Man Goes On Rant

Five, four, three, two, one.

I've been having the same dream over and over.

I'm in my bed, and someone's in the room with me.

It's the first person I've seen in a long time.

Before I know it, he has a pillow over my face

and I'm being smothered blue.

Fuck, fuck!

- -Ah, fuck!

- -Erica.

Holy shit. Wake up.

Wake up. What happened?

It was just a nightmare.

It's okay.

It's okay. You're okay.

What was the nightmare?

I don't know.

I don't even remember what was happening.

You okay?

Yeah.

I just forgot who I was for a second.

You're Erica Martin.

Mother-to-be.

Four more months.

Isn't it weird--

Sorry, I'll turn the light on. I know you hate it, I'm sorry.

I just gotta get this out. Isn't it weird

when you wake up from, like, a really deep sleep

and it's like you just came from another dimension?

It's like-- it's like, where was I?

You know, it's just like the overlord's finished

uploading your memories in your brain.

I was going down the YouTube rabbit hole

after watching that Elon Musk interview,

the one about the simulations. I mean, I don't--

I mean, I don't even really believe it, but...

I don't know, I just couldn't stop watching

video after video after video.

And it's so weird, because all the same people who say

that they're atheists are the same exact people

who say we're living in a giant computer program,

and it's like, yeah, dude, you're talking about God.

But even then, I don't know. I mean, it's like--

I feel like--

I feel like that's why I feel like I'm smart or something,

because I won't go either way with it, you know?

Like, I'm just pretty good saying, like, "I don't know."

Erica?

I'm sorry.

I just really need to sleep.

Are you mad at me?

No. I just need to sleep.

Okay.

Is she kicking? Has she been kicking?

Erica, has she been kicking?

I think everything goes back to 9/11.

I mean, like, no shit. Duh.

But, like, if you look at the trajectory of everything

that happened after that, like, specific events

and when they occurred, it's like, you just--

you can't believe that things happened when they happened.

Right? I mean, and, like, I have a hard time remembering

anything before 9/11 that wasn't, like, sports

or, like, going and hanging out with friends,

but that was, like-- that was kind of, like,

when I stopped having friends as much, because, like,

I was in college, and I wasn't, like,

going to parties or anything.

I mean, like, not on 9/11. I wasn't--

on 9/11, I wasn't going to any parties. I just--

I just-- But it's so weird because, like, Y2K, right?

Like, I was 18-- 18? Yeah, 'cause, like--

Yeah, 'cause I was going into senior year,

and it was, like, second semester?

Or second quarter. It's third quarter.

Do you guys have quarters? Anyway, it was just

this big joke, 'cause it was like, "Y2K, oh, my gosh.

Like, planes are gonna fall out of the sky."

But, like, nothing happened, right? Like, literally nothing.

But it's crazy because then I was, like, watching YouTube

and watching all these videos, and all these guys--

or, like, one guy-- one guy actually was saying

that, like, it was a problem, but nothing happened

because they'd been working on it for years.

How-- how have you been? Sorry.

-Sorry. -I'm good.

Uh, you know, just hanging in there.

Sorry, I just, uh-- Ow, sorry. Do you mind-- Can I-- I'm gonna

-take this off right now. -Sure.

Sorry, you said you're hanging in there?

Yeah. You know, like, family, work, same stuff.

It's good to see you out and about.

Yeah. You know, it's kind of like a learning curve for me.

Like, it's not-- I'm not, like-- You know.

Still kind of gutting it out, you know,

but still also trying to get out there, you know?

This whole thing, like, we're all headed for this,

like, massive collapse, and just seeing that narrative

in the media is just, like, way too much for me.

-I agree completely, man. -Yeah, I mean, like,

I don't even believe it, right? Like, it's not even true.

Like, I mean, at the end of the day,

I think we're all better than that, aren't we?

