The God Inside My Ear

My dear, sweet Elizia.

I've loved you these many, many years.

But I found something new, something greater than love.

Who is she?

There is no she, just an--

it, an-- it, a thing, a

deepness

that can only invade a soul and initiate a longing that fills the entire earth,

up on earth to treasure deeper than gold,

purpose farther than the Sun, a beautiful masterpiece inside of me.

The local wizards have opened my inner cornea

and unveiled my inner ear drum.

Local wizards?

Yeah, Alistair Newman say that I have radioed into the new world,

the prime universe

and they've protected me from the Lizard people.

Lizard people?

The Lizards, the Gray's,

the Whites.

Newman even gave me this.

It protects me from the abductions and it makes me a receiver.

To receive what?

Messages from beyond.

Does this mean we're broken up?

Fred?

Hello?

Frederick, is that you?

Elizia!

Elizia!

Elizia, are you there?

- Coming. -Hello!

Coming.

Elizia, what is going on in there?

Nothing, nothing at all.

Sounds like somebody's being murdered in there.

Are you okay?

Yeah I'm fine, everything's fine.

Is there somebody in here with you?

No, just me.

Are you being held hostage? Blink twice if there's somebody in here with you.

No I'm fine, everything's fine. Thank you.

Well all right then. You know, if you need anything...

Yep. Got it. Thank you.

Hello?

Would you like to win a free chance to take a trip of a lifetime?

No. No. Thank you.

Ma'am, are you all right?

No.

No, I'm not.

Would you like to talk about it?

I don't know. I don't know you.

Sometimes all you need is a listening ear. That's part of a telemarketer's job.

I don't even know where to begin.

Start from the beginning, girl.

Well,

I met Fred about three years ago.

He was a swell guy.

He was the perfect guy.

He would wrap me up at night and swaddle me like a child.

We would go get ice cream and he would always wipe the drips from my chin.

-We'd go to the movies and laugh at the same parts. -

And then...

Then what happened?

Then he became distant.

Distant, how?

He would go get eggs and be gone for hours. And he would--

started wearing gloves, buying lots of aluminum foil,

eating kale, you know. It wasn't right.

Then what?

Then it was over.

Just like that.

He said he'd found enlightenment,

a truer path, a gateway to the inner ear.

And why couldn't you go down this path with him?

He wouldn't let me.

He said he had to do it alone.

The true path is the singular path.

What?

Sometimes the only way to be at peace is to be alone.

Look at it this way. Fred is giving you a gift, a chance to find peace within yourself,

to find your own path.

Yeah, maybe.

I don't know, it still hurts a lot.

Almost too much.

I must sound like an idiot, blubbering on and on like this.

Oh it's nothing, believe me. You hear all sorts of things in this line of work.

Well, if it's all the same to you, thanks for listening to me.

Anytime. You have a good night ma'am.

You too.

I'm Elizia, by the way. I didn't catch your name.

You can just call me The Telemarketer.

Well,

good night, The Telemarketer.

Good night, Elizia.

Hi, you've reached Elizia.

I'm either not here or I don't care about answering the phone.

Either way, save words after the beep-a-de-beep.

Elizia, it's Dan. You missed two days of work in a row.

You haven't called. Did no one get in touch with you?

Look, if you're not at work on time tomorrow,

then I'm gonna have to let you go. I'm sorry but I got a business to run.

Uh, hopefully, you get this message.

This one smells like bananas, you know, kind of like,

it's been sitting out in the sun too long radiating by our mother-ship.

And this one, this one smells musky,

kind of rotten, kind of like meat that's been sitting out too long.

I don't know. I think my old Frankie will love them both.

I just want this Valentine's Day to be amazing.

What do you think?

They both smell lovely.

But you didn't even smell my wrist.

I don't have to.

Your beauty is worth more than a fragrance on an appendage

and your love shouldn't be tied to extrasensory enhancements.

If Frankie can't love you without a certain smell attachment,

then you should seek a new relationship.

Umm, okay. I guess I'll take the one that smells like bananas.

Have a nice day and thank you for shopping at Fashion Style Mart Hut.

Hey Elizia.

- -Oh shit!

Um, I'm so sorry. I didn't--

Uh, I didn't mean to scare you like that.

Listen, um I was just wondering if--

Look I know that Fred uh-

Listen, what I'm trying to say is I know that Valentine's Day is coming up

and I would hate for you to be alone and all...

It's fine.

Okay then.

Well in that case, uh,

if you care to join me for...

I'm fine.

Thank you for asking, but I'm fine.

Okay then.

Uh--

I

yeah-- I was just-- in case you change your mind,

you know where to find me. I guess.

I guess.

Okay then, um...

It was good talking to you.

Elizia, you've got to get a hold of yourself.

You've got to move on.

We all saw the writing on the wall. He was going nuts talking about aliens all the time,

dolphins, one plus one is three, reading all kinds of pamphlets.

Yeah, you know, he gave me that one book 101 Ways to Connect with the Dead.

How to connect with your inner lizard?

Weird shit man, yeah, you don't need that.

Yeah, none of us needs that.

Okay that's enough, guys. Let's hear from Ellie.

Ellie, baby,

how are you doing?

What do you think?

How am I doing?

What do I think?

You remember that magic trick,

that great trick when we were kids?

The top-hatted magician would set a table

with wine, deserts, a roast duck in the middle, all shiny and fat.

Then

he would make his way

to the end of the long table,

grab the hem of that

beautiful red tablecloth and tug

so quickly and in such a way that

all that delicious food and drink would stay in place,

but the cloth underneath had vanished.

That's what happens when

a professional, someone suited for the job, performs that bit of prestidigitation but...

...when an amateur does it--

when Fred does it,

the roast duck is on the ground,

cake is smashed to bits

and the wine bottle is shattered.

He shattered me.

-So, me and the girls have been talking. -Yeah.

Yeah, we've been talking and we think that maybe it's time you get back out there again,

you know, play the field a little.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner and it's a good time to go fishing.

Go fishing?

Why don't you just grab a newspaper, look through the classifieds,

see if there's someone that you can tolerate. Could be interesting, right?

I like books. I like numbers.

Numbers?

Yes, numbers are fascinating,

prime, negative, odds, even, square-roots.

Heck, without numbers we wouldn't have computers, cell phones, transistors, chips.

It's all about technology, nano computers.

Did you know that there are nanorobotics bees

that can pollinate the earth just as well as real bees?

Robotic bees?

That's right, we're talking global proportions.

Numbers turn into science and science turns everything into automation.

Robots.

Some day we will serve them.