Sex: A Bonkers History

Warning. This series will take you

on a journey through our sexual history.

So, expect nudity, occasional swearing and...

well, lots of sex.

Sex, the great common denominator that unites us.

People have always had it. Many of us very much enjoy it.

But how far do we really understand it?

We've been obsessed with everything sexual since civilisation began.

Oscar Wilde wrote that everything in human life

is really all about sex, except for sex itself.

Sex is about power.

I think that might tell us more about him than the rest of us.

Henry the eighth certainly knew what sex was all about.

Almost as old as sex itself, is the battle to control it.

The push and pull between those who want to have as much sex as possible

and those who want to regulate and decide what is

and isn't permissible.

Room service!

Forget the prim and proper Georgians you think you know.

Behind closed doors, anything went.

The Victorians wrote the book on S&M

whilst being publicly prudish and preachy.

We are the only species on the planet that's outlawed,

stigmatised and punished sexual desire.

Luckily the swinging sixties changed all of that.

In this series, I'm on a mission to learn exactly

what our ancestors have been getting up to down the years,

and why, in some eras, they came up against such determined opposition.

Such a load of spoil sports in history, it turns out.

In this series, I and eminent historian, Dan Jones,

are pulling back the cover on five periods of history.

From the weird and the wacky.

- Are you ready for the big bang? You liked it earlier.

Yeah, I love a bang. Ew oh!

To the sultry and sexy,

and everything in between.

- (bang) - Ah, Jesus Christ!

So, sit back and enjoy the show.

OK, I'm ready.

This is going to be quite a ride.

Hello, Dan!

Welcome to our interactive sex history studio.

Um, I've got to admit it's looking a little bit bare at the moment.

Perhaps you can help us out and tell us what we're up to in this episode.

- Well in this episode we're in the ancient world.

So, we're going to meet the Greeks...

- OK. - ..the Egyptians...

- Fabulous. - ..3rd Century India...

- Obvs. - And of course, the sex mad Romans.

Oh! (laughs)

OK, so I like this. So, you're the historian here,

you're the one who actually knows what he's doing,

so, what do I need to know before we get started?

- Well, the thing that all of these ancient civilisations had in common

was they didn't just love sex, they were proud of it.

Sex was a part of everyday life that was there to be celebrated.

- Well, I'm down for that, I agree with it. Let's get started.

Our first stop in the ancient world takes us back to Sparta in Greece,

where ideas about sex and what was seductive

seems a far cry from our modern tastes.

It was a place where men and women were, well,

they were there for one thing and one thing only.

Can you guess what it is?

Girls prepare to feel the pain.

So, have they sent me to Olympia

or perhaps the Acropolis, Athens?

No. I'm in Crystal Palace Athletics Club

to meet historian, Michael Scott.

I have to say, bearing in mind what we're here to talk about,

this doesn't feel very sexy to me. An athletics' ground.

- Well, all will be revealed in good time.

But first off, we've got a chance to have a chat about

probably the most kickass women of the ancient world, Spartan women.

But Spartan women, they were physically fit.

And that is a really different kind of lifestyle

than any other woman in the ancient world.

In Spartan society, Spartan men, right,

Gerard Butler in 300. - Oh, right yes.

- The guy with the six pack and the leather nappy-

- I remember things about that film I probably shouldn't.

- Yeah, what do they do? They go to war,

and they spend all their time training to be great soldiers.

Women are spending equal amounts of time training

to fulfil their key role in Spartan society,

which, for Spartans,

was to produce great children.

The compliment you would want to be given

if you were a Spartan woman, right?

You had a fresh face, you were slender,

and you were strong enough to strangle a bull.

- (bull whine) - A bull? Specifically?

- That's what you're aiming for. - OK, bull strangler.

- Bull strangling. I don't know how you feel...

- I'm a vegetarian, so I wouldn't like to do that.

And was their thinking then that the stronger the women,

the stronger the children? - Exactly.

If you are physically fit, if you're strong enough to strangle a bull,

you're going to produce a strong child.

