Tacoma FD

- Clear! - Clear!

Whoa!

Go! Go! Go!

Not clear!

Excuse me.

Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop!

There we go!

Looks we found our canaries in a coal mine.

All right, enough of the perv committee.

- Come on, let's go. - This is gonna last forever!

- Oh, there you go! - Aah!

- Oh, my God! Get out! - What the hell?!

Carbon monoxide leak in the building, folks.

You need to get out.

Okay, well, just give us a minute so we can finish up.

Are you crazy? There's a gas leak.

Okay. Well, just let us get dressed.

- Okay, come on. - Come on, let's go.

Hey, disconnect those two and get them outside.

Andy and I will search right, you guys go left.

We'll meet at the stairwell in 10.

And keep your mask on.

We don't know how bad this gas leak is.

Copy.

What is wrong with you people?

I am a first responder.

- Yeah. - Just one quick second.

This only takes one second.

Hey!

Hey, Tony, why did you kill the music, man?

I'm not Tony. Tacoma FD.

Yeah, right. Nice outfit, dude.

What are you guys doing here?

Gas bongs, brah.

Hello! Anybody home?

Captain!

Okay, ma'am, stay calm.

Oh, my cat.

My cat... Rumpelstiltskin!

We're gonna get you out of here.

Cap, Chief said to keep our masks on.

Do I ever do what he tells me?

Yeah, but Chief's the Chief.

And if he told you to jump off a building, would you?

I did last week.

Just take her out. I'll get the cat.

Listen to me, fireman.

Let me just blow a little bit of smoke in your gas hole.

I said no!

What the hell?!

You know this mask is expensive.

Yeah, so is this.

That's my weed, man.

Let's go. Get out of here.

- You're a dick. - Tell it to your barber.

Come in, Chief.

What's up, Ike?

It's Captain Penisi, sir.

He took in a lot of gas. We have to help him out.

Where's his mask?

He gave it to an old lady, sir.

Ah, come on.

All right, we'll clear the floor.

- You get him outside. - Copy, sir.

- Out. - Idiot.

I hope he pukes in the parking lot.

That'll teach him to take his mask off.

Shit, Eddie, come on.

Eddie, I was just kidding.

Look out, look out, look out, look out.

Come on, buddy, stay with me.

Come on, Rumpelstiltskin.

Come on, don't quit on me now, buddy. Stay with me.

Hey, he's gone, all right?

He had nine good ones, man. Let him go!

Bullshit! Not on my watch!

Stay with me here!

- Ugh! - Man!

Come on, get up. Get up.

I thought that was you on the ground.

You all right?

It's cool.

Furball. Furball.

Yeah.

Mmm!

- Yeah. - Yeah!

- Baby! - Come on!

- Son of a prick! - Yeah, winner! Losers!

Yeah, whoo!

Winner-loser what?

I bet that you would spill sauce on yourself on the first bite,

and they guessed the second.

- Thanks, Chief. - What was the bet?

Loser sleeps in a satin teddy for a month.

- Ooh. - That was the bet?

- You guys sound bored. - Yeah, kind of.

We haven't had a fire in weeks.

That's a good thing, Ike.

- You should get a hobby. - I got a hobby, Chief.

I do needlepoint. Eh?

- Oh, deer. - Let me see.

- Oh, that's super cute. - Thank you.

You should knit yourself a toupee.

That's a funny joke, but I'm not even bald, so...

But you're starting to bald.

I'm starting to thin, maybe, but no.

So you should knit yourself a toupee.

I mean, it's needlepoint, so it keeps me calm.

- Yeah. - Yeah, you look calm.

Yeah, it looks like it's calming you down.

Don't aggravate him. There will be hell toupee.

Maybe both of you guys should find a hobby.

"Hell toupee."

Hey, why don't you guys play cards

or tell jokes like the old days?

Man, the old days are busted.

What? Jokes are great.

Come on, Andy, tell a joke.

- Chief, I'm not good at jokes. - You're great at jokes.

Come here. Come on. Let's go, up here.

- Come on. - Andy.

- Come on, Andy. - Come on, get up here.

- Do it, man. - Come on.

Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.

- Okay, okay. - Come on.

Friendly room, guys.

Come on, Andy.

Everybody gather around. Myawani's gonna tell a joke.

Come on, man, come on!

Here we go. Wait till we're seated.

- Okay. - All right.

No opener?

Let's see. Uh...

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship wheel around his dick.

Bartender says, uh, "You know

you have a ship wheel on your dick?"

The pirate says, "Arr!

It drives me nuts." So...

- Fuck you, guys. - No, no, no. Wait.

Who put the ship's wheel on his dick?

- What? - Who put the wheel on his dick?

All right. It was okay.

Hey, what's all this crap?

Gifts for Cap.

- _ - He's a celebrity.

Ah, give me a break.

Hey, check it out.

Nut Nuts Doughnuts made me cat doughnuts.

- Oh! - Oh! Oh!

- Nice. - Cute.

Siamese cat, anyone? Hmm?

Chiefy, you know you want some.

So what? You save a cat and all of a sudden you're a star?

Yeah, I'm a hero. Heroes get gifts.

Look at this. Cat mat.

Shock the cat right off your couch. You'd love it.

That seems terribly cruel and inhumane.

Whatever. Granny revived seven people.

How come he's not on the front page?

Do I have to spell it out for you?

Is it because you're black?

No, you racist. Because people love cats.

- Oh! - Oh, yeah.

I love cats.

I love animals you can eat.

Mmm!

- Oh! - Son of a prick!

- How many times is that already? - Number two.

Why don't you just slow down and get it in your mouth?

It's not a speed issue. I got a big torso.

Sauce naturally falls on it.

By that logic, if we stuff you into a girdle,

you'll stop spilling.

I don't want to wear a girdle.

- Oh! - Chief!

Dab it, for God's sake.

You're mashing it all around.

- Yeah, yeah. - Come on!

Do the whole shirt so it's pink.

All right, all right, all right, all right. Listen up.

Downtown finally assigned us a new rookie.

Probie starts today.

- Yeah! Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah!

Come on!

It's about time.

I'm gonna make him go out to that parking lot

- and kick rocks for no good reason! - Yeah!

I'm gonna make him pop out the dents in my Thermos.

Yeah.

Oh, man, I'm gonna make him feel, like, so uncomfortable.

- Oh, man! It's gonna be awesome! - Okay, okay, listen.

There are a few wrinkles I need to talk to you about.

- Hey, guys. - Hey.

- Hey, Luce, what's up? - Hey, Dad.

Honey, can you wait outside for a second?

We have some things we got to finish up here.

Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

Ooh, when the probie gets here...

... I'm gonna make him renew my passport.

Oh, oh, and we should make him wear thigh-high boots.