Leon's Fantasy Cut

I'm never gonna forget that shit. Do you remember where you were?

-Do you remember where you were? -Are you serious?

-Yeah, I'm serious. Yeah. -Are you serious?

Tell me. Do you remember where you were? You were--

Standing next to you.

Exactly. Standing next to me.

What did you see? Bodies, bodies everywhere.

-Stacked to the fucking ceiling, bro. -Oh, my God.

-Evil. It's evil incarnate. For what? -Oh, my God.

-Just enough. It's just a constant fucking... -Enough of what? You think I d--

-...flow. Just constant, const-- -Listen to me. You don't think I don't want-- You don't think

-I want this to stop? You don't think I want this... -No. It's just fucking--

-...to stop? Bro, you think I wanna see my own country-- -Can we--

Listen to me. Listen to me. Pay attention.

I wanna grocery shop. That's what I wanna do.

-I wanna do it too, and I wanna do it in peace! -I don't wanna

-fucking scream-- -I don't wanna worry about fake terrorists.

It's a fucking desert, bro.

- -...yeah, it is.

-No, it's not. The fuck you talking about? -Of course it is.

-This is what I'm saying. -No, no, this is what I'm saying.

You create arguments,

and you don't know what your point is.

Where was the Federal Reserve?

Where did we send army bases?

Where did we set them up? Georgia was number one, bro.

- -Georgia-Azerbaijan, bro. Georgia-Azerbaijan.

- ...total jack-- -No, people are, like, fucking,

-like, society is crumbling. -It's disgusting.

It's disgusting.

You've been making me make stops all day!

-All day... -

So I was, I'm, you know, I'm doing, like, this whole music thing, this rap shit.

I'm starting to plan out kind of what I'm, like,

this shit's moving, moving, you know?

So I'm starting to plan out a little bit what I wanna do.

And when he hits it, man, I'm gonna get myself a boat.

Cruise down the coast the whole way down to DR.

-Yo, one time I went to DR with my family for like, um... - Yeah?

-...it's like a vacation. My mom tells me... - Yeah.

-When did you go to DR? I don-- -...to take a picture. Like a couple years ago.

A couple years ago. There was this sexy-ass chick, though, right?

Bro, I go to take a picture.

Right as soon as I take the pic, she takes my face

-and puts it right in her tits, bro... - Yes.

- Big ass tits. -...it was so sick. I swear.

Sean jawned out everything, bro.

My mom took the picture right on it...

I mean, I got nothing to say about DR, bro. The weed is trash.

-That's about it. -Yo, so tell me more about this, this, uh,

this boat of yours, bro.

It's cool. It's cool. It's gonna be awesome, man.

-It's gonna be a yacht. -Yeah, I'm gonna get a yacht, bro, it's a--

With the money that you get from, from Yuriy,

the junkie pill head,

-scumbag scammer is gonna become... -

...a famous fucking rapper,

and then you're gonna get a yacht, and you're gonna go to the DR

-and do what? What are you gonna do? -What the fuck is wrong with

-Are you go-- hang out on your yacht? -with this kid, bro?

-What the fuck is wrong with this kid? Are you ser-- -No, I'm serious. I wanna know.

No, honestly, were you raised by wolves? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Why are you acting like this? Like, you're, you're a fucking business major.

-You know exactly what you should be doing, right? -Yeah.

-Branding, identity. -I do.

These ar-- why do I know more about this than you do, bro?

-Because you're ridiculous-- -How am I ridiculous?

-It's like the most absurd... -What's insane, bro?

...ridiculous fucking thing I've ever heard.

-How? How? Tell me how. -Because your actual plan for your life

is to take this fucking junkie piece of shit

-who can't fucking rap. -He's not a junkie. He's not a junkie!

Yo-- Like, honest to fucking God, I worry.

-You're an adult, man. Exactly! -You're an adult too, so why can't you just let

-other people do the things their doing, bro? -Exactly!

Like, JAY-Z wasn't fucking born, bro. He's fro--

he's fr-- from Brooklyn too, bro! He was chilling in Hebron courts too.

But at the same time, while he was just chilling with his friends,

smoking fucking blunts, he was working. He was plotting.

-He's plotting. That's exactly what I'm doing, bro. -I just-- man, I just fucking--

I don't even know what to say to you.

- -

-Hey, Leon. Okay. -Oh, hi, George. How are you?

George, give me five minutes, please. I'll be right there.

Have a seat.

I have IPA in the fridge. You want some?

-It's a good beer. It's from Whole Foods. - I'm good, Leon.

Oh, by the way, George, who is this homeless man you brought with you?

He's been following me for years, Leon.

Oh, my God, he stinks like trash.

