Life in Pieces

- I mean, as parents, - I think we can

all agree that, you know, two 18-year-olds

getting married is a huge mistake.

Not as big a mistake

as me trying parkour, but, uh,

a mistake nonetheless.

We think it's great these kids got hitched.

Thank you. It means a lot that someone believes in us.

Who are we to say

what makes a family? I mean, people told us

we would never work, but they were wrong.

So wrong. Just because

we're brother and sister doesn't mean that we can't

raise a family together.

You're, uh... I know what you're thinking.

We don't look anything alike.

Yeah, that's what we're thinking.

Well, when Clementine's dad left me,

Spencer vowed to help me raise the kids,

and he's been there for us ever since.

That's what family does.

When your sister needs you, you step up and fill the hole.

Oh, and he fills it.

And then some.

I love you, Uncle-Dad.

Oh... This is so... sweet,

uh, but they're just kids,

so there's no reason for them to be married.

There is a big reason.

And it's getting bigger every day.

Oh, my God. We're in love!

Why would you phrase it like that?

I am in no way ready to be a grandmother.

Oh, I say, bring it on.

I am ready for babies, babies, and more babies.

Me, too... I would love a little grand-niece-daughter.

A little sweet something... Oh, look at her there...

looking up at you. With the little freckles.

With the little feetsies! Little freckles. Look at her.

None of this is going to happen, okay?

Because I made an appointment for you tomorrow

so that you can get your marriage annulled.

You can't tell us what to do anymore, Mom.

We're adults.

Now if you'll excuse us,

we have to go meet our friends at the food court.

Thanks for your support.

Thanks for nothing.

Nothing.

So how does this work?

Separate bedrooms, or...?

Same bedroom, twin beds, yeah.

Just like when we were kids.

We failed as parents.

I don't even call my sister.

Tim, how are you not upset about this?

I want to be, for you,

but look, we raised a smart, responsible kid.

And he found a beautiful girl

and locked that down.

Now, I did the same thing, not much older.

I can't believe I'm alone here.

And I can't believe you're not more curious about our in-laws.

Now that you've kicked Tyler out,

can we finally turn his room into a homeless shelter?

We didn't kick Tyler out.

Well, his action figures are gone,

and there's a note on the door saying,

"I'm not a child," written in crayon.

So they didn't come back here?

There's no room.

They'd have to share a bunk bed with Clemmy's little sister,

and that would be super weird.

Now why would that be weird?

That was our childhood bed.

Oh, God, how we used to love to make that thing shake.

Oh, boy.

We'd play Earthquake in it.

"Oh, no, here comes the big one!"

Okay, so you have my number in case you hear from them.

Okay, come on, Tim, let's go.

No, you go ahead, I'll parkour home.

I have some follow-up questions.

Hey, do you... No, come on... Oh!

I did this, I drove him away!

I'm having a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Would you like some?

No.

I can get you a little dish... It's okay.

He's gone forever, Mom.

Here's a dish!

I mean, what could I have done differently?

Uh... You could have supported him.

What?

And let him make the biggest mistake of his life?

No, that's called enabling,

and that's why Greg wore pull-ups till he was 12.

And now you see him

get on international flights with confidence.

Mom-Mom, can Pop-Pop take his creepy puppets

out of the garage?

Oh, you're here.

You've been harboring them this entire time?

Excuse me, um...

I'll be in the other room listening through the wall.

Okay, so, so this is your life now?

You're living in your grandparents' garage?

It's better than living with somebody

who's rooting against me.

I am not rooting against you, I just...

I don't want to see you do something

that you're going to regret.

Mom, you still see me as an eight-year-old boy,

but I am a man now, okay?

And I can make my own decisions.

And, yeah, I know that ten percent of marriages fail.

But we're not going to be one of them.

Yeah.

All right.

Get your stuff and let's go home.

Both of us?

Yes... both of you.

You guys are going to have plenty of challenges.

I am not going to be one of them... come here.

Hey, and just so you know...

It's 50% of marriages that fail.

For real?

All right, fiancée number two!

Let's do this!

I can't believe I get to live with my best friend.

I can't believe I'm officially out of my parents' garage.

Hey!

Whose moving truck is blocking my scooter?!

Oh... I'm just kidding, ha-ha!

Oh, I'm so pumped about our new roomie!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it'll be great to have

some masculine energy around here.

Um... Hello!

You wrestled?

Uh, yup.

Yeah, I was undefeated in high school.

Hello!

So was I!

They called me the Tackle Box,

because I could take you down with my tackle,

or I could take you down with my box...

of wrestling moves.

Mmm.

Whoo!

I forgot about Dougie.

We've gone through worse obstacles.

Yay... Yay!

It's a big condo.

We won't even notice she's here. Yeah.

You're in the splash zone.

Want a spoon?

I've got the king spoon.

Yay.

Um... Do you hear that?

Oh, yeah, that's the same thing I hear every night at this time.

What is she doing?

I don't know.

I asked her, she said flossing.

No, no, no, Colleen.

What? This is not living together.

This is dying together.

You have to tell her to move out.

I... Why me?

Because it's your place.

And I don't want to create some sexist dynamic

where I fight your battles for you.

And besides, I said "not it." Not it.

Fine.

I'll do it right after the music stops.

What music?

Oh, yeah!

Yeah.

Huh.

Knock knock!

Hi!

Um, I wanted to have a little roomie chat.

The thing is, since Matt's moved in

and we're getting married that time maybe you could move out

and you could find an...

All right, she's not taking the hint.

It's because you're too nice.

Aw, thank you.

And you are too handsome.

That's not what we're doing.

I know. Okay.

All right, I'll talk to her tomorrow.

You want me to move out?

Wrestle me.

If you win, I'll leave.

You can't be serious.

Oh, yeah, I am.

Oh, don't do that.

Oops.

Looks like Tackle Box just chummed the waters.