Florida Girls

["WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO" BY GREG HVNSEN PLAYING]

We've lived in Florida our whole lives.

We met when we were five...

... started drinking when we were 12,

and dropped out when we were 16.

We never imagined one of us

would go back to school,

get a real job,

and get the hell out of Florida.

Off to meet new people...

begin a new story...

... and leave us here to rot.

She's leaving us here to fuckin' rot.

To Mandy!

What's up with you, sourpuss?

Oh, I don't know, I feel weird.

No one's ever moved away before.

Tony Hernandez did.

That doesn't count. He was deported.

Well, whatever, we need to find a new roommate.

Someone who can handle, like, the bills

and all that boring crap Mandy did.

I already moved my stuff in.

I took five bucks from my mom's wallet and she flipped out.

I can't live with that bitch no more.

- Moms are the worst. - Moms suck.

Oh, God. I'm sorry, Jayla.

- It's okay. Oh, my God.

How long are we gonna have to keep apologizing

for having moms? I'm sorry, Jay, but, like,

my dad died, too, and y'all don't care.

That's 'cause none of us have dads.

- Shelby does. - What?

No. Just 'cause he paid child support

doesn't mean I had, like, a dad that loved me.

Girl, he just got you a Visa gift card for your birthday.

- He loves you. - My dad loved me.

- Yeah, a little too much. - Ugh...

- Ooh, dads are bad. - Dads suck.

But did y'all know that dads are, like, why monkeys

evolved into humans?

'Cause, like, the dad would hunt, and then the baby

would get more protein and its brain got bigger.

No, Shelby.

We obviously didn't know that.

So, if none of us have dads, then,

does that mean we're, like, not evolved or something?

Who cares? Let's go.

Man, I can't believe Mandy doesn't have to work at this dump anymore.

Dump? What are you talking about?

Barnacles is the shit.

Yeah, it was when we were 19.

Now it's... pretty sad.

What's sad about it?

Hey, NeeNee. How's that baby?

Yeah.

What if, what if we went back to school,

and got out of Florida like Mandy did?

Oh, my God.

Shelby, you're such a sheep.

Stop trying to be like lame-ass Mandy.

We're staying in Florida forever.

Okay.

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

You can't even afford to finish your tattoo.

Okay, you got me, Shelby.

Sorry I'm not a billionaire.

Jesus, Rick! No!

- What? Rick,

come on, man, we talked about this.

Stop flashing the mermaids.

Yup, you're right and I ignored you and I'm, I-I'm sorry.

Okay, well, put your dick away and get the hell out of here.

I was just hoping y'all would have a change of heart?

- No. Sorry. - No, we didn't. Go.

Okay, miscommunication.

- That's on me, sorry. Bye.

Okay, see? If we got GEDs, we could get real careers

and not have to look at Rick's dick twice a week.

I don't want no career, and thank God I don't need one.

Yeah, cause your 60-year-old boyfriend pays your rent.

Harold is 57,

and don't be mad 'cause my fine ass can pull rich men.

I'm serious, y'all.

I feel like we might need to, like,

change or something.

And think about it, all we do is, like, get hammered

and do dumb crap.

You can't blame alcohol for being a bad Rollerblader.

- I think we might be losers. - What? No.

We're awesome. We're hot as dick,

and we're basically local celebrities.

- Facts. - Besides, you really want

to go live in some landlocked hellhole? Fine.

Say goodbye to Jet Skis, island parties, surfing...

- You don't surf. - When the fuck did I say I surfed?

I mean, maybe we are losers.

I should probably stop stealing.

Yeah, you're getting real shady.

I mean, I don't steal from people anymore.

Just, like, gas stations and my mom,

and if I see an Amazon package on a doorstep,

I mean, if I don't take it, someone else will.

- That's true. Well, I want to make

some changes, too.

I want to be classier.

You know, so Harold will want to marry me.

Guys, he's so rich.

- And you love him? - Oh, absolutely.

But you know he said he wouldn't marry me?

I mean, he thinks I'm super fine, of course.

But he talking about I need to grow up.

Exactly. Maybe he's right, maybe we all do.

Yeah, or maybe Grandpa Harold should stop dating a 25-year-old.

Would a grandpa buy me this gold necklace?

"For my princess"?

- - Yes, that is exactly

what a grandpa would buy you.

Rick,

- get out! All right,

yeah, you caught me trying to sneak in.

That's fair enough. I apologize.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

See you tomorrow. - Bye, Rick.

- Rick looks good. No!

_

What up, bitch?

It's your girl, Mandy.

Leave that damn message, though.

Yo, how's Ohio?

You did it.

Um, I was actually thinking about getting my GED.

I just, I need you to tell me I can do it or something.

I'm smart, right?

Call me.

And that's when I was like, I'm not gonna buy Bitcoin.

Turn that off. I'm trying to work.

Daryl, you white trash piece of crap.

You can cook meth and listen to music at the same time.

And you can suck my left nut.

We have the worst landlord.

Kaitlin, can I borrow your flat iron?

Whoa, you look good.

You're like a black Melania Trump.

Dude, don't straighten your hair.

Oh, I have to. It looks classier that way.

We only think that 'cause the media stuffs

all this whitewashed garbage down our throats...

Boo. God, we get it, you read.

Well, Harold's coming to pick me up later,

so I got to look like wifey material.

Would you really marry him and abandon us?

Of course. He has health insurance,

and a two-car garage.

I've been working on my stuff, too.

I haven't stole since yesterday.

That's my bathing suit, Erica.

God, y'all are being so lame.

It's embarrassing.

What about you?

You gonna get your GED and ditch us, too?

I don't know. I just read online that classes

- are, like, 200 bucks. - School costs money?

That's the lamest thing I've ever heard.

But I can pay for it with the Visa gift card my dad gave me...

- -

What the hell, Daryl?

Did you just shut our power off?

I need to straighten my hair!

My edges look like Cocoa Puffs!

Yeah, well guess what. Y'all didn't pay your power bill yesterday.

You owe me 70 bucks.

I ain't turning it back on until I'm paid in full.

Ah, it's empty. Damn it.

Mandy used to take care of all this crap.

Dumb bitch didn't even bother to teach us how to do it.

So, what, it's, like, 70 bucks every month?

Yeah, but it's fine. Let's just put money in.

Erica, did you just pretend to put money in?

I don't think so.

Okay.

This is...

$6.30.

Ooh, why don't we use your Visa gift card for the rest?

Why was that in your pocket?

Holding it?

Is this seriously all we have?

Are you joking me right now?

Damn it.

Am I really gonna spend this on dumb-ass electricity?

Uh, electricity isn't dumb. You know what's dumb?

A GED. You really want to go to adult high school

with a billion immigrants and sad teen moms?