Big Mouth

Okay, the problem with your sink is that I have no idea how to fix it.

I mean look at this thing. It's riddled with pipes.

We gotta figure it out, Coach Steve. This is my designated toilet.

I feel you, buddy. -

I just love watching you work, Steve.

Are you sure I can't get you a glass of wine?

Oh, I'm good. Thank you, Mrs. Jay's Mom.

I always carry a thermos of almond palmer.

You know, half lemonade, half almond milk.

Lukewarm. - Yeah.

Ah! Feels like the drink is mad at me.

You got some on your shirt. - Oof, my goof.

Why don't you take it off and we'll get you all cleaned up.

...

Jay! - Yeah?

Why don't you run to the store...

...and get our friend Steve some fresh almond milk and lemonade?

Room temp. - You got it.

Mom? - Sure, you can call me Mom.

Yes! Best day ever! -

You know, my husband's on a business trip.

Cool! - And Val and Curt are away at vape camp.

Awesome.

Steve, do you ever get lonely?

Of course not. I remain lonely.

It would be so nice if I had a man like you to keep me company...

...when my husband was away.

Oh! Like a Gary.

A Gary?

Yeah, Gary used to come over while my dad was away...

...do push-ups on my mom. -

Sounds like Gary was having sex with your mother.

Whoa! Sex?

I wonder if that has anything to do with those yogurt balloons

I used to find on the floor next to her bed.

Steve, you are so funny.

How would you like to do push-ups on me sometime?

Why does my pener have a heartbeat all of a sudden?

'Cause you wanna do sex with her, Steve.

This is your chance, baby.

Hmm!

Why don't you think about it, darling?

Holy Dave Grohl-y!

Looks like this week I'm the one going through changes.

Do the song!

Oh, look at that bra!

Drip drop! That's gonna make a stain.

I stubbed my toe.

Oh, yeah!

Did you fast-forward through the credits?

HAPPY NATIONAL PANTSING WEEK!

Oh, this is really bad. - I know, right?

There are fingerprint smudges all over your screen,

and the oil build-up. - Andrew,

I'm talking about my text with Gena.

I said that I liked her and she never responded.

Yes, that's also very bad. - Yes.

Maybe she died. - Okay.

Maybe she was murdered. - Andrew--

Oh, wait. There's Gena. She's alive. Face the wall.

Hey, Andrew. Oh, man.

I'm so sorry that I didn't get you a card.

A card? For what?

For National Pants-ing Week, you butt-fuck!

National Pants-ing Week? Butt-fuck?

MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS WITH MATTHEW

Yes, grab ahold of your waist bands, because it's National Pants-ing Week,

mandated by President Trump to toughen kids up while keeping things sexy.

Lola, you clotheslined...

...three other girls for the chance to be on camera.

What do you think of National Pants-sing Week?

Oh, my God.

I hope nobody pants-es me.

Oh, too bad you're not wearing over-alls, Jesse.

Your jeans are a Siren's call to any would-be pants-er.

If they try, I'll slit their fucking throats.

Ah! Okay. - What are you doing after school?

I took another $20 from my bitch mom's purse...

...while she was sucking down a Chobani and I wanna go shopping.

You're stealing from your mom? Jesse, are you okay?

I'm fine! Are you coming or not?

I can't follow you down this dark path. It's not for me.

But if you change your mind, I'll be at my capoeira class.

Capoeira? Are you serious?

Happy National Pants-ing-- Whoa!

I don't know. Am I serious?

Thank you. - Obrigado.

Nick! I am obsessed with your shirt.

You actually have good style. - That's sort of a weird complement.

I used to have to literally dress DeVon.

Not like literally. - No, literally. He's like an old man.

Like he's frail and has to sit down in the shower?

You didn't hear that from me.

Anyway, I have huge news.

And it's not that DeVon is secretly an old man?

You're so random.

So, Lola told me to tell you, to tell Andrew she likes him.

Lola? Like Lola-Lola? - Yeah!

And I had this like, cryptic idea... - Cryptic?

