Resident Alien

Previously on "Resident Alien"...

Harry can't date that bird.

He should be saving the Earth.

The portal is fixed, yeah?

We are moving to her home planet.

Some people find chips in their skin

that aliens use as a tracking device.

What do we got here, Deputy?

Someone found it near the bus stop.

I'll go through it and see who it belongs to.

You will never know a love like Heather and I.

We do not keep secrets from one another

like humans do.

You are gonna help us get Harry's alien DNA.

You will leave the planet,

and you will never see him again.

What the hell is that?

- After discovering the Greys' plan

to change the Earth's atmosphere,

I have devised a plan of my own.

I am building a bomb that can destroy the Greys' spaceship.

And then their stupid, beautiful hybrids

will be stuck here and have to get jobs

as personal trainers and sideline reporters.

Something is wrong.

My blood sugar is dangerously low.

Once the general has the bomb, she can finish the mission,

and I can embark on my new one--

leaving the planet and spending

the rest of my life with Heather.

Good morning, my beautiful bird of paradise.

Can I make you a nice breakfast?

I have a bowl of worms and insects.

Or there is also still one

aquatic invertebrate in the fridge.

That's OK.

I'm--I'm not really hungry.

OK.

Well, I could, chew it up.

Regurgitate it back in your mouth.

That's really sweet, but no, thanks.

I think that I-- I didn't really sleep well.

Your human bed is not as comfortable as the nest

you made me at the hotel.

Then I will make you a new nest today.

I will go into town, and I will gather twigs

and string and some hair.

No, Harry, you've already done too much.

I want to do something for you.

A wing job?

Something even better.

First, I need you to change.

Your gills definitely needed a cleaning.

There's more where that came from.

You like this?

Yes, I do.

It is so nice to find someone

you can be yourself with.

Just leave everything out in the open.

No secrets.

Yeah.

My love, your head is bobbing.

Is there something on your mind?

Weird.

No.

Nothing at all.

Definitely nothing to hide.

That's for sure.

You can go harder.

I like the pain.

We might need a safe word.

- Hey. - Hey.

What are you doing out here?

I worked late, so...

I got tired on my way home, pulled over.

My house isn't on your way home.

You got me.

I just came by to make sure you're doing OK.

And you slept out here?

I mean, how did you even use the bathroom?

Wait.

Is this about the alien stuff that you said the other night?

Aliens?

That's crazy.

No, I just-- checking up on you.

If that keeps aliens away, then great.

I was not abducted by aliens,

so you need to go home before Kate comes out

and starts asking questions. - Fine.

Hey, would you toss my water bottle for me?

Did you piss in it?

You know I did.

Pretty full. Smells like pee-pee.

Would you throw it out, yes or no?

- No. - Give it a toss.

It's full of urine.

Really?

It's just pee.

Love ya.

Lovely.

There you are.

Tell me you did not spend another night

guarding Ben and Kate's house.

Yeah, but he caught me,

so can't do that again.

Tonight I'll have to bring binoculars

and park up the street, watch from there.

What's the plan here?

Let's say you witness an abduction.

How exactly are you gonna stop it?

Baseball bat.

I've seen pictures of Greys on the internet.

Their long necks, their heads are

just right in my strike zone.

Not to complain, but would it kill Jay

to wash a dish once in a while?

That sounds like complaining.

I know.

She's your daughter, and that actually

explains why she doesn't clean.

But her stuff is everywhere.

Pullout couch, always open.

My raspberry yogurt's gone again.

Big surprise.

- You finished that yesterday. - Yeah.

Because I knew if I didn't, Jay would eat it.

Fine.

I'll buy you more yogurt and clean.

Happy?

No.

Jay should be doing that.

Look, things are really good between Jay and I right now,

and I don't want to rock the boat.

Besides, we have bigger things to worry about,

like how to keep Harry from leaving with Heather.

Jay seems like the least of our--

Sup, fam?

You're out of milk, FYI.

Jay's the least of our-- you were saying?

Leave me alone.

Nothing like a good gill excavation

to make you feel new again.

What can I do to thank you?

You don't need to thank me.

I don't deserve it.

You deserve everything.

That is why I will finish this bomb,

so that we can leave and we can never look back.

I cannot wait to see your planet.

Will your friends accept

that you are dating an un-winged alien?

Let's not talk about the future.

Let's just--let's just talk about the present

because it's so special.

You know, I think that's why they call it the present,

'cause it's a present.

That reminds me, I wrote you a--a new poem.

You did?

I love your poems.

But don't read it to me.

Stop right there and do not read it,

because I'm gonna take this out,

and if I don't come right back,

that's just because I ran out to get cigarettes.

But you do not even smoke.

I love that you try new things.

This must be what true love is like.

When your lover leaves,

you feel like you will never see them again.

And the sound of her tires peeling out of my driveway,

I can tell she is in a hurry to come back to me.

Here you go, Debra.

Morning, Sheriff.

Hey, Deputy.

Hey, do you ever get the feeling like--

like you're being followed?

Right now comes to mind.

Last night, I felt someone following me.

So this morning, I changed up my route,

but I think that son of a bitch Joseph is still on my tail.

You know what this means, don't you?

We're on the right track with our investigation.

Our investigation? No.

I told you, when I get involved, people get hurt.

I'm done.

What?

I thought you just needed time.

I don't need time.

I need distance.

Taking time helps you see things more clearly, Deputy.

Hey, you know, Cletus peed in my bed once, right?

Now, I got mad, but did I get rid of him?

No.

I took some time to reflect

and find the right move.

So then I went and peed in his little doggy bed,

and I said to him, "Now, how do you like it now?"

That's how he learns.

They pee on you, you pee on them.

I'm not gonna rub his nose in it.