The Goldbergs

Back in the '80s, I was obsessed with Space Camp.

Yep, NASA had an actual summer program

where you got to live like an astronaut.

Hollywood even made a "Space Camp" movie

starring a young Joaquin Phoenix

and a goofy robot

which captured the heart of the entire nation.

Shhhh!

No one is talking, dude.

Well, it captured my heart.

Wow! Wasn't that the most amazing movie you've ever seen?

Eh, a bunch of kids

getting accidentally launched into space?

That's asking a lot of the audience.

It wasn't an accident.

A small boy befriends a robot

who gets a NASA computer to launch them into orbit.

It's based on a true story.

Yeah, you said the same thing

about "Mannequin" and "Weekend at Bernie's."

Fine! I believe in the magic of movies!

Doesn't change the fact

that I'm gonna go to the real Space Camp someday.

Well, if I were you, I'd go now, before it's too late.

What do you mean, too late?

We're in high school next year, bro.

Stuff like Space Camp doesn't exactly scream "cool."

No! You think?

Your dorkiness is becoming a tonnage issue,

so, yeah, I'd rein it in.

Then it's settled!

This summer, I will live out my dream at Space Camp,

and nothing's gonna stop me.

Nothing except your dad, who will for sure stop you.

Oh, he'll try, but I got the ultimate weapon...

Showmanship.

You guys.

What the hell?!

Jim J. Bullock was about to get sassy!

Jimmy J. can wait!

I've got an urgent presentation for you

that will for sure change your entire life.

Will it?

Adam: Space... The final frontier.

Or is it?

My name is Adam Frederick Goldberg,

and I have the right stuff.

Big-time!

Damn you, earthling hero!

I would have taken your precious moon

if it wasn't for one thing!

Both: Space Camp!

Commander Adam Goldberg,

you just saved the moon from an alien invasion.

How did you do it?

I learned it at...

Space Camp!

That's right... Space Camp.

For the price of only 500 cups of coffee,

you can help your youngest son reach for the stars.

It's me... Adam Clayberg,

and my dream is to go on a real spaceship.

Look! Here's one now!

All aboard!

Distorted voices: Space Camp!

I know you're a busy man,

so I took the liberty of filling out the check.

Wow.

Of all the moron things my moron kids have ever asked for,

this takes the cake.

Dad, this is my dream!

You're literally asking me for a spaceship.

Don't twist my words!

I just want access to one.

- The answer is "No". - I'm not sending you to space.

And you! Stop encouraging him!

I have to be honest...

I don't know what any of this is.

I just like spending time with the boy.

It was Mother's Day 1980-something,

and my mother was awaiting her children's love

on her special day.

Something's wrong. I don't smell breakfast.

Except her children forgot.

It's me... your mother.

Ready to enjoy all the things that mothers get.

You know.

Enough with the small talk. We need breakfast foods.

I'm a growing boy.

I would love a nice fruit plate, but with no honeydew filler.

And don't let the pineapple touch the kiwi.

Yeah, I like that. Sounds good.

You should really be writing this down.

Fortunately, our house had one suck-up...

- Oh! - Me.

What's this? You two finally dating? Ha!

Oh, boopie! That's so sweet!

Happy Mother's Day.

Son of a bitch.

We are so boned.

What's wrong?

D-Did you guys forget

and I'm the only decent child in this family?

Shut your face-mouth! We have a gift.

It's a boat.

It's two boats.

It's not a boat, but it's way cooler and more expensive.

We just got to go wrap the awesome thing

that we bought you months and months ago.

We got to go to the toilet together.

You deserve better.

I really do.

There she is, doing the hardest job in the world!

Bet you thought we forgot about your special day,

but we were just messing with you.

Gotcha, you clueless piece of crap!

Happy Mother's Day!

Oh, what do we have here?

Mom coupons.

Yep. Good for one free huggie.

Mine's for a snuggle wuggle.

- All righty. - Another great Mother's Day!

Take care.

Uh, you do know the ink is still wet on these?

But it's the thought that counts.

You didn't have the thought.

You didn't think about me at all.

And yet, it counts.

Kind of seems like

a desperate, half-assed empty gesture to me.

Empty?

You can totally cash those bad boys in any time you want.

- Great. - I'll cash them in right now.

Ooh... now's no good for me.

How about you save them for a special occasion,

like... next Mother's Day?

Or I can cash them all in today

and make this the greatest Mother's Day of my life.

What the... You kept all those?

Oh, yes.

Through the years, you've given me many coupons,

and I've been saving them all for a rainy day.

Guess what.

Storm's a-comin'.

Oh, yes.

Forget Mother's Day.

It was time for Smother's Day.

What... have we... done?

As Barry and Erica entered their worst nightmare,

I was still dreaming of Space Camp.

Ohhh! What is this we happened to stumble upon?

It's the Gyrotron 2000,

which simulates the tumble-spin upon a rocket's re-entry.

Kiddo, weren't you just talking about Space Camp?

What an amazing coincidence! Wait.

You said you needed sports shoes for the big athletic game.

And now that I hear myself say it, I'm an idiot!

The real reason I brought you here was to witness my dream.

I told you... No Outer Space Camp.

It's just "Space Camp"!

And once you see the joy on my face,

you won't be able to tell me "No".

Trust me... Your heart will melt.

Aaaah!

Ohhhhh!

Oh, this isn't right!

We shouldn't be playing God!

That looks joyful.

My system! My delicate system!

My delicate system!!

Sure, I ruined a pair of pants, but still had my passion.

If Mom asks, my old pants were stolen. Got it?

Okay, you gonna give up on all this space nonsense now?

No! Come on. Put yourself in my shoes.

Think back to when you were a kid...

You know, pushing a hoop with a stick

on the way to the old fishin' hole.

How old do you think I am?!

Point is, you were a child once, with hopes and dreams,

just like me.

We're the same.

Nope. Never had any dreams.

Every kid has dreams. Mm, I didn't.

Wait... You've always been like this?

I thought life broke you down.

Eh, even before that, I was like... "Myeh."

Can you believe him?

Look, don't be so hard on your dad.

It's how he was raised.

Pop-Pop convinced him that dreams were stupid.

That's it!

I'll go ask Pop-Pop!

He'll know if Dad had any hopes and dreams.

Wait. You actually want to go talk to that bitter old bastard?

You're a braver man than I am.

For me, fear isn't an option.

Excuse me, sir. You left this bag in the dressing room.

Looks like your old pants?

It's not mine! It belongs to another small boy!

Go, go, go! Go, go!