Last Man Standing

Hey, Joe, you're a car guy.

What do you think of self-driving cars?

I don't like 'em.

I mean, you don't know who to give the finger to.

All right, gentlemen, Broncos-Chargers game this Sunday, Mike's house, right?

Any questions?

- I got one. - Yeah?

Did you just invite people to my house?

Yeah, well, that's where we watched the Chargers game last season.

The Broncos went on to win the Super Bowl,

so this year, we're going to do everything the same way.

Sounds like fun.

Yeah, but not for you. You're not coming.

I'm sorry. You weren't there last year.

It's my house.

If I don't want Joe there, it's not because he's bad luck.

It's because I don't like him.

Now I know who to give the finger to.

You're coming.

But if the Broncos lose, it's your ass.

All your superstitions make me nervous.

Nobody breathes between downs.

Last year, I blacked out and knocked over the end table.

You'll need to do that again this year.

You know, Ed, your rituals are insane.

There's only one reason why the Broncos are gonna win tomorrow.

I control the game with my mind.

Wait a minute. Are you one of those people

- who can control things with your mind? - Yes, Joe.

What do you call that? Tele... Tele...

Tele-nutcase. Tele-nutcase. Let's go with that.

You want proof?

Remember Prater's record 64-yard field goal?

It wasn't him. All me.

Boom!

Ooh!

Morning. Just wanted to give you guys these invites to the wedding shower.

I just heard you say "guys" and "wedding shower"

in the same sentence.

Yeah. You are all invited.

It is a Jack and Jill shower.

Who's Jack and Jill?

It's a wedding shower for the bride and the groom.

We'll talk, play games. It's gonna be great!

A guy and girl getting married... boy, you don't see that much anymore.

I'm not going to go to this. I don't even know these people.

It's Kyle and Mandy.

My wife wants us to go, we're going.

It's the same time as the game.

We're not going.

But, Mom, my shower has to be a spectacle, and doves would be beautiful.

Yes, they would.

So what makes it cruel?

You can't staple lace on a bird.

Hey, guys.

Hey, hon. (Chuckles)

We are having such a... time... planning Mandy and Kyle's shower.

You know, I just read to take the stress off showers,

people are having them on Wednesdays.

Uh, no.

Sunday's the only day we could do it, and you are gonna be there.

Yeah, oh, and Chuck, Joe, and Ed are all coming, too, right?

'Cause you can never have too many people

telling you what a beautiful bride you'll be.

Seriously, somebody tell me that, right now.

Yeah, they're coming, and they're... they're real excited about it.

- So am I. - Really?

Even though the Broncos are playing that day?

Wow. Has football season started already?

Yeah, um... I'm still waiting.

You will be a beautiful bride, Mandy!

Oh, thanks, Mommy.

- Hey, guys. - Hi.

Hey.

How was laser tag?

Oh, great. Ryan was an animal.

Took out a whole pack of 8-year-olds, including the birthday boy.

Yeah. I waited for his mom to come comfort him,

and that's when I dropped her.

I wasn't listening to any of that, but great story, guys.

Um, can we please get back to my shower?

It's actually not your shower. It's for you and Kyle.

You share the spotlight equally.

Mike, I see what you're doing.

Uh, so do I, and God bless him.

I'm the bride. I don't want to share the spotlight.

Well, it's a... it's a Jack and Jill shower, so, legally,

you have to give half the attention to Kyle.

How did I not see that before?

Sweetie, would you be horribly disappointed

- if I forbid you from coming to our shower? - Ohh.

I'd never be horrible at being disappointed.

That's the upside to having awful parents.

Mandy, no. No, no, no.

Kyle is not going to lose out

just because your dad doesn't want to go to a party.

Come on, come on.

Well, we could always do something for Kyle at my place.

Yes! That would be a good idea.

Really? Really? Ryan had a good idea?

Yeah. He has good ideas on occasion.

I don't know why you have to put the boy down.

