Superstore

Attention shoppers.

It's Valentine's Day, and love is in the air,

along with dust, pet dander, and toxic mold spores,

so pick up a Supercloud air purifier and convince yourself

it's making a difference,

which it's not, 'cause it's just a fan.

- Excuse me, everyone. - Dude.

You know what? I don't care.

Two Aprils ago, I was new here,

and someone special came over to help me on register.

And, Lisa, you didn't just bag groceries.

You bagged my heart.

Ooh, this is a bad idea.

Lisa Beth-Ann Donatella Lopez-Fitzgerald,

if you'll make me the luckiest man in St. Louis,

I'll show you the time of your life.

["(I've Had) The Time Of My Life" By Mickey & Sylvia Plays]

This makes me genuinely sad.

Flash mob proposals are so lame.

Except for the one that Bo did for you.

- That was unique and very cool. - Yeah.

Yeah, but flash mobs stopped being cool, like, a year ago.

Yeah, they were cool one year ago.

Where's Lisa? We need Lisa.

Where the is Lisa?

She's in the bathroom.

Is it a quick bathroom break or more

of a hunker-down-watch- YouTube-videos situation?

Hard to say. Her body language going in...

oh, wait, here...

Go back. Go back. Places, places.

- Oh, God. Not again. - Oh, wow.

Take two, dude.

Front of store on the left.

- Amy, Amy. - Yeah.

Tell me, do you think that Brett and Brittany

would be good together?

I mean, it feels like there's chemistry there,

but it might just be the alliteration.

- What, like, together-together? - Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. Why?

'Cause I hired Miles and Lisa, and now they're in love.

You know, so I thought maybe there's some other sad singles

who'd like to get bitten by Cupid.

An arrow. I think Cupid has an arrow.

And he bites.

And I don't think that it's a good idea to go

setting people up around work.

Are you down on love because of your bad marriage?

No, I just don't think people come here to find love.

It's like Christian Mingle, but for everyone.

Oh! That is such a good idea.

Mm-hmm.

I'm sure it's her.

Well, there's definite similarities.

Slightly different BMIs, but she could be on

one of those crash diets.

So what do we do next? Do we... do we call the cops?

Do we bust her ourselves?

Easy, Cagney.

We have to catch her in the act.

Now, I'd have my plainclothes guy tail her,

but Tuesday's his day off.

Ah, I wonder what he wears on his day off.

Fancy clothes probably.

I could do it.

I've always wanted to go undercover.

You?

Okay, yeah, you're way underqualified.

What do you need to be qualified?

You need to watch a video.

I could watch a video.

You could watch a video.

You guys, look what Jeff just sent me.

"My precious treasure,

words cannot express my love for you.

And I love seeing you naked, because it's really good.

Love, Mr. Man."

Wow, Jeff sent you those.

Mm-hmm.

That's, like, a hundred-dollar bouquet.

Yeah, or, like, 140.

Seems so weird he'd send you a gift at work when your

relationship is supposed to be secret.

I guess he really loves me, huh?

- Yeah. - Hey, Heather.

Look what Jeff just sent me.

Oh, we need more tissue paper.

What's wrong with him?

Well, it's because of a reason that I... I can't tell you.

Hmm, I actually don't care, so...

Mateo's the one dating Jeff, okay?

And Sandra is just making it up to get attention.

So Sandra has a fake boyfriend,

she sent herself flowers, and Mateo is dating Jeff?

Yeah.

This a quality Tuesday.

- - Oh!

Hello.

Welcome to Cloud 9.

And you must be the little princess we've been expecting.

Right this way, Your Highness.

M...

Hey, Arthur, I might be totally off base here,

but do you have a crush on Myrtle?

Oh, no. I...

well, maybe just a little crush.

Oh, that's so sweet.

I like to imagine the two of us together someday

- feeding the ducks... - Ohh.

Watching the ducks.

It doesn't have to be ducks.

No. It can be ducks.

You're doing great.

Good, good, good.

Just keep thinking, "Customer, customer."

I'm shopping as a customer."

- Okay, okay, thank you. - All right.

Hey, Jonah.

Do you think Elias and Pauline would be good together,

or am I just projecting Laurel and Hardy?

I think you have me confused with someone else.

Oh, wow. I'm... I'm so sorry.

I... you look exactly like someone who works here.

I'm so sorry.

Wow, it's uncanny.

And Bo's parents are out of town,

so everyone's just gonna get waa-sted.

What about you? Any hot Valentine's Day plans?

No, probably sit in the park, feed the ducks.

Ohh, that's so old person.

You can come if you want, but it's bring your own nitrous.

Hey, Myrtle, do you date anymore?

No, but if you know someone nice,

set me up.

He doesn't even have to be white.

Arthur, we're switching things up a bit today.

I'm gonna have you tackle Womenswear with Myrtle,

and Cheyenne here is gonna take your post.

You want me to be a greeter?

I'm not trained in that.

You'll be fine. I believe in you.

Hello. Welcome to Cloud 9.

Ooh, yeah, I nailed that.

Come on, you two. Talk to each other.

It's not like either one of you have that much time left.

Hey. Oh, what is Arthur doing in Womenswear?

He's confused again.

- I'll go fix it. - No, no.

No, Glenn, I put him there.

Why?

You know, just to mix things up,

give people an opportunity to work with other people and...

Oh, I see.

It's wrong when I try to do matchmaking,

but you get to whip out the fangs, huh?

- What fangs? - Cupid's fangs.

Glenn, again, an arrow. Never mind.

Look, this is different.

They're really perfect for each other.

They are. They're both old.

Yeah, and there's, like, this whole duck thing,

but mostly they're old.

Why aren't they talking to each other?

I don't know. He's really shy.

It's like they need a bigger push.

Yeah. Oh, hey, you see that guy?

You think that's Jonah, right?

It's not.

This is so embarrassing.

I always tell him, "Jeff, you're gift enough for me,"

but he won't listen.

I'm not much of a romantic, but this is special stuff.

Whatever.

Do you know how many babies choke on balloons and die every year?

I don't know, but it seems like a few would.

I'm just happy for Sandra.

I mean, can you imagine what it's like to have what she has?

I mean, just to have a connection like that with someone.

I bet Jeff just loves it.

30. 30 babies die.

- Oh! - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Ah, are you okay?

Oh, yeah, no, happens all the time.

Someone flies a drone into my head.

Are you sure? 'Cause I can give you a ride to the hospital.

No way. I've seen how you drive.

Well, I... I mean, I'm better with the... the four wheels.

Yeah, I'd hope so.

This is why people hate Valentine's Day,

you know, drone strikes.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

Oh, welcome to Cloud 9.

Welcome to Cloud 9.

Cloud 9 welcomes you.