Mom

Look at you.

You certainly are.

On your way to being a lawyer.

Do you need money?

'Cause I don't have any.

I just bought a Slurpee with my Discover card.

I was just thinking how proud I am of you.

- Aw. - And what I could've done in my life

if it weren't for my ADD.

There it is!

No, I mean it.

I could've been a doctor. Or a lawyer.

- Or a doctor-lawyer. - Mm.

A doctor just for lawyers.

Without borders.

- Hey. - Hey.

- How was your night? - Fantastic.

If only March Madness were all year round.

- Then it would just be madness. - (Adam chuckles)

Every basketball fan in town called in sick

to work and guzzled beer in my bar.

- God bless them all. - Yay, alcohol!

You should start your next share with that.

Yeah, I started my first share with that.

And thank God for Tammy.

She's not the best waitress,

but she also doubles as a bouncer.

She threw one guy out tonight, and he literally bounced.

Yo, Gus, how were the tips?

Gus made $85.

- Ha. Tammy made five times that. - Seriously?

Yeah. Hey, you want to pick up some shifts this weekend?

I-I could use the help.

Yay, alcohol!

Look at you.

What?

Running a successful bar.

I'm so proud.

Wait for it.

Just think of the successful business I could've run...

If it weren't for my ADD.

Wow.

: Well, you... You do bring it up a lot, honey.

- And then do nothing about it. - Because I have ADD!

There are therapists who deal with this stuff for free.

Wendy gave you that guy's number.

Oh, so now I'm taking advice from Wendy?

I should wear orange Crocs and giant underwear?

I am just saying, I realized I had a gambling problem,

I did something about it.

Ooh. Cornered.

So you guys are just gonna gang up on me

until I go see someone?

Seems like that's what's happening.

Fine!

I'll go to a therapist. You happy?

For the first time in seven years,

I might jump up and down.

Hope I'm walking into the right fancy house.

If not, I'm taking this weird little tree.

Hello?

Therapist?

"Please press button and have a seat."

Fun.

See you next week.

That's the universe telling me to run.

Bonnie Plunkett?

Whatever you just said to that guy,

don't say it to me.

He was crying when he got here.

I'm Trevor Wells. Why don't you come on in.

Not so fast.

W-Wendy said this is free.

You're not gonna get me in there

and then sell me a bunch of vitamins?

It really is free.

Also, I don't believe in vitamins.

And it's not just because I have a reluctant swallow reflex.

Did you make that up?

No, it's a real thing.

We have a very supportive online community.

Oh.

I have no choice but to believe you,

'cause I didn't have time to hack your Wi-Fi.

Well, you're welcome to try.

I'll give you a thousand dollars if you guess my password.

Trevorheadshrink123.

That's alarmingly close.

Two IPAs, one Hefeweizen,

three shots of silver tequila and an iced tea.

- And I need a beer. - What kind?

I don't know, cold?

Tammy, the trick to doing this well

is to take as many orders as you can,

so you don't waste a trip back to the bar.

One is as many as I can.

I'm so glad you're here.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

No. Thank you.

I am making stripper-level tips,

and the only thing showing is my elbows.

Yeah, yeah, hey, uh, two light beers

and a bourbon on the rocks...

One at a time, I'm not a computer.

Okay, iced tea for Mike,

and shots and beers for Mike's entourage.

Entourage. I like that. That doesn't mean I'm paying.

- (all cheering) - What happened?

That's the sound of people winning money.

On what? The game isn't over yet.

We all bet on Virginia to make the next three-pointer,

and they just hit it.

Huh. No kidding.

Which one of you guys is a bookie?

None of us. No, we use an app

where you can bet on stuff during the game.

Three-pointers, turnovers,

which coach wears a toupee.

So... theoretically,

uh, you can do this on your phone

in a dark closet with no one watching?

Can and have.

We live in an age of miracles.

Ooh, you can bet on cricket?

So you went to Australia, huh?

If you throw this thing, does it really come back?

Why don't you give it a try?

Uh, no, no, no, no, no.

Would you please sit back down?

So, I guess you're gonna leave it up to me.

Okay.

If I didn't have ADD, I could've done your job.

I could've helped people.

Go ahead, uh, give me a problem. How's your marriage?

We're not here to talk about that.

Ooh, I was just guessing, but G3, sunk your battleship.

How's that make you feel?

Bonnie, I've treated a number of adults with ADD.

In my experience, there can be a tremendous amount of shame

and embarrassment attached to it.

Yeah.

It's a burden.

I mean, I keep asking myself what kind of mother

I could've been, what kind of partner I could've been...

Is this suede?

You know, I was gonna test you for ADD,

but I think we can skip that.

The important thing to remember is that it's not your fault.

Say more about that.

Well, it's a neurological condition,

and there are a variety of ways to treat it.

Uh, for instance, there's medication.

No can do, I'm sober.

I see some sober patients,

and there are certain medications

- that people in recovery can use... - Okay,

this is the exact opposite of what I used to yell at doctors,

but do not give me pills.

If you tell me to take one, I will take 120.

Let's move on.

There's cognitive behavioral therapy...

Sexy name.

It's a long-term process of restructuring

how you think about things, so it changes your behavior.

Yeah, you lost me at "long process."

What do you got that's quick?

Well, biofeedback has been proven effective

- in a shorter time frame. - What's that?

We wire your brain to a computer...

Nope, I saw The Matrix, that's how they get you.

Do you believe that people are trying to get you?

You're either predator or prey, Trev.

Would you mind sitting back down?

I didn't even know I was up.

That is just crazy.

What about horses? Any therapy horses?

You think if I had horses, I wouldn't lead with that?

So no horses?

That really should go on your Yelp page.

I'm sensing some resistance to you treating your ADD.

Is that what you're "sensing"?

Okay.

I have seen some patients

that actually become attached to their ADD,

because they feel like it gives them less responsibility

for how their lives have turned out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're saying I like having this curse?

Well, I said it much more eloquently, but yes.

Well, your lousy marriage has obviously

got you off your game.

Good day, sir.

Best thing about this place is this button.

Session is over.

Or is it? It is!

What a nut.

These people are drinking so much,

and they all want different things!

Tammy, breathe.

It's bad, we're never getting out from under this.