The Middle

Hey! Wait! Somebody!

yep, that's me,

Trapped in an office supply store at 4:00 in the morning.

How'd I end up here?

Well, how does anyone end up where they don't want to be?

Either drugs or kids. How do I look? I can take it.

I need some constructive criticism.

Tryouts are Thursday. You know what would really impress the judges?

If you lit the ends on fire, like they do in hawaii. This is a serious sport, axl.

They don't just let anyone wear the white patent leather boots.

oh, man. That would have been so much cooler on fire.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought you were babysitting

For the craigs Thursday night. I'm gonna have to cancel.

Are you sure that's a good idea, honey? I-I'm just saying,

We don't know what's gonna happen with majorettes,

But if you go to babysitting,

At least you know you'll have $6. Mom, with the swine flu outbreak,

I have a real shot this year. A lot of good people are down.

brick? Uh, oh, that's right.

It's hat day next week. Good job staying ahead of schedule.

That's definitely a crazy hat.

It's hat day next week? Oh, no. I need a hat.

Uh, brick? This isn't for hat day. That would be embarrassing.

I just want people to pay attention to me at breakfast.

Yesterday none of you said a single word to me. Axl, you're coming straight home after school

To work on your aztec report, right? god, chill. I'm on it.

Oh, are you?

"12 to 15 pages double-spaced,

"no fewer than six color charts or graphs

Bound in an oxford ready-clip, clear-front report cover."

Listen, mr. Gottlieb is tough.

He's not gonna pass you just so you can play basketball.

Yeah, I know. Parents really need to talk to him.

He's got no school spirit. Axl, this is 40% of your grade.

You do get that's almost half, right?

The paper's not even due for, like, a week.

God, you treat me like a little kid. I'm practically an adult. In what way?

You don't make your own food, you don't buy your own clothes,

You don't even remember to flush the toilet unless I remind you. I'm almost old enoh to go to war.

Not if we want to win, you're not. Dad, how do you live with her?

I live with her by doing what she says. You will do the same.

Oh! You are so annoying. You live to make me miserable.

Maybe we should call that one a write-off

And just work on the others.

So guess what? Hmm?

Charlotte and I are having our 3-week anniversary.

Oh! Really? Yeah. Wanna see a picture of her?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So are you two getting serious?

Well, if by "serious" you mean madly in love,

I'd have to say,uilty!

Yay! Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, here's another one.

Uh, I can't show you that one. It's private. Okay.

Oh, here's a good one. I'll forward it to your phone. Oh, no, my phone costs, like, a dollar.

It doesn't do any of that stuff. Oh, sure it does.

see?

Oh, my god. I had no idea.

Oh, you sent me the wrong one.

Oh! Yeah. Okay. And it takes pictures. Smile.

and movies.

No way. Yeah, you can make your own movies.

You can put faces on thimbles and act our your entire prom,

The way it should have gone. It's very cathartic...

I hear.

axl...

Why is your textbook in the exact same position

It was in this morning? It hasn't moved.

Honk. There. It's moved. Happy?

Hey, you watch your tone, mister.

What tone? You're always imagining this tone. Ugh!

God, why do you have to ride me all the time?

And then I got an idea,

A brilliant, glorious idea--

I would film my kids and show them what they sounded like.

...Until you achieve total mind control?

Honey, can you please not twirl in the house?

Well, where am I supposed to do it?

It's too cold outside, and my fingers freeze up,

And if I can't practice, then I won't make the team,

And it will be all your fault!

Brick, your dad's going to the mall.

You want to go with him to look for a hat?

Brick?

Any response would be nice.

And once I started, I couldn't stop.

This thing was power. god, I hear you!

"do your paper.

Have you done your paper?" I will!

I did! I am!

Ugh! Oh!

Ugh!

After several days of collecting evidence... Okay.

It was showtime. I wasn't just doing this for myself.

I was doing it for moms through the ages who'd had enough.

Hey, honey. Hey, mike.

Oh, hey, bob. Bob was just helping me set up

That thing I told you about that I want to show the kids. Oh. How long is that gonna take?