I mean, the problem is like we're all just so fuckin'--

sorry-- we're all so freakin' impressionable that, like,

we're just trying to sink our teeth into

whatever the next thing is. Like, I was watching, again,

YouTube, and there was this Malcolm Gladwell interview

where he was talking about, like, social contagions

and how, like, everything in our culture is just sort of,

like, a result of the power of suggestion, really.

Like, everything, from, like...

I don't know, catchphrases to, like, song lyrics.

Like, you name it, right? I mean, like anxiety, right?

I mean, like, we're an anxiety-filled culture,

we're an anxiety-filled society, and, like, I have anxiety.

I'm sure you have anxiety.

I just-- Sometimes I wish it would just, like, be quiet.

You know? I just wish it would just kind of, like, quiet down.

So that was, like-- So like I was saying, it was, like, 2000.

I don't even-- Like, what was 2000?

You got Elián González. You got, like,

the first X-Men movie comes out, you got, like--

obviously, like, the Timothy McVeigh execution.

Or, like-- That actually-- that might've been 2001.

But I can't even remember anything else about 2001, right?

Like, except-- Oh, it was Clinton's last year in office.

Oh, my gosh, Florida. Hanging chads,

Bush wins the election, and then cut to nine months later.

Right in the middle of the building.

And right now, that-- Yes, that was definitely--

It looked like it was on purpose.

I'm watching this shit, and I'm, like,

saying the same thing that they're saying on TV.

It's like this is a fuckin' movie. I'm just speechless.

I mean, you remember. Like, there's people

running down the street in throngs, you know? And--

You expect Godzilla to come

running around the corner, you know?

Wait, isn't it crazy that, like--

Yeah, like, right now we're 26 years removed from Godzilla.

The Matthew Broderick one. You remember that?

That was only three years earlier.

And so right now we're 26 years away from Godzilla,

but when Godzilla came out,

we were 26 years away from, like, The Godfather.

Wait, Godzilla, The Godfather.

I just-- I remember walking into school,

and there was this guy and he was standing on a bench,

and he was just standing on this bench yelling, like,

"We're all gonna die," right?

And it was, again, like this big joke,

but we had all just watched two planes go into two buildings

on live TV, and then two more planes crash,

and 3,000 people are dead, and this guy is just

on this park bench in the school just screaming,

"We're all gonna die." I mean...

I mean, I laughed, but it was 'cause I was nervous, you know?

Do you think that's how Americans deal with,

like, really bad shit? Like, we just make fun of it?

Like, "Ha-ha-ha, it's not happening."

But then, like, you remember after that, like,

everywhere you went, there were just flags everywhere.

Right? I mean, like, it was just--

It was like the terrorists have done what no one else could do:

bring America together, you know?

Patriotism has been spreading across America.

America is united. We are stronger than ever.

And Bush had, like, a 90% approval rating.

Like, which you can't, like-- you could never--

Nothing has 90% approval now.

Like, maybe orgasms, but, like, not everyone, right?

I mean, everyone was just, like, fucking gacked

on this idea of America, right? Like, that's my point. Like--

And it was after being blindsided.

After-- after losing.

You know? I mean, that's just...

I mean, it's kind of beautiful

when you think about it, you know?

You know, it's funny, you could see when Bush

was giving that bullhorn speech thing at Ground Zero,

he was-- you know, he was doing his spiel.

And the people who knocked these buildings down

-will hear all of us soon. -

And it's subtle,

but he puts the bullhorn back up to say something,

but he stops himself because

everyone is chanting "USA, USA, USA."

USA! USA! USA!

I mean, that's any president's bread and butter.

I mean, if you get the people to start chanting that,

and then you throw a curveball at the World Series?

I just kind of have an excellent memory for this kind of shit,

and, like, that's what it is. I mean, I, like--

Like, I see everything in my head,

and then when I'm not talking, I hear everything, you know?

And I'm sure-- I'm sure there's something I could do about it,

but I kind of like it, you know?

I'm sure you have, like, an internal monologue.

-Like... -"Internal monologue."

Wait, what do you mean by that?