The Cleveland Show

¶ my name is cleveland brown ¶

¶ and I am proud to be ¶

¶ right back in my hometown ¶

¶ with my new family ¶

¶ there's old friends and new friends ¶

¶ and even a bear ¶

¶ through good times and bad times ¶

¶ it's true love we share ¶

¶ and so I found a place ¶

¶ where everyone will know ¶

¶ my happy mustached face ¶

¶ this is the cleveland show. ¶

Dinner!

What's on tap, baby?

Your favorite.

I usually have my "favorite" as a midnight snack.

Your bib's on the nightstand.

Uhp.

Oh, I know I'm not looking at another plate of scallops.

Scallops?! Hooray!

It's his favorite. I figured that out

Since we've had it ten times this month.

I'm gonna go toast up my favorite:

Fish sticks and tater tots.

Honey, we're out of them.

We had some this morning.

What happened to 'em? Guilty!

¶ fish sticks and tater tots and strawberry quik. ¶

Dinner!

What's on tap, baby?

So, cleveland jr., are you all packed

For your school trip to d.C.?

I'm not going on that trip. Not going?

This is your chance to visit our nation's capital

And see how white people created our country

With no help from anybody else.

I'm not going.

Bye, shamu.

It's just that junior's never spent

A night away from his parents.

Roberta, you going on that trip, aren't you?

No way I'm babysitting.

Roberta, let me introduce you to some gentlemen of influence.

Mr. Andrew jackson and his twin brother,

Mr. Andrew jackson.

And a hemp-growing slave owner,

You know him as "the general,"

Mr. George washington.

$41.00?

$41 for keeping an eye on my boy.

$41.00.

Hey, junior, you ready to have a good time

In washington with your big sister

Looking out for you? Okay.

All right. Come on up here, junior.

Daddy, watch out! Somebody put a lot of boogers

Under your part of the table.

Let's go, people.

I want fannies on the bus!

Come on, fannies on the bus!

Come on, little brother.

Hey, cleveland, jr. What?

Get bitches, man.

okay, zip it, lock it,

Put it in your pocket.

This is tim and arianna,

Raymond's mom and dad.

That's, uh, that's raymond, right back there.

Hello?

Eh, you watch out, pretty girls.

He's, he's going to try to kiss your face.

Oh, that's a wonderful message, tim.

Because kissing girls is certainly

Going to get him into princeton university.

They'll be your chaperones.

They have the power to give you demerits.

I will take back that power at the end of the trip.

But until then, you will treat them with respect.

Remember, no ipods, no carbonated beverages,

And one last rule.

Have...

Fun!

Announcer : The barf family

Will return, on fox, after these messages.

Um, fast-forward.

What? Fast-forward through the commercial.

I'm not gonna fast-forward through the commercial.

Why not? That's why we got a dvr.

We got a dvr so we could record

The programs we want to watch

With the commercials.

Your generation needs to calm down.

Look, these ad men are doing

All sorts of research on what we want to buy.

Then they're putting descriptions of the products

On during the shows they know we're gonna watch.

They're going shopping for us!

"fast-forward through the commercials."

Fast-forward to your bedtime.

Cascade, your husband...

Wow!

Tim, why aren't you doing anything?

They're going crazy back there.

It's like american pie four: Band camp.

May I have your attention, please...

Oh, so sorry about that.

But hey, you know, now, now you look like

A, a very pretty edward james olmos, ha.

Yes, you see what you made me do?

You made me make a freak out of that girl.

I brought daniel boone hats to wear for the bus ride.

Sounds like fun.

It is fun!

There's oliver wilkerson.

They say there ain't a sport he hasn't lettered in,

Or a girl who hasn't let him in.

Give me your seats.

Why was I whispering? He's deaf.

But I want to sit close to my sister.

It's not right to separate a family.

Tell him, roberta.

He's not my real brother.

His dad married my mom.

Nobody asked my permission.

Well, well, well-- the plot thickens.

Out of my chair, fatso.

Rallo, be nice.

Well, I'm tired of him picking the menu,

Eating my fish sticks,

Sitting where I used to sit,

Running around like he owns the place.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is your name on the mortgage of this house?

No. Is yours?

No, but that's just a matter of paperwork.

I have an appointment with len stein later this week.

Oh, he called back?

Yeah, I made us an appointment

At 10:30 on Thursday.

I got to work on Thursday.

Oh. You know what I'll do?

I'll get len to overnight us the signature copies.

Hold on.

Len? Hey, cleveland brown here.

Cleveland brown?

Donna tubbs' new husband.

Yeah. How you doing?

Listen, donna won't be able to make it on Thursday,

So we were hoping you could send us the signature pages

Of the inter-spousal transfer of title form.

I'm assuming they need a real signature and not a faxed copy?

Right, yeah. Um, could you just send them

To us here at the house?

Yeah, that way we'll sign them

And I'll just make our file copies at kinkos.

Hey, and while I'm there,

I'll just overnight it right back to you.

Great! Thanks, len!

Ask me Thursday at noon if my name's on the mortgage.

So I'm getting undressed,

Thinking he's running the bath for me,

Only to walk in and see his big ol' butt

Stepping into the tub.

And believe me, it was not a good angle.

Did you even get a bath?

Hell no!

We was out of hot water.

I had to take a whore's bath at the sink.

Oh, but I am clean, m-most definitely clean.

Sounds like he's not respecting your position in the family.

I'm the man of that house.

So what are you gonna do, rallo?

I'm gonna hit him where it hurts:

The dong.

Oh, there it is.

Mm.

Move your black crack, jack.

Cleveland! Rallo had a nightmare.

I'm far too scared to sleep alone.

You can sleep with us tonight.

There's no room.

Trust me, there's room

For three in this bed. What?!

Uh, uh, I said there's room for "clee" in this bed.

You don't call me "clee."

Sure, I do.

I love you, clee.

Aw, I love you, too, dahn.

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm--

'nuff of this damn...

Ha!

Good night, chump.

Oh, look who's sitting at his spot

At the head of the table.

Sleep well? I did.

Like a baby.

Like a baby nestled against his mother's bosom.

I should be the bosom-nestler!

Mmm! This danish is good!

Check out my tower of power!