Survivor's Remorse

The metric ton of money

that you have spent on all the people that you love

and then all the other people that feel

they somehow helped you succeed is staggering.

Cam, Reggie, it's me, Squeeze.

- Shit, Squeeze. - Yo.

Uncle J had this prayer card in his wallet.

This card is proof that he was asking for forgiveness.

God...

open your gates for my uncle.

I promise you, I make a good breakfast.

Eggs, pancakes.

I was trying to be quiet.

Cam, what gives?

Do I talk in my sleep? Snore? Drool?

All three, baby. But you're hot, so it's cool.

I'm just not sleeping good.

Not just here. Home, too.

Why?

What's on your mind?

Nothing.

Everything.

Oh, is that all?

Us?

Us is good.

My mind is just full.

I've got some Tylenol PM.

- Mm-hmm. - Or...

we can stay awake.

Together.

You need your rest, too.

Stop worrying about everyone else

and let someone do a thing for you.

Wait, so this and then... and then pancakes?

- Mm-hmm, yeah. - Oh.

Thanks for the job, Reg. I love it.

Gonna prove to you that I'm worthy.

Well, might not always be a ton of hours.

It's on an as-needed basis. If I got something I need help with...

I help get that done. That's what I do.

Getting shit done. I am the shit getting doner dude.

All right, well, listen, this shit needs to ship today.

Okay?

Can I take a quick break? I licked like 200 envelopes.

Yeah, you got to use a sponge, man.

You can't get all that glue in your gut.

- Ain't you ever seen "Seinfeld"? - What's "Seinfeld"?

TV show about a bunch of Jews.

- Escaping the Nazis? - No, long after that.

Actually, it is one Nazi and they make soup.

- Out of Jews? - No...

Shit. What the fuck?

Squeeze, it's a comedy. "Seinfeld," it's...

Certain subjects should be off-limits for comedy.

I think I'm gonna get sick.

From the licking, not the Jew soup.

- Okay. - Though that didn't help.

All right, hey, this stuff has to ship today.

- Right, right. Sure, sure. - All right? Don't forget.

Yeah.

Reg. Good to see you again.

Ricky Shelton, New Hampshire Public Radio, here to interview Cam.

Ricky, I guarantee you that I did not confirm

the interview that you intend to conduct. I said it had to be off-season.

Yes, but when I texted Cam to thank him for even considering,

he texted back saying he'd do it.

He texted. I can show you my phone.

- I set up his interviews. - I flew down from New Hampshire.

Well, then make sure you visit the aquarium before you fly back.

They got this glass tunnel thing where whale sharks swim above you.

- It's dope. - That dude all right?

Yes, he's fine. Safe travels.

Come on, please. You know I'm not some random.

I went to college with the guy.

That's got to count for something.

I know it's his off day. Please just ask.

- Hey, don't go outside. - How'd you know I puked outside?

- 'Cause I just saw you. - Squeeze, I told you no eating pork.

No, it's... it's from the envelope.

Never buy pork through the mail.

Pork don't keep like Omaha Steaks.

Yeah, he just licked too many envelopes, okay?

But along with Squeeze's puke, Ricky Shelton,

formerly from the University of New Hampshire

and now from NH Public Radio is outside.

Says that you invited him for an interview after I did not.

- Ah. - Ah, what?

- I... I did invite him. - You did?

- Yeah, I gave him the address. -

I left his name with the guard at the gate. I forgot.

Yeah, I want to lose this guy, but I'm running it by you

because that is what I do. I run it by you

and then you tell me what to do and then I do it until you undo it.

As your former PR rep, I caution you not to blow off a journalist.

No, he's just some dude he once vaguely knew.

He's a brother with a new radio show doing interviews

with famous people who have ties to New Hampshire.

Must be a limited series.

He's an old friend who helped me get a lot of notice.

- Oh, Ricky's an old friend of yours? - Yeah.

- I didn't know that. - He sent articles about me...

