Sealab 2021

Discover a magical world under the sea.

A place where adventure and magic come together...

...in a magical adventure of magic and adventure for the whole family.

Sealab, drown yourself in a magical adventure.

- How much ass does that kick? - How much--?

You borrowed 100 grand against Sealab to make this?

A hundred and three or so.

And now we have to get tourists to come down here...

...to pay back the money you spent on a commercial...

...to get tourists to come down here to pay back the money...

...we didn't even owe before you made this stupid commercial!

Or we could lose Sealab.

And, you know, with that attitude of yours, I can go either way.

- I really can. - Well, I can't.

I'm not gonna let the damn bank take Sealab.

And that can-do attitude is why you're the new head bartender.

- Oh, this is great. - Oh, it's metal. Look.

- Welcome to Sealab, everybody. - Grand Canyon, my ass.

- When do we eat? - I'm Captain Murphy...

...and you are in for the vacation of a lifetime.

Breathtaking undersea adventures, world-class floorshows and dining...

-...and if you came to relax... - One, two, three.

-...then just put your chubby legs-- - He has special needs.

- Is that contagious? - No, you silly billy. It's not contagious.

Well, then, let's get your amazingly expensive Sealab vacation started.

Look at that.

I'm so excited about being here and eating food.

Little egg-brain over there, isolate and contain.

- Okay, yeah, I'm on it. - Look at me.

- Isolate and contain. - Four.

Fourteen, 15, 16, 17.

- Honey. Honey, I'm so excited about this. - Oh, I got that.

- Before we start, I have to... - Do you guys have an outlet?

Hey! Before we start, I have to ask a few questions for safety reasons.

Now, are any women here pregnant?

Well, maybe tonight after the big masquerade ball:

Paul Shaffer look-alike guy, everybody. Give him a hand.

You're cuckoo wacky, babe.

Okay, is anyone menstruating?

I know it's embarrassing, but this is for your own safety.

Is anyone menstruating?

- Oh, I am. - You're having your period? Now?

- Yes. - Okay, when did your period start?

...

-I think Thursday. - You think or you know?

- Come on, big one, get it together. - Yes, Thursday. Thursday night.

Thursday. Okay. Her period started on Thursday.

- Thursday. - Now, do you have sex when menstruating?

- What? - Never mind. Hey, you're doing great.

All right, now, could you do me a favor and hop in the pool?

- But I'm on my period. - Yes, you've made that painfully clear.

- Now, get in the pool. - Okay. Here goes.

Watch closely, everybody.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. Look, they're killing her.

- That's terrible. - It's a dolphin, but he's eating her.

Some went in my eye.

Let that be a lesson to you, people.

Aunt Flo drives these animals crazy.

But the brochure said there were...

-...eleven different bars down here. - Oh, sure.

There's Beyond Liquor Dome, Exscurvy, Shank.

- Where do we get something to drink? - How about some breakfast first, big guy?

- Nope, can't wait. - Can we check on our kids?

No need to worry. They're having a great time with Serf or Clown.

Okay, okay. No, no, no, kid. Just roll the smoke around in your mouth.

- Learn to savor it. - Señor Clown, I gonna throw up.

That means it's working. I'm glad. That's a Cohiba Robusto.

- Señor clown - It's really bueno, kid.

I want my mommy.

Señor Clown wants your mommy too, kid. Shut up.

Hey.

What's that free Welcome Aboard drink like? Is it good?

The Welcome Aboard is red wine with a shot of mole sauce in it.

- Who the hell would order that? - Nobody. Want a martini?

- Yeah. Two, please. - Twenty-two dollars.

- For two martinis? - Apiece.

- Are you serious? - Olive's a buck extra.

- That's robbery. - Come on, you know you gotta have it.

- Look at your hand shaking. - Dish it up, cookie.

Hey, how's it looking, Sparks? Our guests having a gay old Sealab time?

Well, most of the adults are doing the ecotourism challenge. Observe.

People, today you are not just tourists.

You are eco-warriors.

Well, in the brochure, it said we'd be tagging endangered species of fish.

- I'm gonna tag your damn fish, fat man. - What?

Did I ask you to talk? Let me do that again. Didn't mean to cut you off.

- What? - Hush. Now.

Who can tell me the ocean's number one enemy?

- The sky? - The--

You're just talking crazy, fat man. It's plastic, people. Plas--

I'm sorry.

Hush! So today we gonna help save the ocean...

...by putting these little choky plastic bits in glass safety domes.

- Hey, these are just Sealab souvenirs. - You're damn right, shorty.

Now, get to work.

- Don't mess with my money, hear? - That's my spoon.

I need to get paid.

And the rest of the grown-ups are on the Moonlight Rendez-cruise.