Heartbreak Ridge

- Here's that 410. - Right, Moe. Thanks.

I've been pumping pussy since Christ was a corporal.

I've gotta tell you, the best poontang I ever paid for was in Da Nang.

The girls were checked out daily.

And we got laid in a safe, orderly, proficient, military manner.

Until some suckhead writes home to Mama...

...and says he dipped his wick in the Republic of...

Well, then the shit hits the fan.

A committee of congressmen, who, asshole to asshole...

...couldn't make a beer fart in a whirlwind...

...starts telling your basic ass-in-the-grass Marine,

"No more short time."

We respond in true Marine Corps fashion.

We salute and do an about-face...

...double-time back to the boom-boom garbage dump...

...where we proceed to get the clap, the drip, the crabs...

...and generally a poor attitude towards the female of the species.

War is hell, boy. That's a fact.

I don't like soldier boys.

Say what?

You wanna pop that puppy's can, you don't gotta grease him so hard, jarhead.

Sounds like you're a man of experience.

What the fuck's that mean, grunt-shit?

It means be advised that I'm mean, nasty and tired.

I eat concertina wire and piss napalm.

I can put a round through a flea's ass at 200 meters.

So you go hump somebody else's leg, mutt-face, before I push yours in.

Ain't gonna be so smart with your balls stuffed in your mouth, jarhead.

Oh, shit.

Hang on to this, boy. I think war's just been declared.

Why don't you just sit there and bleed a while before you taste some real pain?

Maybe first I carve me some faggot wings.

He'll kill him.

Then again, there was this dusky gal in Bangkok.

A real crossway breezer, I swear.

Thank you for your testimony, Officer Reese.

Sergeant Highway.

Drunk and disorderly.

Fighting in a public establishment.

Urinating on a police vehicle.

Well, it seemed like the thing to do, sir.

Just because there's no war going on...

...doesn't give you the right to start one every time you get drunk.

I'm taking into account your excellent military record...

...and your commitment to the security of this great nation.

But this is your last chance.

One-hundred-dollar fine. Next.

Your nightstick file for divorce, Reese?

Who do you think you are, pissing on my squad car?

Think you can break our rules and just walk away?

We're supposed to wet our pants over your dress blues and colored ribbons?

Read your file sometime, hero. Check the dates.

It's ancient history. One night, you'll be puking blood in an alley.

You'll look up, see me. Then we'll see.

- Keep dreaming. - You'll pay full price.

- I don't give a serviceman's discount. - Too bad. Your old lady does.

FarangSiam thanks you. Enjoy!

Just about cleaned you out.

Makes you feel good, doesn't it, helping Uncle Sam battle dirty drawers?

Just pump the dog again, Jake, or are you always that slack-eyed?

Looks like you could use a lift.

Suck on this. Smooth as a prom queen's thighs, only not so risky.

Havana cured. Got a pal in Guantánamo in Supply.

We do each other favors. I got lots of friends. I can always use another.

- So we can do each other favors? - Yeah, sure.

If your pencil wasn't so sharp and your eyesight not so clear around here...

I could make your lot in military life a lot comfier...

...not to mention downright rewarding.

You get that contraband stogy out of my face...

...before I shove it so far up your ass

you'll have to set fire to your nose to light it.

Gunny Highway. Major Devin wants to see you ASAP.

At ease. That will be all, sergeant major.

Aye, aye, sir.

For chrissakes, Highway, relax.

Stop being so gung ho.

That's what I am, sir.

What do you got now, about 24, don't you?

And then some, sir.

Some men in your position would look forward to retirement.

Maybe take the wives on a round-the-world cruise.

But that's not your way, is it?

You choose to harangue my staff with a request for transfer to a...

...Fleet Marine Force unit.

The very unit you got busted out of some time ago...

...for insubordination. Conduct unbecoming.

That's true. I have had my differences with some limp dicks.

Highway!

I truly don't know whether to admire you or resent the living hell out of you.

Either way, it doesn't matter. You're out of here immediately.

What did I do?

Second Recon Battalion.

Second Marine Division. You're going home.

Aye, aye, sir.

Gunny Highway.

Sir?

Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it.

Whoa! Hut!

We're gonna bring up the last victim. A true-blood, born in Jersey.

He's the president of punk, the earl of funk.

