Skins

- Yes, Cocker, that's mine. My turn. - Chelle, hi. You ok?

You dirty fucker! I never want to see your tiny, twatty cock ever again.

What's up, Nips?

Hey, hey, come on, Chelle.

I was waiting for you tell me. Time's up, you wanker!

Jesus, what have you done this time?

- Sid? - I dunno.

Oh, Christ's sake!

I must say, she is a fiery one.

Tone, shouldn't you, you know, go after her?

She'll come back.

Michelle! Chelle, what happened?

Never mind!

"Never mind"?

Did he screw someone again?

Again?

I tried to tell you, Chelle.

About who?

- But you never wanna hear it. - About who, for Christ's sakes?!

Jenny, Maggs, Kelly, White Justine, Black Justine,

buck teeth from the geography trip, posh kid from the choir...

Abigail?

Abigail Stock?

He promised he hadn't. Why didn't you tell me?

You're supposed to be my friend.

Chelle, I tried. I didn't wanna...

It's just Tony, right?

Did you do him?

What? Don't be so stupid, Michelle.

I bet you wanted to fuck him.

Cheers, Jal. That's what friends are for, yeah

Whatever, Chelle.

Chelle?

Go away.

Please don't tell anyone. Everyone will think...

Think what, Max?

That you're a dirty little slut who fucks around with other people's boyfriends?

I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. He just... It was nothing.

Can't we just pretend it didn't happen? Yeah?

Go away.

Hi.

You mustn't call me, ok?

Yes, that was lovely,

but we just can't.

You want to what?

Oh...

Oh, God.

You're not even going to see that again, never mind lick it!

Now listen to me, ok? It's over.

Over and...

Oh, Christ!

Drink?

No! God, Michelle.

Who were you talking to?

Nobody.

I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, um...

- I feel better. - Good.

You going to tell me what's happened?

Possibly Tony?

Listen, I'm sure you can work it out.

Oh, God, I love him so much!

And I made him go away.

Look... he's so lovely.

Speak to him. Always best to talk.

Yeah?

Yeah. Communication, that's the key.

Fuck off, you wanker!

No, you listen to me, tosser!

Leave me alone. Leave me alone!

For the last time, fucking leave me alone!

Shall I, er... drive you home?

Thanks.

I know who that was.

Who?

On the phone.

It was Chris, wasn't it?

Of course not.

Why on Earth would Chris ring me?

Angie. Angie!

Look, I know you're here. Your car's in the car park.

You want me, Angie!

Oh, fuck!

I don't see why you couldn't catch the bus home.

Cash outage. It's not my fault the student residences are five miles away.

- Anyway, I wanted to see you and... - Shut up, Chris, ok?!

Michelle doesn't mind. She's got her own problems, ain't you, Chelle?

Shut up, Chris. Ok?

OK.

Cheers, Angie. I'm really grateful... for the hockey kit and everything.

So am I.

Shut it!

Yours?

It's all right, you know.

It's not all right.

- I know you want me. - I don't want you.

It makes perfect sense.

None of this makes sense. I'm your fucking psychology teacher, ok?

It was a mistake and I'm not doing it again!

Chelle. Chelle!

Hey, Nips!

It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief.

Why don't you just leave her alone for a bit?

Sidney?

- She thinks you're a tit. - She doesn't think I'm a tit.

Why do you pull all this shit, Tone?

Look around, Sidney.

Fuck all ever happens in this shitty little town. You gotta improvise.

- No matter who you hurt? - So I messed around with Maxxie a bit.

So what? He was bored, I was bored,

Michelle was bored, and now we're not.

And she's gonna feel so good when she gets me back.

- You sure? - Don't be such a dildo, Sid.

Course she will.

It is my lady! O, it is my love!

O, that she knew she were! She speaks, yet she says nothing.

What of that? Her eye discourses, I will answer it.

Sid?

You see, Sidney? Now you're getting it!

Now you're getting it!

SLURPS

What?

Babe, she's doing it again.

Michelle, don't look at Malcolm in a funny way when he's eating.

- Does he have to make that noise? - I'm only eating, for Christ's sakes!

He's only eating.

Babe, I got that delivery coming today. You said you'd lend me the dosh.

Oh, yeah.

- Er, why are you giving him money? - Sweetheart, we're married.

We all want Malcolm's new venture to be a success, don't we?

Cheers, babe.

Why are you being so horrible?

- Why do you care? - I do care,

but in an "I'm already late for work" kind of way. So come on, make it snappy.

- I dumped Tony. - Oh, right. What for?

He went down on a boy in my history class while I was watching.

Right. Well, you know, say you're sorry or something. I don't know.

And try and be nice to Malcolm. Anyway, what are you doing today?

I thought I'd lounge around the house in my underwear.

Great, ok.

Look, please be nice to Malcolm.

I love him. He's my husband.

Try and be happy for me.

Jesus!

A psychology teacher can do that?

Yes, she can. But look, we gotta keep it under wraps, yeah?

Hmm. Yeah.

She got you good, Tone.

That wasn't Michelle. This was.

Hey, Nips.

People have got issues.

If anyone else wants to take a pop, then, please, go for it now.

Better out than in.

Sidney, are you gonna tell me what's going on?

It's like a fucking episode of The OC.

Nothing. Just leave it, ok?

Right, everyone. Um...

You ok, Angie?

Yeah.

Um...

Why are you wearing that scarf thing?

It's a bit draughty today.

It doesn't suit you, Ange.

Anyway, who's presenting?

It's me.

Ok, well, get on with it.

- "The role of sex in power relationships." - I asked you to write that?

Yeah.

"Power is the single most important force in the universe.

"Money and looks mean nothing except for the power they give us.

"The second most important is sex. So sex plus power equals fun."

Whatever you did that Michelle's too upset to talk about,

I hope you're ashamed of yourself.

It was all my fault.

I got off with Tony on the Russia trip.

I only did it because I fell out with Anwar when he said he hated gays,

so I got upset, and Tony said he'd give me head, to cheer me up, you know,

and I didn't mean anything, but I lost my head

and then he gave me head, and then we got deported from Russia.

And I'm really, really sorry for being a slut, ok?

Right, well...

Anyone else wanna get something off their chest?

- I'm in love with... - Sit down!

Hi, Abi.

Michelle. How, uh, safe to see you.

Isn't it?

- Can I ask you something? - Yah?

Ok. I was just wondering how many times you fucked my boyfriend.

Oh, Abi, you didn't!

Very, very rude of you, yah? It's just horrid!

Don't worry, he fucks everyone...

including boys, so you've got that in common.

- Oh, you absolute bitch! - Hey, hey, hey! Easy, Abi, easy.

God, I didn't! I mean, I just wouldn't.

That's terrible.

I wouldn't go there, mate. Don't know what she's picked up.

- Know what I mean? - It's the absolute limit!

Let go of me! I want to shit her, the fucking bitch-cow-whore!