- Sure, he did. - ... To the wire services.

- Really? Good old Rick. - Yeah, he edited some highlight videos

- and he posted them up. - See, this thing you do,

this syphoning off of credit for other people, it has to stop somewhere.

And, no, this seems like a good place to start.

Cam, your... your handles got you noticed.

Your jump shot got you noticed.

A college newspaper reporter that you kind of knew

for a short time who shows up 'cause he wants something

ain't the reason for the notice

nor does he deserve the title of old friend.

- I know I make your job hard sometimes. - Do you?

But, please, can... can you just undo what I asked you to do in the first place?

Squeeze, you okay, baby?

I'm okay, ma'am.

Well, there's 10 bathrooms in this house.

Don't spit in my sink.

So the big-money contract, the all-star numbers,

the pride of the University of New Hampshire

makes a name in the pro game.

It's also a year you lose your uncle.

I'm sorry, it's tragic.

It's messed up, but it's also kind of stupid.

Like you're here and then you're not here.

If you were to make a list of stupid things, death would be tops?

Yes, sir. Some of us killed stupidly.

Wrong place, wrong time or just randomly,

you know, without reason.

And my Uncle J, you know... look, cars are great.

We get to drive places. We don't got to walk or... or take a... a horse.

Horses terrify me. You know, people get upset

when horses get sent away and made into glue.

I myself am excited that one less horse is on the street.

Time is saved, distances are shrunk with automobiles.

But mechanical things driven at high speeds kill people.

Lives end, other lives get altered. It's stupid.

But you can't just be, like, despairing

as you're walking through life saying the experience is stupid.

- People do. That's not a good look. - We all die.

And the price of existence is that existence must end.

But knowing this all ends, how do you not get swamped in anguish?

Shh.

- Can you shut them the fuck up, please? - Yeah.

Sorry, man. You can... you can bleep that, right?

Uh, for the radio broadcast, sure,

but we post a podcast version that can run longer and unedited.

Plus, this is real. We're... we're talking about real stuff.

How has his death changed you?

It's messed me up.

It woke me up, you know?

Death makes you think about life.

Death makes you examine the point of your life.

Is the point to be the best basketball player you can be?

It's a great gig,

but I think the bigger point is,

and the... and the point of my life and everybody's life

should be can you be the best human you can be?

God, his head's getting so big, I'm shocked the headphones fit.

- Shh! - You shh!

We are whispering!

Go ahead, Ricky.

Grappling with death means grappling with how you live your life.

How do you care and make your life matter

even if you're never let in on where we'd go if we go anywhere after we die?

Like, so many of us are... are asleep to other people's hopelessness

and... and pain and shit until the shit hits our own shit.

But all of life is a test. Can you do right, be good,

foster kindness, fight for justice?

I want to start a... a family foundation in honor of my Uncle Julius

to help other people do good work

and to help me make more out of my own life.

What will your charity support?

I want to help kids. Kids deserve our help.

Kids in poverty. Kids in hospitals.

Someone just tweeted me a GoFundMe thing

for these kids that are... that are born with this awful thing

where their... their nostrils are, like, fused together.

I think it's called frozen nostril syndrome.

Children in the Arctic? The Inuit?

No, like everywhere. Like they're not actually frozen.

It's... it's more like they got no nostrils,

so they gotta breathe through their mouths.

Like where their nostrils should be, the nostrils are all fucked up.

People take nostrils for granted.

Yeah, and these... these poor kids

are born with, you know, their noses all fucked up.

Like, I want to be able to help that kind of situation.

That's the kind of good work that I'm talking about.

It's noble to do good work.

Yeah, it's what we all should be doing.

You know, people say it takes a village,

but what if that village

is full of white folks that don't want you around?

- Mmm. - What if you're in the wrong village?

A village that wants to hold you down?

A village that systematically puts you in metaphorical shackles?

What if you're not in the right village?

We need to hold one another up.

Because I'll tell you what, we all we got.