Xena: Warrior Princess

You think you're man enough to test my blade ?

Do you ?

Your type are all cowards !

I've met and defeated tens of hundreds of your type !

So, come on. Make your move.

Or, are you waiting for me to make the first move ?

First mistake ?

Well, that's your first mistake, waiting for my mistake !

'Cause I don't make mistakes !

Let that be a lesson to you.

- Are you finished with my sword ? - Don't do that !

This is not a plaything.

I said I'd get some wood. I didn't say how I was going to get it.

You're lucky the tree was unarmed.

- You could've been hurt. - Maybe I wouldn't if someone...

- would teach me how to use it ? - No.

You know ? Doesn't it make more sense that I should learn how to defend myself ?

I think it makes more sense.

Don't confuse defending yourself with using a weapon.

When you pull a sword, you have to be ready to kill.

- You don't think I know that ? - No... I don't think you do.

People are too quick to go for their sword. It should always be the last resort.

I don't want to learn to kill. I want to learn to survive.

All right. The rules of survival.

Number one. If you can run, run.

Number two. If you can't run... surrender, and then run.

Number three. If you're outnumbered, let them fight each other...

while you run.

- Number four... - Wait.

- More running ? - No.

Four is where you talk your way out of it, and I know you can do that.

It's wisdom before weapons, Gabrielle.

The moment you pick up a sword, you become a target.

And the moment you kill...

The moment you kill... What ?

Everything changes. Everything.

What is it ?

- Sweetie... - Trouble.

Easy pickings.

Is this the 'run' part ?

Not yet, but just be ready.

Nice day, isn't it ?

That depends on you. What do you want ?

Oh, we're but poor men trying to scrape an existence in this evil world.

Every now and then we ask for a little something from travelers...

like your horse, your gold...

or any jewelry you might be carrying.

And I think I'll have that fancy sword of yours, too.

Now, all things considered...

I think a surrender would be a good start.

I accept. Gabrielle, take their weapons.

Atrápenlas !

Get the little one ! She's got a sword !

Kill her, quick !

I know this sword. Only one person carries a sword like this.

- You're Xena, aren't you ? - Do you really wanna find out ?

My reputation is going to soar !

- Run for it ! Come on ! - Let's get out of here !

Very good.

Did you notice the young one ?

She has a fire about her...

and yet, she didn't stain herself with blood.

Morpheus'll be pleased.

Yes, she's the one. She's perfect.

In a time of ancient gods...

...warlords...

...and kings...

A land in turmoil cried out for a hero...

She was Xena...

a mighty princess, forged in the heat of battle...

...The power...

...The passion...

...The danger...

Her courage will change the world...

I still can't believe it.

They came right for me when I picked up the sword.

Maybe they thought you were a threat

You're waiting for the right moment to say, 'I told you so', aren't you ?

Nope ! I'm waiting for you to say it for me.

I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe something like,

'Xena needs my help. ' or,

'I wonder if I could take some of the heat off Xena. '

In both cases, no.

I'm gonna pick up some more salt pork. I'll meet you back here in a few minutes.

Afternoon.

Is that your friend ?

- Yeah, why ? - Oh, no reason.

Just strangers in town, is all.

So ! What can I do for you ?

I need a sharpening stone and some oil.

Who do I report a dead highwayman to ?

Dead ?

Your friend didn't kill him, did she ?

No.

Oh. Well, that's good.

What difference does it make who killed him ?

Hey ! Elkton ! Get outta here !

I know, I'm sorry. I wouldn't've come...

but my horse has lost his halter.

- Out ! Now ! - Please...

I can't guide him very well with just a rope.

I'm warning you, old man... leave ! And don't come back !

Why don't you just sell the man a halter ?

Because, I don't do business with his kind.

- But I'm not a Mystic anymore ! - A Gryphon can't change its feathers !

Mystic, ex-Mystic, it's all the same ! Go on... out !

I'm no... Mystic !

Sure, that looked cruel, but...

he's one of them.

So, it was a sharpening stone, right ?

No, I've changed my mind.

I need a halter for my horse.

- Hey ! What are you doing here ? - Aren't you open ?

Well, of course I'm open, young lady, but...

what are you doing in town ?

You're supposed to be off by the water's edge until after the Solstice...

unless you've got no reason to fear Morpheus.

Morpheus ? God of dreams ?

Now, why would I fear him ?

Ah ! You must be experienced then.

Yeah ! I mean, I've had experiences.

- Are you always this nosey ? - I should have known.

Otherwise, why would you be in my shop ?

Looking to replace your arms ?

Lose your weapon of choice in a battle, did you ?

Yeah, right ! Big battle.

You don't look like a fighter.

Sure... that's your strength.

Like the beautiful seed hidden in an eagle's dung.

Nice image...

Ah ! Now, let me see what I can show you.

Ah... The steel... it's from the Albanian mines of Iskander Beg.

It's the most beautiful sword I've ever seen.

And... oh ! Believe me, I've handled plenty.

but, maybe something more... petite.

Well, let me see what's over here.

Oh, how cute !

It's a breast dagger.

Oh... you mean, it's designed to pierce the breast into the heart of your enemy.

No... not quite.

Oh... a breast dagger.

Yeah, I like it !

Yeah...

Get out of town, Mystic.

I'm no... Mystic ! It's... it's a halter !

Who did this ? Who ?

Thank you ! Thank you.

Did you get your sharpening stone ?

No.

What's the matter with you ?

What do you mean ?

I don't know. You just seem... bigger.

No, I'm not. It's just this mountain air. I feel motivated.

You didn't find a sorcerer to enhance your motives, did you ?

No. Would you get over it ?

Ooh... Ah ! Wow ! Look at you look at that ?

I wonder what else is in these clothes ?

They're hand-me-downs, you know ?

I know... wisdom before weapons.

I'll keep this for the time being.

Hah ! It's not like your breasts aren't dangerous enough.

That was a jokeYou can laugh.

What's going on ?

Get on the horse.

They took her. Where are they ?

They're probably at the... fortress of Morpheus by now. It's the Solstice.

The... Mystics need a young maiden.

We normally send our young girls away.

- I thought you knew. - No.

Your eyes practically lit up when you saw us come into town.

What are they going to do to her ? !

Stop ! By the gods, you're strong !

Every Solstice... the Mystics come down from the mountain and they take a young girl.

We never see them again.

That blind man...

- he was a Mystic. - Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah... go and see him ! If you dare.

Soon, my Lord Morpheus.

I think you will be pleased with your bride...

as soon as she proves herself worthy.

Let me out of here. Believe me, you are in big trouble !

My child, I understand your confusion.

But take heart. You are being honored today.

OK... Keep talking.

You have been selected to be the bride of Morpheus

Bride ? Morpheus ?

No, you've got the wrong girl... take my word for it.

I'm not the wifely type.

I... Well, I sleep late, I don't know a lick about housework.

And children ? I mean, look at these hipbones.

- No way. - None of that matters to Morpheus.

Really ? Well, what does matter ? I've got lots of faults.

You're to go through a series of challenges against worthy opponents.

If you survive, you will become the honored wife of Morpheus.

- If not, you'll have been sacrificed in the name... - Wait a minute.

Back up to that 'If you survive' part for a moment.

The challenges will not be easy.

And each one will be a fight to the death.

Who's there ?

I'm not as blind as you think I am ! I have senses you can't conceive of !