It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

It's a mad, mad, mad...

Whoa!

Did you see it, the way he went sailing right out there?

- He just went sailing out there. - It was just terrible.

He must have been doing over 80.

An ambulance... We ought to call an ambulance.

Look at that car.

He must have gone by you doing 90 miles an hour.

He was passing me! I never saw such a crazy thing in my life!

- Let's get down there. - Let's go.

We're going down there.

Russell, be careful. Remember your condition.

Eh!

Boy, the way he just sailed out there...

Look out.

There's nobody in the car.

- He's right. - What do you mean, nobody?

There he is.

Holy smoke!

How about that? This guy's still alive.

He's still alive.

We ought to call an ambulance.

I don't know how he survived, the way you went sailing right out there.

I'm not a doctor, but I have some medical experience.

I'm a dentist.

Do you think you're hurt real bad?

Is he kidding?

Hold on, we're gonna get you to a hospital.

You move me, I'll break up in little pieces.

But what a deal.

Look, there's this dough, see?

There's all this dough: $350,000!

Do you hear what I'm saying?

$350,000!

In the park, in Rosita, Rosita Beach State Park...

...just south of Dago in Santa Rosita.

It's in this box buried under this...

Buried under this big W.

You'll see it.

You'll see it under this... under this big W.

You can't miss it, a big... a big W.

And it's been there... And it's been laying there for 15 years.

He's very sick. He may die.

Listen. I tell you, I'm giving it to you.

And don't let them kid you. Don't let them kid you.

Don't let them give you the business because it was mine and I paid for it...

...paid for every lousy buck of it.

But watch out.

Watch out for the bulls.

Lousy, stinking bulls are everywhere.

Bulls all over the place.

You just drive down and dig it up.

Dig it all up.

And then...

And then you fix yourselves all up.

Fix yourselves all up.

Walk down the street like a king, back to the old neighborhood.

See the fellas, the dames...

...the dames, all with a big hello...

...a big hello for old Smiler.

Good old Smiler...

...everybody's friend.

Everybody's...

- Aunt Belle, I didn't mean to do it! - Holy mackerel! Take it easy.

Please, say it don't make any difference, Aunt Belle!

Please, you got to say...

You got to tell me it don't make any difference!

For heaven's sake, tell him.

It... It don't make any difference.

That guy's dead. You'd better believe it.

I believe it, all right.

But if he jumps up again, I'm getting the hell out of here.

- What a routine he went through. - Somebody ought to cover him up.

What are you looking at? All I got is this sweater.

I got a blanket in the truck.

Do you think there was anything in all that?

He was just raving. He flipped.

Hey. This must... This must be the police.

Think we ought to tell them what he said?

Don't say anything or we'll be here all day.

We got to be in Vegas this afternoon.

I got a van of furniture to get to Yuma.

My wife and I are on our second honeymoon.

My wife's up there with her mother. We're on our way to Lake Mead.

What's to argue about? Just clam up. Don't say nothing.

This way, we get out of here.

Are you a police officer?

Yep!

- How long ago did this happen? - A few minutes ago.

About five minutes ago.

- Any of you actually see it happen? - Well, uh...

- He passed me on the curve... - Did anybody actually see it?

He was passing me when he sailed right out there.

- Right over there, up there. - Who was the first down here?

We all went down.

Was he dead?

Was he already dead?

I said, "Was he already dead when you got down here?"

Practically.

He was still alive. Did he say anything?

- Did he say anything before he died? - What about?

What do you mean, "what about?"

Did he say anything or didn't he say anything?

- He was raving, Officer. - Raving? What about?

Well, he said... What he said was sort of...

Embarrassing.

What was? Come on.

He thought that this fellow was his aunt.

- His aunt? - Yeah. His Aunt Belle.

Must have had an aunt named Aunt Belle.

All right!

Did he make any kind of statement? Any last messages?

He didn't make that clear at all.

He didn't make anything clear. Can we get going?

Just a minute.

I'll get your names and where you can be reached.

We're on our honeymoon. We don't know where we'll be.

We can't stick around.

We're due in Las Vegas. We don't know how long we'll stay there.

I got a van of furniture to get to Yuma before I get back to...

We stopped to see if we could help.

We was too late. Let us go, okay?

We'll hold services for him later. We got our lives to live.

- We ain't had breakfast yet. - All right.

I'll have to get your name, anyway.

Hold it.

Me?

- Why? - In case the coroner wants a statement.

J. Russell Finch, 2790 Penrose Boulevard, Fresno.

I won't be home for a few weeks but you can get me through my office.

- What'd you say? - Where is your office?

Pacific Edible Seaweed Company and it's in Fresno.

- You can call my secretary. - Ambulance is on its way.

Yeah.

- Is he dead? - Yeah.

We'd better shift those cars. They're on the curb.

That's all we can get from this group.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Thanks.

Well...

There's an unexpected twist for you.

They're not going to like this down at Santa Rosita.

- Culpeper's going to scream. - Yeah.

- We better get our story straight if... - What story?

He woke up as usual. He started driving his car.

He stopped for breakfast.

He went to the gents' room, climbed out the back window.

So what? Even Culpeper can't say we should've been in there with him.

What got me is the way he went sailing out there.

If I have to climb much more, I'll be laying there with him.

Poor soul.

Uh...

Melville, what happened?

We couldn't do anything for him. Nothing we could do. Come on.

Well?

Uh...

- It was a terrible thing. - Russell, I feel sick.

Take it easy. These things happen.

What kind of attitude is that, "these things happen"?

They only happen because this country is full of people...

...who, when things happen, just say, "These things happen."

- And that's why they happen! - Let's try not to get upset.

Come on.

We got to have control of what happens to us.

If we left it up to you, we'd never hear the last of it.

You're right.

Do you know what those half-wit morons up in Sacramento do about it?

They just sit there with their big feet up on their big desk...

...milking 15 million people of... - Listen, I want to say something.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I've got to say something.

- What are you looking at? - I'm watching something.

Benjy, turn around, sit still.

- Play it straight. - They're not kiddin'. They went for it.

Yeah? What are you going to do now?

I want you to tell me everything that man told you, word for word.

Don't leave out anything.

But do you think he really meant it?