...that the four of us could double. - A double date?

So like Andrew and Lola... - And you and me.

She likes you. Slap her in the tit!

Or maybe I should just go on a date with Devin...

...and I don't know, forget about Gena?

Who's Gena? The boy with the glasses?

No, that's Andrew.

Okay. Yeah, that'll be fun. I'll tell Andrew.

I gotta get outta here, man.

That's too bad. You were such a big help.

You're literally so random.

Do-do-bah-do-do-do.

This is my thinking song.

Sorry I'm late. I'm getting too old for this shit.

Thank God you're here, Rick.

I don't know what to do-do-bah-do-do-do.

On the one hand, Mrs. Jay's Mom is married,

but on the other hand, she makes regular eye contact with me.

So, you know, yin-yang.

No woman has ever wanted to do sex with you before.

You should go for it. - I don't know. It feels wrong.

So did killing and eating that squirrel, but--...

But it was awesome. - Yeah! Jay's Mom is a squirrel.

As always, you're spot on, my dude.

I should probably talk to Jay.

And I should probably talk to Coach Steve.

Hey, man. I need to talk to you.

Why? What's going on, my dude?

This sounds serious.

Andrew, funny question.

What do you think of Lola? - Huh? I've always been impressed...

...by the sheer number of teachers she's made just cry.

She bent the rim in gym class.

What if I told you that Lola likes you?

Like, like-likes me?

Yeah, like-like, she like, like-like likes you.

Wow, I didn't know she was capable of positivity.

And by coincidence,

Devin thought that the four of us should go on a double-date.

So you go out with Devin? - Yes!

But I go out with Lola. - Yes.

Survey says: Two dicks, down. Sorry for the mixed metaphor.

Nick, I'm going to choose my words carefully,

because you never know what's being recorded these days,

but don't you think Lola and I are perhaps,

um... not of the same station? - The same station?

Like, we're of different-- - Just say it. She's gross.

You can do better than her.

Really? Can you do better?

I'd like to think so.

Yes, perhaps you're right. - Yeah.

After all, you are the most handsome boy in your entire class.

No, that is a sweatshirt my aunt bought me.

I have never said that out loud.

And all the girls, they absolutely swoon...

...when you brought that doctor's note to get out of running the mile.

He's got plantar fasciitis. - Plantar fasciitis! Exactly!

And that's why he gets to be so choosy.

You're saying beggars can't be choosers?

I didn't say that, you did. But I wholeheartedly agree.

You're a filthy little beggar.

So it would just be one date, right?

Yeah, come on. You'd be doing me a solid. - Okay.

Yeah, the boys, a double date.

We'll sit on a bench and we'll hold their purses.

Okay. - 'Cause they're in the bathroom.

We don't go to the bathroom though, 'cause we're men.

Sure. - And we hold in our feelings,

and we hold in our urine and it hurts.

Do you need to go to the bathroom? - I have to go, so bad.

It hurts in my feet.

Oh, Shannon.

What are you going to buy me today?

Why not just take what we want...

...and save that money for Bonnaroo tickets?

Ha.

All right, you, motherfuckers!

My girl's parents are going through a divorce,

and she needs to act up.

So she's going to walk around this local ass pharmacy,

take shit she's never going to use,

and if any of you prescription filling...

...carpal tunnel brace bitches even looks at her,

I swear to God I will paint the greeting card aisle with your guts!

Let's go, sugar.

Oh, wow!

Kids at the school are so stupid.

A lot of his coming still bursting with fruit flavor.

Oh, yeah, classic gum talk.

Jay, I need your advice on something.

Yeah, of course.

Okay, I have this friend, who is me, Coach Steve.

I'm the friend. - Okay...

And there's this woman.

Let's call her, I don't know, Jay's Mom.

Because she's a woman who is your mom. - Okay.

Anyway, Jay's Mom, who is your mom,

wants to have sex with my friend, Coach Steve,

who's me. - Oh, shit.

Anyway, how would you, Jay, feel...

...if my friend, me, had sex with Jay's Mom, your mom?