Ferris Bueller's Day Off

lt is a beautiful day in Chicago today.

Temperatures expected to reach the upper 70s.

Right now, 75 at the lakefront,

74 at Midway, 73 at O'Hare.

And now, up in the sky,

-Don NeIson with SkyView traffic. -Ferris?

-Thanks. We've got scores of accidents. -Ferris?

Tom!

-What's the matter? -lt's Ferris.

-What? What's wrong? -What's wrong? For Christ's sake

look at him, honey.

Ferris?

He doesn't have a fever, but he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.

What's the matter, Ferris?

Papa?

Honey, feel his hands. They're cold and clammy.

l'm fine.

-l can get up. -No.

-l have a test today. -No.

You...

l have to take it.

l want to go to a good college, so l can have a fruitful life.

Honey, you're not going to school like this, now.

Fine. What's this? What's his problem?

-He doesn't feel well. -Yeah, right.

Dry that one out, you can fertilize the lawn.

Jeanie? ls that you?

Jeanie? l can't see that far.

Jeanie? Jeanie, l...

-Bite the big one, Junior. -Thank you, Jeanie. You get to school.

Wait, you're letting him stay home?

l can't believe this. lf l was bleeding out my eyes

you guys would make me go to school. This is so unfair.

Jeanie, please don't be upset with me.

You have your health. Be thankful.

That's it. l want out of this family.

l'm okay. l'll just sleep.

Maybe l'll have an aspirin around noon.

Now, listen, l'm showing some houses to that,

that family from Vermont today. So l'll be in the area.

Now, my office will know just where l am if you need me, okay?

-Okay. -Okay.

l'll check on you too, pal.

lt's nice to know that l have such loving, caring parents.

You're both very special people.

Now, you get better, pumpkin.

Okay, pumpkin.

l'll be home at 6:00 sharp.

lf you need anything, call.

Ringy-dingy.

-We love you, sweetie. -l love you, too.

Call if you need us.

They bought it.

lncredible.

One of the worst performances of my career

and they never doubted it for a second.

How could l possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?

This is my ninth sick day this semester.

lt's getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses.

lf l go for 10, l'm probably gonna have to barf up a lung.

So l better make this one count.

The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands.

lt's a good non-specific symptom. l'm a big believer in it.

A lot of people will tell you that a good, phony fever is a dead lock.

But, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office.

That's worse than school.

You fake a stomach cramp

and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing,

you lick your palms.

lt's a little childish and stupid,

but then, so is high school.

Life moves pretty fast.

lf you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

l do have a test today. That wasn't bullshit.

lt's on European socialism. l mean, really, what's the point?

l'm not European. l don't plan on being European.

So, who gives a crap if they're socialists?

They could be fascist anarchists.

lt still wouldn't change the fact that l don't own a car.

lt's not that l condone fascism

or any "ism," for that matter.

"lsms," in my opinion, are not good.

A person should not believe in an "ism," he should believe in himself.

l quote John Lennon, "l don't believe in Beatles, l just believe in me."

A good point there. After all, he was "The Walrus."

l could be "The Walrus." l'd still have to bum rides off of people.

-Adams? -Here.

-Adamley? -Here.

Adamowsky?

-Adamson? -Here.

-Adler? -Here.

Anderson?

-Anderson? -Here.

Bueller?

-Bueller? -He's sick.

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend

heard from this guy who knows this kid, who's going

with a girl who saw Ferris pass out at Thirty-One Flavors last night.

l guess it's pretty serious.

-Thank you, Simone. -No problem whatsoever.

Frye? Frye?

Frye?

Hello?

-Cameron, babe, what's happening? -Very little.

-How do you feel? -Shredded.

ls your mother in the room?

She's in Decatur. Unfortunately, she's not staying.

Where are you?

l'm taking the day off. Now get dressed and come on over.

l can't, stupid, l'm sick.

That's all in your head.

Come on over.

l feel like complete shit, Ferris. l can't go anywhere.

l'm sorry to hear that. Now come on over here and pick me up.

l'm dying.

You're not dying. You just can't think of anything good to do.

lf anybody needs a day off, it's Cameron.

He has a lot of things to sort out before he graduates.

He can't be wound up this tight and go to college.

His roommate will kill him.

When Cameron was in Egypt's land

Let my Cameron go

Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight

that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass,

in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

Katie Bueller.

This is Edward R. Rooney, Dean of Students.

Oh, my God. l'm so sorry.

l just completely forgot to call.

Then you are aware that your son is not in school today?

Yes, l am. Ferris is home, sick.

Now, l had a meeting first thing this morning.

l know l should have called, it just completely slipped my mind.

l'm really very sorry.

Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that

Ferris does not have what we consider to be

an exemplary attendance record?

l don't understand.

He has missed an unacceptable number of school days.

ln the opinion of this educator,

Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously.

Now, l've spent my morning examining his records.

lf Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month

and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken.

l have no reservation, whatsoever,

about holding him back another year.

-This is all news to me. -Usually is.

So far this semester he has been absent nine times.

-Nine times? -Nine times.

l don't remember him being sick nine times.

That's probably because he wasn't sick, he was skipping school.

Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller.

lt's a fool's paradise.

He is just leading you down the primrose path.

l can't believe it.

l've got it right here in front of me.

He has missed nine days.

l asked for a car, l got a computer.

How's that for being born under a bad sign?

Grace?

Grace!

Look, l can give you every assurance, Mr. Rooney, that Ferris is home

and he is very ill.

ln fact, l debated whether or not l should even leave him.

Grace!

l can appreciate how this time of year children are prone to taking the day off.

However, in Ferris' case, l can assure you, he is truly a very sick boy.

Never had one lesson.

ln 1930,

the Republican-controlled House of Representatives,

in an effort to alleviate the effects of the...

Anyone? Anyone? The Great Depression,

passed the... Anyone? Anyone?

The tariff bill, the Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act which...

Anyone? Raised or lowered?

Raised tariffs

in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government.

Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects?

lt did not work and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression.

Today, we have a similar debate over this.

Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone?

Anyone?

Anyone seen this before?

The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says?

lt says, that at this point on the revenue curve,

you will get exactly the same amount of revenue

as at this point.

This is very controversial.

Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980?

Anyone?

Something "d-o-o" economics.

Voodoo economics.

Jeanie.

l'm really sorry about your brother.

What are you sorry for? l have to live with the trouser snake.

No, l mean, l heard he's really sick.

Whoa. Whoa. Who said he's sick?

A whole bunch of people. They said he's like on the verge of death.

This guy in my biology class

said that if Ferris dies, he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder.