, that is a common misconception about Finland.

Our suicide rate...

I know, Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I was just making a joke.

Hey. And I know Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is Swedish

so you don't need to... Hey, hey, hey. There's no need to be rude.

It's not her fault it's snowing,

yeah, there's no need to be a dick about it.

Do I know you? I wasn't being a dick.

I said that she looks like Rooney Mara. That's a compliment.

OK, well, look, I've worked jobs like this.

Oh. Oh, good. Oh, good. Cos I really wanted the input of

a random man who had a job once.

Oh, can I...? Yeah, thanks.

What?

Peace offering.

G&T, please.

I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have butted in.

I'm not very good around conflict.

Even if it's none of my business, I end up trying to fix it.

It's fine. I don't need your life story. Thanks.

So what brings you to Finland?

Work. Ah, nice. Yeah, nice.

I'm on a sort of like spur-of-the-moment type thing.

Right.

I was mostly in the countryside. I'm writing a piece.

Erm, do you know Tristdetektiv? Sad Detective?

The murder-y show? Yeah, we're...

Erm, yeah, I'm watching that at the moment.

Yeah, well, I'm writing a piece about how you can visit

all the murder sites from the series.

But isn't that set in Lapland?

This is Lapland. No, this is Fin-land.

Lapland is in Finland.

Hold on, so you're telling me, I've been in the land of reindeer

and Father Christmas all week,

and I've sat in a bar drinking 15 Euro beers?

Well, next time, you should ask me for some tips because

I wrote a few things in the Lonely Planet guide, actually.

Cool. Yeah, cool.

I have a confession to make.

I didn't come here spontaneously.

Yeah, you weren't very convincing when you said you had, to be honest.

My...girlfriend cheated on me.

We've been together for 11 years and last week she told me she slept

with one of her colleagues. It was a woman, actually.

Not that it matters, that it was a woman.

Like, she had her reasons,

I understand that, but...

..it really hurt.

Excuse me. Can we get some shots, please?

No, no, no. Yes. We're doing it. Yes. Yes!

MOANING

Ugh. Fucking Aquavit.

It was marginally less shit spending the evening

with you than I thought it would be.

PHONE BUZZES

Oh, God.

Fucking Aquavit.

We've got to get going.

Are you all right?

Hm? Yeah. Sorry. I just...

I've never really done this before. Cheating.

On Est...erm, my girlfriend.

Esther. Her name's Esther.