Here he is, the next king of rock 'n' roll,

ladies and gentlemen, Stitch Jones!

Stitch Jones?

Whoa, whoa.

Do I mess with y'all all when you play "Romance the Sheep"?

Bag these geeks. Keep America beautiful.

- Put a 10-gallon bag over their head. - Let's take care of this.

You look like the twin towers gone cellulite. Heh-heh-heh.

I can play country western. Give me a chance.

I know Merle Haggard, the Beverly Hillbillies.

Come on, man. I need the money!

- How far? - About two stops.

Shit.

You the maid?

I want the seat, but the shit ain't worth dying over.

Hell. You know.

Liz and Dick. Lennon and McCartney, even. Ali and Frazier.

They worked it out. So can we.

Stitch Jones is the name. Rocking and rapping is the game.

Pleased to meet you too.

Banged up my Corvette. But I figure it's a chance to meet regular people...

...dudes like yourself. People like my fans.

I'm a singer. Stitch Jones. Earl of funk. Duke of cool.

- Ayatollah of rock 'n' roll-ah. - Shut your face, hippie.

You say "hippie," man?

Ain't been no hippies for centuries. You been freeze-dried or doing time?

Whew.

One of those would sure go down nice.

I'd buy one from you, but I don't have my plastic. Usually my lackeys...

You can have one, if it shuts the hole under your nose.

Ah. Thank you, my friend.

Jones.

This doesn't mean you can blow in my ear. Tom Highway.

Yo, man, these ain't your magazines.

Somebody must have left them there.

"The Sexual Politics of Living Alone."

"The Big Commitment and You." Ah.

"Island Erotics: How to Stay Tan, Tickly, and Tantalized...

...in the Cool Waters of Jamaica."

Not bad, man.

Ahh.

"Sunday Sex with a Wednesday Lover."

Yo, man, that sounds like a song. Check it out.

I met her on a Wednesday She was the best

Come Sunday morning I needed rest

'Cause she didn't shave, She didn't use Neet

Tried to use my face As a bicycle seat

Word! Am I fresh?

Ahh. Ugh.

This chick's got some angry titties. Hostile projectiles.

- Put your shit in, you get frostbite. - She isn't so bad.

You wanna talk, I'll listen, but don't try to sell Stitch Jones...

...on making love or making music, because I'm an authority. Born to screw...

...and bred to sing. That's me. Now, I've gotta cut some Z's.

So if you don't mind, keep down the chatter while I get my beauty sleep.

Groupies are fun, but you need vitamin E. They wear you out.

- Anything else, general? - No, I'm fine.

What are all those medals?

I'll never tell. At least not while the sun's shining.

This babe is wack.

She doesn't know what's 12 inches long and white.

Nothing!

Hey, man, no offense. Just working on my routine.

I'll tell you what's black and bleeding if it don't shut its face.

Mellow, man. It's gonna be a nice day.

- Tell the driver I'll be right out. - I'm gonna use my plastic. My treat.

Well, thanks. I'll get the tip.

Oh, uh...

My buddy's gonna take care of that. He said to tell you:

"There's no sun shining in the men's john."

I'm here, baby, let's do some distance.

Son of a bitch.

Hey, crotch rot.

Gonna slurp my lifer's juice out of my own cup?

Yeah, I guess I should have gotten shots beforehand.

If your brain was as quick as your mouth, you'd be a 20-star general.

If I was half as ugly as you, I'd be a poster boy for a prophylactic.

Still a mean and nasty bastard.

Good to see you, Tom. Back where you belong!

Take it easy. Everybody's gonna think I'm spoken for.

Ten-hut.

Morning, sir.

Sergeant major.

Coffee, sir?

Negative.

Gunnery Sergeant Thomas Highway reporting for duty, sir.

That operation officer's farthole is sewed so tight he shits out of his mouth.

Academy?

Big-time football hero.

- When am I ever gonna get a break? - Never.

- Sergeant major. - Sir!

Bring in Gunnery Sergeant Highway.

Been in a long time.

I've felt a little heat, sir.

Korean. Dominican in '65. Three tours in Nam.

Hell, he's carrying so much shrapnel, he can't pass through a metal detector.

I haven't as yet had the privilege of combat.

I came over from Supply and Logistics.

An unappreciated field of endeavor, sir.

Quite.