Just Getting Started

Welcome to the Villa Capri.

Located in the heart of the desert

is the resort community that takes you to paradise.

You've worked hard all of your life,

and now...

No!

That son of a bitch

is in Palm Springs.

He's basking in the sun and playing golf.

While my husband is drinking toilet wine in supermax!

Now the only thing that I want from you for Christmas

is that rat's head in a box!

And make it look like it's an accident.

- Hi, Duke. - Hey.

- Hi. - Thank you.

Santa!

Oh! You're very generous, Duke.

Could I get you to sign this receipt for me?

Sure thing. You just bought your way off

- the naughty list. - Pleasure.

- Hey boss! - Great job, guys. Very festive.

- Excuse me. This is Mr. Diver's spot. - Perfect!

Mr. Diver make you wear those clothes?

Shine it up for me, Elf.

- Nice tree. - Who is that in my parking spot?

Oh, that's a new resident, Leo McKay.

Yeah, he just checked in last night and he's actually very...

He's got a ten-gallon hat on a five-gallon head.

Paid all cash.

Cash?

Well...

Let's invite him to my private poker game.

You got it.

I'll show him who's boss.

- In the nicest way. - Of course.

- It's crooked. - Hm?

- And there's a bald spot. - So what? A lot of trees have flaws.

A lot of people have flaws.

You can put the bad side of a tree against the wall.

What do you do with the bad side of people?

- That's deep. - Write it down.

Greetings, my darling.

Be a dear and get 5,000 out of petty cash for me.

Not a problem.

Got some stuff for you to sign here, sir.

Did you know that the builders of the great cathedrals of Europe

would leave a small flaw in the stone somewhere

just to acknowledge that only God is perfect?

Where do you learn all this stuff?

College of life, my boy.

Well, we've got the gardener's Christmas bonus,

the extra security cameras for your villa,

the bonus you asked me to pay out to the entire staff,

live animals for the nativity scene. The camels were a little expensive.

You can't a nativity without camels.

The Wise Men came from the East.

Got to give them respect.

Oh, and we have a letter from the Rotary Club

confirming your acceptance

- of Man of the Year Honors... - I can't accept. Can't accept.

I'm uncomfortable in the limelight.

You seem comfortable in the limelight.

My golf clubs! Oh, perfect, perfect!

So, I had them close the face on the driver by a degree and a half.

You've been slicing a little recently. Should take care of it.

Good, good, good.

I think I'll just run on out to the range and let the big dogs eat.

Oh, Duke!

Hm?

- Five thou. Mm-hm. - Thank you, my darlin'.

Duke, you checkin' me out?

Every delicious inch.

That's a nice tree you got this year.

Well, thank you,

but I'm a little concerned that some of the residents

might not like a flocked tree.

Well, you know me, Duke.

I like a nice flockin' from time to time.

A bit of Henkell's Trocken for my darlin'?

Whatever.

It's a little before my bedtime, but...

Aw, it's always your bedtime, Duke.

But darlin', you know a man's nature is a man's...

Hey, why don't I go and enhance the fireplace in the boudoir.

Would you like that?

- Yeah, I would. - Okay!

Hope you don't mind. I let myself in.

Pour moi?

Uh... of course!

What is the color of that silk against your skin?

There's a painting by Caravaggio. You could have been...

It's plum.

And you're my plum.

Oh!

Listen, darling, I... I'm just gonna go and... lock up, turn out all the lights,

and come back and submit to your every whim.

My every whim.

Oh... Hurry back.

Uh... Marguerite darlin', I... I think the...

Zoloft and the Lipitor are kicking in a little early on me.

I... I feel woozy.

- Hold on a minute. - What?

Have you got another woman in there?

Oh, Marguerite... you hurt me with your accusation.

You twist the knife. The wound bleeds.

You... you get such pleasure out... out of my discomfort.

- I... I just don't... - Hold on a second, mister.

You didn't answer my question.

Darling, trust me...

I speak from the heart when I say...

Yes, there's a woman in the bedroom.

All right. Well...

I know I'm not your one and only, and we've got a grown-up relationship.

- Yes. - So, I'll...

Well, I'll just say good night.

- I'm fine. - N... no! Let me, let me...

- let me walk you to your door, okay? - Mm-hm.

In your own way, Duke, you are strangely chivalrous.

Merci beaucoup.

Still a cat, of course, but you got rules.

Aw, I consider myself a gentleman.

And so, "Good night. Good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

I shall say good night till it be 'morrow."

Can I quote you on that?

Well, you be my guest, Romeo.

Actually, I'm... I'm surprised you even considered a little romance tonight

given the circumstances.

Circumstances?

Well, this is your poker night.

Ciao.

Uh... poker?

Poker!

I got the feeling that the Duke

needed a little... Roberta.

Uh, yes.

The Duke... the Duke always needs a little Roberta.

Well, from the way you just said it, it sounds like a "not tonight".

Well, I have a meeting that requires urgent attention, darling.

- At night? - It's morning in China.

Uh, well, good night, good night, darling. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

"A horse, a horse. My kingdom for a horse."

Mm-hm.

So, a guy comes home from the doctor's.

He tells his wife, "Honey, I got terrible news."

Terrible news.

"Doctor says, I only got 12 hours to live."

- Uh-huh. - Wife says, "Oh dear, that's terrible.

That's terrible. I'll do anything for you. Whatever you want."

And he says, "I want to have wild sex with you all night long."

And she looks at him and says,

"Easy for you to say. You don't have to get up in the morning."

That's funny! That's very funny!

All right. Who's betting? Who's betting? Who's betting?

It's me, and I'm goin' in for big money. 'cause I wanna take everything you got.

I'll see your 100 and raise you two.

That' a 100 bucks!

I'll see you, I'll see you.

I heard this is where the action's at.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Leo McKay. I'm moving into um...

Villa 71. Welcome, neighbor.

Hi.

I'm Duke Diver, resident manager of this little corner of paradise.

- These are my cronies. - Duke's a legend.

Legends ain't what they used to be, are they?

Yeah, but you don't know Duke.

He's a resident champion of everything around here.

Guys, you're embarrassing me.

I'm just a country boy tryin' to fade into the sunset

with smile on my face.

Ain't we all?

But I gotta warn you, cousin, we play for real money here.

Well, I'll try to keep up.

- Oh. - Holy shit... That's a wad, man!

Shit just got real up in here!

That's my alimony, I can't, man, this is two months...

Okay.

Now, where you from, Leo?

I'm a citizen of the world. Mogadishu, Jakarta, Kabul.

All the vacation spots.

- Military? - No. Ex-military.

Currently entrepreneur.

International trade. I buy stuff, sell stuff.

Like?

Gas, guns, oil, trains, trucks. Big stuff. I like big stuff.

And a man of mystery.

How about we play some cards?

What's your game, cousin?

You like Five Card Draw, Stud, Omaha, Texas Hold 'Em?

Texas will do.

Deal 'em, Joey.

And a five and a ten, ten.