Around the World in 80 Days

I'm going to circumnavigate the globe in 80 days.

Someone will achieve this.

Well, it won't be you.

It will, actually.

You have yourself a wager, sir.

Has something happened, Fogg?

Nothing's happened. Not for years.

I'll start today. Phineas!

Phineas, you can't go on your own!

Well, I won't be on my own.

Passepartout, monsieur, at your service.

Miss Fortiscue? Miss Fix, actually.

I'm here to cover your progress for the Daily Telegraph. What? No.

Next stop, Paris.

My insane brother and his friends are going to assassinate

the president of France.

Liberte! Gerard!

Whoever gave you this saved your life, monsieur.

We must leave Paris. Do you know this place?

Why? Just trust me!

TRANSLATION FROM ITALIAN

Papa!

PASSENGERS CHUCKLE

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

This really is the only way to travel!

BRANCHES SNAP

We could have all died! But we didn't.

How was I to know which way was up and which was down?

It said so on the lever!

What sort of man marks the dials in French?

A Frenchman!

According to my calculations, we won't be here long.

WATCH TICKS

Please, Mr Fogg, just a few words.

Firstly, what makes you think you are capable

of going around the world in a mere 80 days?

Ah, well...

Improvements in speed and reliability of trains and boats,

that should make an enormous difference.

I was hoping for a little more colour.

Did you travel a lot as a boy?

Is that where you got your travel bug?

Technological innovation and new forms of travel.

Erm...

Did you know, for instance, Mr Lome's balloon just navigated

the Alps faster than any train could have done?

The crashed balloon that is lying in the field?

Mr Fogg, what makes you think YOU are capable

of going around the world in a mere 80 days?

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on...

Who has inspired you?

Alexander the Great? Richard the Lionheart?

What qualities would you say define you and will drive you on?

Answer the questions. Make her stop.

Courage? Square-jawed determination? Love of Queen and country?

Oh, enough questions, please, Miss Fix!

I'll stop asking them when you stop being so evasive.

I'm not being...evasive.

PASSENGERS LAUGH

I was right!

Bless the Italians! For what?

For the three o'clock to Brindisi... bang on time!

Hello!

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

Stop!

Stop there! Halt!

Halt! Desist!

BRAKES SQUEAL

Excellent!

He's done that?

Seems a ridiculous expense to go to, don't you think?

He'll be home by the weekend, with his tail between his legs.

Well, let's hope so.

For your sake.

Seriously...

..there's not a snowball's hope in hell of making it

around the world in 80 days.

Uh, probably not. But, uh...

..he has Abigail at his side.

She's a force of nature, so who knows?

Do we stop anywhere?

Straight through to Brindisi.

Splendid. We can catch a steamer from there to the Suez Canal.

Great. Your compartment, Mr Fogg.

Ah, excellent. Thank you.

And yours, Miss Fix.

Thank you.

Oh.

You couldn't rustle up some hot water and soap, could you?

I haven't washed since London.

Certo.

Third class is at the very rear of the train.

A few of us are playing cards tonight in the guard's van,

behind the engine. You're welcome to join us.

Not for me.

Ah, shame.

I heard a Frenchman and his money are easily parted.

Mr Fogg, Miss Fix,

would you like to meet your fellow travellers?

Certainly. Of course.

Please.

CHICKENS SQUAWK

Anyone know any good songs?

This is Mr Fogg, pilot and adventurer.

Flew all the way from Paris under a bag of air.

And this is his companion, Miss Fix.

Uh, journalist, actually. Si.

This is Signor Fazi. Welcome, Mr Fogg.

Pleasure.

My wife, Eva. Mr Fogg.

Did you really fly to Italy in that contraption?

Such valour and skill.

Oh, well, you're... you're far too kind, signora.

Just a man going about his business.

Valour and skill.

Write that down, Miss Fix.

Journalist. Not note taker. Oh.

And soap, if you could be so kind, and towels.

Certo, signorina.

Sorry, we must both smell like August in Smithfield Market.

Must we keep mentioning body odour in company?

Ahem!

Now, who might this fine fellow be?

This is my son, Alberto.

Alberto!

Pleasure to meet you, Alberto. Nice to meet you.

This is Signor Niccolo Moretti.

HE WINCES

Pleasure.

BREAD CRUNCHES

HE GROANS

From Piedmont.

HE SNIFFS

Olive oil, garlic...

..and chopped anchovies?

Si. Si.

Something else.

Truffle!

TRANSLATION FROM ITALIAN

No.

Mmm!

PASSENGERS LAUGH

Mmm!

It's absolutely incredible, Mr Fogg.

You really think you can cross the entire globe in just 80 days?

Certainly, madame.

Or die trying.

What it must be to be a great adventurer.

It is your nation's greatest gift to the world. Oh.

Glad to see you brought your full dress suit with you, Fogg.

Well, a chap likes to maintain standards.

At least you'll be properly dressed

when they're boiling your head in Borneo.

What made you want to take on this challenge, Mr Fogg?

I've been asking him that since we left London.

What's your answer, Mr Fogg?

Well, I've long thought it possible that something like this

could be achieved. And, yet, funnily enough,

you didn't move from your chair in the Reform Club

until you read a rather brilliant article...by me.

Yes, it's certainly true that...that Miss Fix gave me the nudge I needed.

You have travelled extensively, Mr Fogg?

Ah, I wouldn't say extensively, exactly, erm...

Ah... Well, I understand that some of you are going on to Pompeii?

Now, if I were not in such a hurry myself, I should...

Where HAVE you been, Fogg?

My business has taken me all over Europe, the Far East, America.

Nothing compared with you, I imagine.

Uh...Edinburgh.

Edinburgh?

For a wedding.

Where else?

Paris.

You've just come from Paris, you told us that.

He didn't just GO to Paris.

He actually stopped an assassination attempt on the President of France.

This cannot be true?

I was just in the right place at the right time.

Edinburgh, Paris. Where else?

Italy.

You have my sympathies, Miss Fix!

Travelling around the world with a great adventurer -

a man who once went to Edinburgh!

Chin-chin. HE CHUCKLES

Does your wife mind you gallivanting all around the world, Mr Fogg?

Alas, there is no Mrs Fogg.

Oh.

You've never found the right woman, or...?

No. Well...

Long time ago.

You used to come to our house for Sunday lunch

and you never talked about women. A woman.

And you, Miss Fix, you have a fiance?

Good grief, no!

I need a man like a fish needs a penny farthing.

Where's your wife, Mr Moretti?

In a coffin in Pisa.

I am so sorry.

As am I.

My deepest sympathies to both of you.