I had long ago accepted that mike and bob

Weren't gonna ever be friends.

It's not that mike didn't like bob, it's just...

Yeah, he just didn't like him.

So, michael michael bo-bikel. (chuckles)

How goeth the job search?

A little slow. That's why I like to come home and relax.

Hey, I'm an idiot.

Why didn't I think of this?

The guy riding shotgun on my night shift,.

Delivering little betty snack cakes, just quit.

If you're interested, I can put your name in.

It's uh, union pay, easy gig.

I don't know, bob. I don't want to put you out.

Union pay. Easy gig.

Mike.

Sounds great.

Riding with you, huh?

Yeah. Kids, can you come in here?

Come on, everybody. Come on in. S-sit down.

Everybody, sit down.

Okay, we are gonna watch some educational television.

Now there's been some bad behavior going on,

And I think it's about time I brought it to your attention.

And I must warn you, what you are about to see is not pretty.

Seriously, when did u hatch this plan to ruin my life?

Hey, you recorded me? ...Is to make me some sort of mindless zombie here.

yeah. Yeah, o-obviously I-I don't have

To destroy your life, axl,

'cause you're doing a pretty damn good job of it yourself. Ugh!

mom? Hey, time is passing, axl!

Okay. Wait. Hold on. That's the wrong spot. I went to school! I did my homework!

Why do I have to do your homework?!

Okay, there we go. ...I won't make it, and it will be all your fault!

Not so pretty, sue, is it? My fault? Why is everything my fault, huh?!

I suppose it'll be my fault, too, if you forget to call

Mrs. Craig and tell her you can't sit on Thursday.

Am I talking for my own health here?!

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's wrong.

I have had it with you. All you have to do around here

Is flush the toilet and do your homework.

Do you have any idea how lucky you are? Do you? Do you?!

Someday I'll be dead, and you'll wish

You could hear my voice!

This is the last time I'm telling you!

I'm not telling you again!

I will not say this one more time!

So... Let that be a lesson to you.

It's not my fault.

The kids don't listen to me unless I yell at them.

I'm tired, and they push me. Mike, you see how they push me.

They do. They're horrible, horrible, horrible children.

This is not who I wanted to be.

Well, it's too late now.

Night, honey.

I'm gonna change.

Oh, no.

No, don't change.

I am. I'm gonna quit yelling.

Mm. What, you don't think I can?

I think it's gonna be like when you quit sugar.

One day later I find you on the bathroom floor,

Sucking frosting out of the tube. I don't want my kids growing up and saying to some shrink,

"yeah, all my mom ever did my whole life was yell at me."

They're not gonna be able to afford a shrink.

Okay, guys.

I've decided I don't like the way I sound on the tape.

It seems like once in a while I raise my voice.

Once in a while you don't raise your voice.

Okay, the point is, we've gotten into a bad pattern--

I nag, you don't listen, and I end up yelling.

So from now on,

I will calmly ask you to do something once,

Then you'll show me you can listen,

And I'll show you I don't need to yell.

So you're gonna stop nagging?

I will start trusting that you can do the things I ask you to.

What do we get if you do yell? It doesn't work that way.

We should get something. That's not what this is about.

How about a tootsie roll? Oh, I like waffles.

That's stupid. We should get money. Okay, this is not some kind of contest for prizes.

This is about us becoming the kind of family

Where the mother doesn't have to yell!

Starting now.

I trt them, then they'll feel respected... Mm-hmm.

And then respect me, in turn, by doing what they're told.

It's like a trust circle. Right.

Actually a trust-respect circle. Or is that an oval?

I don't know. This is kind of a whole new concept,

So we're still trying to figure out the shape. Yeah.

Oh. That'll be my special lady. Oh.

No, wait. It's my boss at little betty.

He's willing to hire mike to drive the late shift wi me.

Oh! That's great! Oh, my gosh.

Mike will be so excited. Oh!

Why don't you tell him?

Hey.

Hey, axl. It's bob.

axl's home? He's supposed to be at the library.

Ask him if he's working on his aztec paper.

So...

Whatcha doing there... Buddy?

Nothin'. Just hanging out.

Is he watching tv?