-Did he pee himself? -Alright, Leon, okay.

Igor, tell me, please, why do you hide behind

all this bullshit in your face?

Your mother hates it.

I'm gonna wait for you outside, George.

Hey, no bums outside my store, Igor.

- Okay, Leon. -

Your brother doesn't know how to joke?

He's very sensitive.

Oh, yeah. George, you remember my son, Constantine?

-The one who went to St. John's? -Mm-hmm. Yep.

You know, he got a big job right now.

He's working in a big building.

-Really? -Yeah.

He works in Charles Schwab building.

-Do you know Charles Schwab? -Yeah, of course.

Millionaires everywhere.

-Wow. -JAY-Z came into the building, he said.

He rode elevator once with JAY-Z and Beyoncé.

And his boss, his boss treat him so nice,

he gave him $35,000 watch.

He thinks about him like a friend.

Yeah. That's what it is.

-So lucky guy, huh? -Yeah, yeah.

I'm so happy with him. Very happy.

Listen... I have no reason to lie to you, okay?

I don-- I don't make commission. I have this service.

I have it because it's the best. It's the best because of the coverage.

We have 4G LTE towers.

We've 4G LTE towers. Nobody else has-- has got that.

Why do you think that we were the first company to get this smartphone?

Because of the coverage, alright?

Come with me, I wanna show you something. Come on. Come on.

Here we go. We have towers everywhere you see yellow in this map.

Everywhere on this map, everywhere that is yellow...

...that's where we have service. We have towers here.

We have towers here. We have towers here.

I was on the top of a mountain with a friend.

Rocky Mountains, beautiful.

Nobody else has service. Nobody has any business

having coverage, and we're sitting here on my phone

watching Ugly Betty on this baby. What kind of phone do you got?

What kind of phone do you got? What kind of phone do you got?

Yeah, of course... it doesn't work, man.

Let me see if you got any upgrades. Let me see if you got any upgrades,

we'll see if you have any upgrades, alright?

-Just give me a second. Hey, Yaniv. -Georgie boy.

Hey, Yaniv, the count was off again.

I have to talk to Christine about it. It's only, like, two bucks, but--

Yaniv, you know that you're not supposed to put metal in the microwave, right?

Why?

It's, you know, it's sparking,

like, all over the place.

Eh. It's only 45 seconds.

Alright, George, I'm double parked. See you later.

See you later, man.

45 seconds.

Nope! Go again! Go at it again!

Again! Go back. Go back to where you were!

Bro, what?

-How many times am I gonna do this shit, bro? -Are you fucking with me

-on purpose, bro? Are you f-- -Bro, I'm using my dad's car.

-What do you want me to do, man? -What do I wa-- I want you to get

in the fucking marks, bro! I gave you marks here,

I gave you marks here, what the fuck do you want from me?

-Just do it. You said you could do it. -Killing me, bro.

You're killing me.

Listen, we've been here four hours, we haven't gotten

a single fucking thing. Can we just do this?

-Right, I got you. I got you. -We're cool, right?

-We're boys? We're boys. -We're boys.

That's my boy, you can do this for me?

-I'll do it for you. -Thank you.

Thank you, bro.

Going again! Alright, Eugene, you fat fuck,

you better give me one good take. Alright, back it up.

-[hip-hop music playing on stereo] -Back it up again.

Yes, yes, back it up again.

Keep going.

-What the fuck is happening? - What's up?

-What's good, bro? -Why is this happening to me?

- Yo, I got something for you. -

Yo, check this shit out, bro. Ooh! It's that good shit.

-Yeah. - Yo.

-What's up, bro? Thank you so much for coming. -

Thank you, bro. Thank you. Let me talk to you.

What happened, bro? We said one o'clock.

Oh, I was headed out. I couldn't find my phone.

For four fucking hours, bro? Come on.

I had a shower and eat, bro. What do you want?

Alright. You showered, you ate. Everything's great.

We're all happy. Let's get you in this.

-This is for the first sh-- -Whoa. Uh-uh.

-Whoa, what, bro? Put this on. -No, I ain't fucking with that.

I ain't fucking with that short bus shit.

-Short-- Bro. -Yo, that's the car for the video?

-What's wrong with the car? -It's just kind of whack, you know?

It's a Beemer, bro.

You couldn't get an R8?

-Yuriy, where am I going to get you an R8? -My boy Gary's got one.

-Let me hit Gary. -No. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No... let's not call Gary. Let's not call anybody.

I'm sorry-- look, I'm sorry you don't like the car, alright, bro?

We're losing light. I really wanna get the shot. Please. So let's just go for a take.

Okay, bro.

Yuriy, can you tell them to shut the fuck up, please?

The girls are cold, bro. What do you want me to say?