I'll be there, Ryan.

Yeah, and so will Mike. You promise me.

Yeah, of course I'll be there. Yeah.

All right. Well, then it's a plan.

Kyle's shower, my house, this Sunday.

Should we say 2:00?

Well, what do you say we go with 1:30?

That way, we can catch the highlights of the other sh-showers.

Vanessa: Hello, ladies. Come on in.

You can put your gifts right there on that table,

and there's drinks in the kitchen.

Mandy is going to be a little late, even though she lives upstairs.

Oh, I forgot Mandy was coming to this thing.

Okay, I have no idea how to do this,

but I'm supposed to find anyone who clashes with Mandy

and move them to the patio.

I will give you $20 if you tell Mandy I clash.

- Ed. - (Chuckles)

If that wasn't your valet out there, I just tipped a carjacker.

He was just...

You... You do know the guys are all at Ryan's house, right?

Oh, yes, yes. I'm aware of that.

But I watched the Broncos play the Chargers here last year.

You see, so...

Need I explain more?

Yes.

This is where the magic happened.

Now, with the guys gone, my presence here is even more crucial.

Okay, now I'm even more confused, but luckily, I don't care.

You can watch the game here. Just stay out of our hair.

Thank you, thank you. Oh, and just one more thing, please.

Uh, bring me a bowl of pretzels in the 4th quarter, like you did last season?

Ed, I can only handle one crazy person today, and that's Mandy.

All right. You know what?

As I recall, you were cranky like this last season, also.

This is good. This is very good.

Mandy: Cameras ready, I am entering!

Vanessa: Oh.

Everybody clashed?

I've never been to a wedding shower before.

I've been to weddings, and I've showered...

...but I've never put the two together.

There's no shower here. I talked to Ryan.

We're just gonna watch the football game.

Oh, well, that I've done before, so I'm good.

Ryan: Come on in.

Welcome to your shower, Kyle!

You totally got me, Mr. B.

I thought we were gonna watch the game.

What's going on, Ryan?

Yellow and blue... these are Charger colors.

Yeah, they're also my favorite.

Yellow and blue are the colors of my grandmother's eyes.

Relax, okay? We're gonna watch the game after the shower.

I got the DVR set up to record...

No, no, no, no, no, no. We got to watch the game live.

Otherwise, my powers have no effect.

- Mike, that is so crazy. - It's not crazy!

I imagine what I want to happen, ergo, it happens.

It's science.

- (Knock on door) - Come in.

Hey, guys.

Hey! Hey, what's going on, Baxter?

You got us out of a shower just to get us into a different shower?

Not cool.

Hey, this isn't football food, okay?

You can't eat little cakes with your names on 'em

when you're watching football.

Oh, Chuck, yours is right here. Look.

It's a great shower, man.

Here's what's gonna happen... I'm gonna sit in this couch,

farting, watching the Bronco game.

You can sit and watch it after the shower.

What goes on at these showers, anyway?

Do you play games and stuff?

Oh, that'd be fun.

I love the feeling of having my hair braided.

I don't think we're going to be doing that one, in particular.

We're going to watch football.

Men don't braid their hair when they're watching football.

I can't even believe you said that in a sentence!

Guys, come on. There's plenty of fun stuff we can do, okay?

I Googled a great shower game, like, "Guess what's in the sock."

My foot.

- "Know the bride." - Mandy.

Hey, hey. How about let somebody else play, okay?

Oh, oh, and I got some mismatched tuxedos from a vintage store.

We're going to dress Kyle up and make him play our butler.

Hey, I like to dress up.

You got any denim shirts in there?

We're not putting anything on except the Bronco game!

Wow, this really bugs you, Baxter.

Turns out the only thing more fun than watching football

is watching Mike Baxter not watch football.

Oh, Jeeves?

More tea, Lord Larabee?

Why, thank you, Jeeves.

And, might I say, your attire is splendid.