- I still want to know what I'm doing here.

I mean, this is setting an atmosphere.

Obviously, they wouldn't have been in a place like this.

Why have you got me here?

Well, we thought you might want to- - (giggles)

Just you know, get a sense- - Try a bit of wrestling?

..of what it was like to be a Spartan woman.

(laughs)

- But we might need you to get changed first.

- Now, I've never been a fan of trackie bottoms,

this is much more like it.

Unlike most Greek women who wore heavy concealed clothing

and were rarely seen out of the house,

Spartan women wore dresses with splits at the side,

and were allowed to move freely around the city.

Amanda, you look great!

This is not sweaty betty.

- Helen of Sparta, eat your heart out.

- I bet she wasn't doing it in the dead of winter in Crystal Palace.

- No, in Greece it would've been a little bit warmer.

So, we will get you on the road very, very shortly.

You'll meet your personal trainer. Emily'll put you through

some ancient Spartan exercise routines. Good luck!

- Thank you - Have an amazing time!

Helping Amanda with the ancient Spartan disciplines

of javelin, discus and wrestling

is British weightlifter, Emily Campbell.

The only British woman to have won a medal in the sport,

taking home silver at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.

- You sound like a Spartan woman. - (laughs) Yes.

You sound like you could have lived your best life back then, I reckon.

Absolutely.

- But this is the kind of get up you have to be put in.

- I mean, the outfit is cute, but I'm not sure how practical it is.

- It would look better with a heel. - I think so. Yeah.

(laughter)

OK. What should we start with?

- I think we'll start with the javelin.

Ancient Greece was made up of over a thousand city states,

with the top dogs being Athens and Sparta.

Sparta was a completely militaristic society

where all citizens, regardless of gender,

were expected to be military fit.

Women were treated equally to men from birth

and were encouraged to exercise to produce a next generation

of fit and healthy soldiers.

- Good! And she even got a stick in as well!

Get in!

And to this end, unlike the rest of Greece,

where girls were married at 13 or 14

and were expected to start producing babies,

Spartan laws forbade marriage until late teens

as there would be fewer complications during childbirth.

You made it look so easy.

- Oh, I don't know about that. - And you pointed your toes.

- You were like a little ballerina going across there

So, this is obviously like a tiny part of the training

for Spartan women. Their training for marriage.

What would the discus have been, to knock out a husband or...

- I was about to say, yeah, maybe she'll throw a plate at him

after their married, if they wind them up, I don't know.

(laughs)

Throwing a plate sounds about right.

Marriage in Sparta was exclusively for procreation.

True love only existed between two men.

Spartan men typically lived with other men in the army barracks

which they would have joined at the age of just seven.

Around ten, they would be entrusted to an older male

and would enter into, what would today be considered,

a paedophilic relationship.

Back then it would have been completely normal.

- So, the thing that we're left with now...

is the wrestling.

In ancient Sparta, men and women would have wrestled naked.

But it's a little bit too cold in Crystal Palace for me today.

- So, I'll let you wrestle me. So, they used to come in, like,

but they used to tuck their head like down in here.

Right, well, Emily weighs in at 112 kilograms

and can easily lift over 90

so I don't think this is going to go well for me today.

OK. I'll just make it easy for you. - (laughs)

- Submitted! - Done!

(laughter)

- Right, let's go and have a cup of tea.

Do you take milk? - Yes, please, hun.

Bearing and raising strong children was crucial

to the success of this warrior race.

Which is why women were considered the equal of men

in Spartan society.

- I mean, all this fuss about the Spartans creating the best army,

I think they've definitely forgotten that sex can actually be fun

and a calorie burner.

I know which workout I prefer.

So, Dan, it turns out that ancient Spartan men

were only interested in sex with women for procreation

and that is a little bit boring if you're a woman.

- I agree. I agree. So, next you're off to a society

that was the complete opposite.

You're going to Ancient India

to delve into the origins of the Kama Sutra.

- Before that, Dan is going to be making and testing

spermicides in Ancient Egypt.