Life in Pieces

You know, when you said that you wanted

to hit the courts, I thought you meant

the basketball court, not the food court.

Basketball?

What kind of father-son bonding would that be?

Wait. Then why are you wearing workout clothes?

'Cause it absorbs the meat sweats.

And we are gonna sweat, believe you me.

Oh. Sh... Mm.

All right, give me a second here.

Hey, sweetie, make it quick. I'm headed into a tunnel.

Listen, I need you to pick something

up for me while you're still at the mall.

Sure, babe. Whatever you need.

It's a bra, and it's from The Pink Drawer.

No way. You're on your own.

Tim, come on!

I ruined Sam's favorite bra in the wash,

and I need to replace it before she finds out.

Look, you want me

to pick out a bra? Me?

I'm the guy who can't even say "angina" without giggling.

See that? And I'm a doctor, Heather, and I have angina!

Tim, come on, okay? She is gonna yell at me.

I am so afraid of her.

Fine. Just text me the details.

You know I'll do anything for you.

Your mom needs you to pick out a bra for your sister.

What?

One Super Funnel and one Chunnel Funnel, please.

You want anything?

Can I just get some fruit?

Never have kids.

Makes you have to do a bunch of stuff you don't want to do.

This isn't a big deal.

Maybe you could stand to actually

engage with the female experience

instead of letting it be a mystery to you.

You watch a baby explode out of your wife,

and then tell me the female experience isn't a mystery.

Look, it's fine. I'll take care of it.

Uh-huh.

- What happened? - It's all women in there.

No doy! It's a bra shop.

Yes, but I cannot invade their personal female space

with my maleness.

Women get so few public safe spaces.

All right, look, hey, huddle up, huddle up.

You cannot huddle with two people.

This is just hugging.

Listen, we set out today

to spend some quality time together.

Now let's get in there and do it.

Hi. Can I help you with something?

You're right. I shouldn't be here.

Are you lost?

My dad needs to buy a bra.

I'll be over there honoring the space, but not invading it.

Uh...

Anyway, I need a bra.

Okay, well, you look like you're about a 40A.

- Measure you... - Oh, no, no, no, it's not for me.

Oh.

No. Thank you for the "A," though.

Um, I need a Chloe bra, uh, in nude, size 32B.

Okay, well, this is the Chloe line right here.

Oh. Wow.

You want a racerback, a front clasp or T-shirt?

I know I need nude.

Demi? Full coverage?

I just need to get nude.

I mean, just go get nude.

I mean, just... I need a bra.

Okay.

Yes. Dudes.

It's so hard to be an affront to femininity, am I right, guys?

Dude, don't make this weird.

Just read ESPN.

Don't look up.

There's too many options here.

I'm in way over my head!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Babe, don't panic.

Listen, if you can find a peach-pear in the middle

of a bowl of Jelly Bellys, you can find me this bra.

Why don't you just take a picture of it,

and then you send it to me, and I'll let you know if it's right?

There... we go.

So, I've got a few options...

Yeah, that's it right there. That's nice.

Yeah.

Oh. No, my wife told me to do this.

Of course. So I got a few options that, uh,

your wife might be interested in.

See, I feel like you said that with air quotes,

and that's kind of hurtful.

Mom?

Mom, there was a boy right there,

and now he knows I have boobs!

Well, there's nothing wrong with that.

I mean, there... Maybe there is. I don't know.

Well, whichever's less offensive.

Told you not to look up.

Okay, this one is unlined. Did you need lined?

I just know I need nude. What's the difference?

Well, it depends if you need

extra thickness for nipple protrusion.

Uh... does your sister have nipple protrusion?

Are you seriously asking me that?

Her mother does.

Does that run in families?

- I don't think I can ever unhear that. - You know what?

I'll take 'em all.

- I'm done. Let's move on. - Okay.

- Everything I've shown you? - Yes!

All the bras, every single bra. Here's my card.

- This is great. - Pick something out for yourself.

- Thank you. - I don't care. Just...

put it in a Foot Locker bag

and get us out of here.

Oh. This bra comes with a free pair of panties.

We're kind of in a rush to get out of here, so...

It's a free pair of panties. Why don't you want it?

All right, go pick out a pair of panties.

Do I have to?

Son, I said go pick out a pair of panties!

Hey. Huddle up.

If looking like a pervert is what it takes

to get some quality bonding time with my son, then you count me

as the most depraved pervert in this whole damn town.

Thanks, Dad.

Maybe next weekend, you can come

to that art gallery opening with me.

Nah.

Okay.

- Did you get my e-mail? - Mm-hmm.

I'm hoping to revive the tradition of a family cookbook,

and I was gonna ask you for a recipe.

I know you don't cook,

but it could be anything, anything at all, something easy.

Like, I've heard your scrambled eggs are diner quality.

Yeah, they sure are. So is my career in law.

Everything about me, really, is diner quality.

Wonderful. And don't forget the story behind the recipe.

You know, like how you can cook scrambled eggs.

She always twists that knife right at the end.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, who has a family cookbook?

You know how my family shows love?

By fighting over who pays the check at Chinese restaurants.

Well, so then don't put in a recipe.

I mean, you don't have anything to prove.

Yeah, but then there won't be any recipe from us.

I mean, what's Lark gonna think? That her mom can't cook?

I want her to learn that from the garbage I serve her,

not from some book.

Okay, well, then let's just try and look

for a recipe for something that we love, you know?

Oh, like the, uh, the She-Crab soup from Maribella's.

Yeah, but isn't that, like, cheating?

Well, I mean, it's fudging the truth a little bit.

Like that 10K we said we ran.

We bought the shirts to prove that we were there.

That soup is what we had on our first date.

- Yeah. - Right?

So, when Lark reads this recipe in the book,

she'll know that it represents something special to us.

That we were willing to lie

to make her feel a part of something.

Yeah. I'm into it.

Okay. Only problem is, we can't take my parents to Maribella's.

Mm-hmm. I'm into it.

Okay, we're here.

- What's the big surprise? - Oh, you're here!

- I've got a big surprise! - Yeah.

I feel like we've established there's a surprise.

Oh. Well, Jen, I-I was so touched

by the recipe that you sent

- and the story behind it. - Oh.

You know, your "booba" Luba Svanya.

- Bubbe. - Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Bubbe Luba Svanya.

- Yeah, that's it. - You know,

hiding from the Russians

- and the boxes of crabs. - Right.

Boy, she had to have thick skin in more ways than one.

Anyway, I was so eager

to taste the soup that I got a case of crabs.

What?

From a fisherman. In Maryland.

What are you talking about?

I've got crabs!

I'm so excited to learn from you.

How do you make your roux?

Hmm.

Well, uh, obviously, Mom, it-it starts with a pot.

And it starts with a crab.

Ah.

No?

Uh, well, no. A traditional roux,

you thicken the flour