Another Fine Mess

Now, bear in mind, Meadows,

I'm leaving everything in your care.

Be sure that the person who rents my house is reliable.

A person you can trust.

Yes, sir.

- Very good. Well, goodbye. - Goodbye, Colonel.

And don't forget to tell me--

Thank heaven he's gone.

South Africa has my sympathy.

What's the matter?

Say, Kelly, did you see a couple of bozos run this way?

Sure. A couple just went in there. What's wrong?

Trying to make a hotel out of the city park.

They even put a couple of benches together

so that they could have twin beds.

- Oh, yeah? - Yes.

And when I told them to move on,

the little fella tips his hat and said, "Yes, ma'am."

That's what I'm sore about.

He's gone. Come on, let's get out of here.

Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

Yes, ma'am.

Come on, let's reconnoitre.

Shh.

Now, are you sure you have everything?

Oh, certainly, I've got everything.

Would you get a move on before we miss that boat?

- Oh, all right. - Oh, come on, hurry up.

- Get a move on. Get a move on. - All right, coming.

But, listen, do you really think it's safe for us to go away like this

and leave this place until Monday?

Oh, sure. The colonel won't be back for at least six months.

And what's the difference if we rent the house today or next week?

- It's the same. - All right. Go on, go on.

You're always ready to start an argument. Come on, hurry up.

Oh, and you're always blaming me.

Get out here. Come on.

Let's go out the side window.

Close the drapes.

- Well, this must be the place. - It's perfectly ripping.

- It reminds me of old England-mere. - It's just the thing.

Is it the cops?

Who is this Colonel Buckshot? What's he like?

I haven't the slightest idea. I never met the old dear.

Oh, I do hope he rents us the place.

It's somebody to rent the place.

- What'll we do? - "Do"?

Just use your brains.

You put on the butler's clothes and tell them the colonel is not home.

It's simple.

- Yes, but if they don't... - Come on!

Wait. Wait, Ambrose. I think I hear someone coming.

Is this the home of Colonel Wilburforce Buckshot?

Yes, sir.

Well, uh, I understand this place is for rent.

Is it? I mean, it is, yes.

Of course it is.

I am Lord Leopold Plumtree. My card.

Hey.

The colonel isn't home. You'll have--

- You wish to see the colonel? - Why, I'd love to.

Colonel Buckshot!

Oh, Ollie, uh, Colonel Buckshot!

Wait there.

Colonel Buckshot!

What it is, Hives?

Lord Appletree. He wants to rent a room.

No, no, my dear fellow. Plumtree. Plumtree.

Lord Leopold Plumtree.

And I want to rent the entire house.

Show then to the solarium.

I'll be right down.

This way, sir.

Good morning. Many, many, many good mornings.

Have I the pleasure of addressing Colonel Wilburforce Buckshot?

None other. Colonel Buckshot at your service.

I'm Lord Leopold Plumtree.

- Delighted. - My wife.

Charmed.

My wife and I have just returned from our honeymoon.

The hotel being full, my dear little wife suggested

that we rent a furnished home.

- You understand. - Yes, yes, yes.

So we should like to take possession immediately.

Nothing would give me greater pleasure.

Oh, besides the butler, you have maid service?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

I'd like to see the maid, please.

Just a moment.

Oh, Hives, will you call Agnes?

- Who? - Call Agnes.

Oh, Agnes!

Pardon me just a moment.

Shh.

What'd you wanna tell them the colonel was home for?

I couldn't help it.

You got me into this mess and need to get me out of it!

- What do you mean? - Go put the maid's clothes on

- and we'll get rid of them! - I'm not going to put--

What a lovely piano.

- It is beautiful, isn't it? - Do you play, Colonel?

Well, uh, yes and no.

Oh, do wrangle us a selection.

Well, I'll try.

Oh, I say! I say!

I beg your pardon, Lord Figtree.

Plumtree. Plumtree. Lord Leopold Plumtree.

My card.

Oh! A thousand pardons. My mistake.

Pardon me. It must be the postman.

What do I do with these?

Put them on. You wear them.

Oh, do you play anything else, Colonel?

Oh, yes. I'm very efficient at croquet,

Parcheesi and billiards.

Oh!

- You have a billiard room? - Oh, sure, sure.

I should love to see it.

Quite certainly.

If you just follow me.

- Pardon me, my dear. - All right, darling.

- Agnes will be right down. - Thanks, Colonel.

Come.

The billiard room...

Um, right upstairs.

Now, right this way.

There's a beautiful, old masterpiece.

What is the title of that piece of art?

- Physic at the Well. - Oh, I see.

- The billiard room. - Oh, yes, the billiard room.

Uh, that chair is an old heirloom.

There's a picture I must show you.

Uh, that's a gondola going through the Panama Canal.

In Venice.

Now to the billiard room.

- The billiard room. - Yes.

Agnes, meet your new master, Lord Flagpole Crabtree.

Plumtree. Plumtree. Lord Leopold Plumtree.

- My card. - That's right.

Pardon me, are you of any relation to the butler?

Oh, yes, yes, they're twins.

You see, one was born in Detroit, the other in Mee-a-mee.

I don't quite understand.

Oh, that's all right. Neither do they.

- Agnes, you may go. - Yes, sir.

Oh, Agnes, when you see my wife, give her my regards.

Yes, sir.

Let's go to the billiard room.

Oh, Agnes.

So you're Agnes?

Yes, ma'am.

My, what a striking resemblance between you and the butler.

Yes, ma'am. You see, I'm twins.

How remarkable.

I'd like to find out a few details regarding the house.

- Yes, ma'am. - Tell me, Agnes,

- how long have you been here? - About a half an hour.

Uh, oh...

How silly of me.

I'm so nervous. I mean, a half a year.