Joey

That's it. Oh, perfect.

These photos are going to look great in People Magazine.

Let's see your good side.

Oh, God, no, go back!

That's it, yeah. We got it.

All right.

Wow, People Magazine!

My mom is going to be so excited.

Now, if you get me into a Playboy that has an Asian girl on the cover,

my dad could read about me, too.

Now, listen, Joey, the interview portion is later.

Judy Wilson is going to meet you on the set.

Now, she's single, which is good.

But she's smart, which could kill us.

You need to come off as a great guy.

I mean really charm her.

I'll give it a shot, sweetheart.

Ooh...

Oh, come on. Get serious!

Bobbie, will you relax?

Look, I will handle the interviewer.

Okay? By the time I'm done with her, she's gonna want to put me on the cover.

There's a new stud in town,

so move over, "Robert Blake's Legal Nightmare. "

You are such a fascinating interview.

And all the charity work you do with children?

You're almost too good to be true.

Please.

You're starting to sound like the people I pulled from that burning car.

Our research shows us that in your role as a single father,

you're becoming very popular with women over 30.

How do you feel about that?

Great.

You know, I feel like women really come into their own after the age of 30.

They know who they are, they know what they want.

And you know, I find that very sexy.

Oh.

I've got a couple more questions to ask you.

Some of these may seem a little bit silly,

but it's what our readers are into, so...

What's your favorite color?

Purple.

Me, too!

When you get to heaven, what do you want God to say to you?

"Come on in, Joey. This place is full of women over 30."

And, do you have any siblings?

Yeah, I have seven sisters.

Wow. You must really understand women.

You know, I'm here to interview you so this may be

totally inappropriate, but...

Well, is there any chance you'd want to have drinks?

I would love that.

Why don't I take you out to dinner tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night? Are you sure?

- Yeah. Why not? - Oh, my God, okay!

Morning.

Hey, oh, how'd your interview go yesterday?

Great.

I think she kinda liked me, so I'm taking her out to dinner tonight.

Tonight? Are you serious?

Why? What's the big deal?

Good morning, everybody! Happy Valentine's Day!

No, no, no!

What's wrong?

I asked this girl out to dinner tonight

and I didn't know it was Valentine's Day.

Now she's going to think I want to get all serious with her

and start a relationship.

Oh, and you don't?

Oh, you're cute.

I can't believe I have a date on Valentine's Day.

I'm going to miss my annual ritual.

Why? What do you usually do?

Well, every year I go to a bar alone,

find that table full of single women pretending they don't need men,

send over a bottle of white zin,

wait five minutes and pounce.

It's a little something I like to call "Valentine's Day Massacre. "

Well, you can't reschedule now. She'll be devastated.

Yeah. It'd be like standing someone up for the prom.

Sorry, sweetie.

For the last time, she got lost on the way to our house,

she found another guy, and she went with him.

All right, well, maybe I'm overreacting.

Is there any chance she won't take it that seriously?

Well, how old is she?

I don't know, 33, 34.

Well, which is it? Because at 33,

you're still happy being a sexy single woman.

At 34 you've got a wedding dress in your trunk, just in case.

I've got to find something to take the pressure off this date.

Oh, hey, maybe you guys could come with me.

Don't you think that'd be a little obvious?

No, not if you just "happen" to be at the same restaurant

and then you can come join us.

That could work. I'm not doing anything.

Yeah, and Eric's still on tour, so I'm available.

And we know Michael's free.

Mom, I explained this.

Virginia's cat had a stomach thing. She'll call me in the next few weeks.

I'm so excited about tonight.

- To us. - To the Knicks!

So, did you finish my article yet?

Oh, I don't want to talk about work.

You reach a certain age when you realize you have to focus on your personal life.

I mean, let's face it: I'm not 34 anymore.

Oh, my God.

What is my sister doing here? With my nephew and my neighbor?

Of all the Valentine's Day mix-ups.

I hope they don't see us!

Joey? What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What I do every Valentine's Day.

Taking my son and my lawyer friend out to a crowded restaurant

where I have not made a reservation.

Well, uh... I guess they could join us.

You sure? It doesn't have to get in the way of our romantic evening.

Michael, why don't you squeeze right in here between us.

Gina, Michael, Alex, this is Judy.

- I'm his Valentine. - Oh, stop. Stop.

Oh, God.

$35 for "lobster risotto in a heart-shaped mold"?

This holiday is so stupid.

Alex, you're kinda ruining the mood there.

I mean, would you look at all these suckers out celebrating this Hallmark holiday.

My husband and I don't need this kind of thing.

Though a card might have been nice.

Or a phone call. Or an e-mail perhaps.

But we spoke on Tuesday. He asked me to gather up his receipts.

Tax time's coming.

Can you excuse me a second? I'm going to use the restroom.

Look at those single girls over there, and I'm stuck on a date.

God, I can't just leave them there.

Michael, they deserve better, but I'm sending you in.

No, I can't. I'm taken.

Virginia said she'd call the second her cat took a turn for the better, okay?

Michael, it's cleavage, lipstick and apple-tinis.

It's a cry for help. Answer the call.

You know what? You're right.

Yeah, I'm not just gonna sit here waiting for her to call.

Ladies, get ready for a massacre.

Yeah! Alright!

Is it me or is self-confidence a bummer on him?

- Happy Valentine's Day, ladies. - Oh, great, another one.

You think just 'cause we're sitting here alone

we're desperate for a man to hit on us?

You're not, are you?

God, I knew I shouldn't have done this!

I would never have even come over here if he hadn't told me to!

Oh, he's cute. Is he coming over, too?

No, I'm all you get, okay?

I was supposed to have a date tonight,

but she had to cancel because her cat had this stomach thing.

Oh, honey, I've used that excuse. She doesn't have a cat.

So, I got blown off for Valentine's Day?

Yeah, join the club.

Could I?

Could we talk over here for a second?

Sure. Come on, everyone. Let's go talk to Judy.

Just you.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Look, I'm sorry these guys just showed up.

You know I would love to have you all to myself,

but it's out of my control.

Joey, I'm not an idiot. I know why they're here.

- You do? - Yeah.

You wanted me to meet your family.

I mean, I can't believe how fast this is moving but it feels so right!

A-special a-music for the lovers!

What a difference a day makes, huh?

I'm out on Valentine's Day with a great guy.

I'm being welcomed into a family.

I mean, if this was a first date for most guys, they'd be freaking out.

You guys are a beautiful couple.

Now this may be the alcohol talking, but...

It's the alcohol. Don't say it.

Don't take this for granted.

You have to put your love in a bottle

and make a promise to drink from it every day.

And if you do,

at night it will replenish itself.

You hate your body? I hate my body.

Why? You're so thin.

You should see in a bathing suit. I have some real problem areas.

Well, at least you can have dessert tonight.

You know what? I don't care what that bastard, Jim, said. You look great.

Yeah! You know what? To hell with the diet.

I'm getting the chocolate mousse.

You go, girlfriend!

I can't believe you have a child that age. You look amazing.

- How old are you? - 36.

I'm older than you, and you have an adult son?

Older?

Yes, hold her.

I admire you, but I'm not interested in having kids.

As long as I have my career and someone meecial,

that's all I care about.

I remember when I used to think like that.

Then you turn 15. Everything changes.

Oh, I should take this.