Modern Family

No one's around. Again!

Is it just me, or our people are avoiding us lately?

I get it, twins are a ton of work.

But Haley and Dylan ask us to help out a lot.

Maybe we're both just loopy from sleep deprivation.

I don't even remember making this cup of tea.

It's fine, I'll just jog with them.

Don't push yourself too hard on that run.

Please. You know who you're talking to?

Why does everyone always ask me that?

Whew! That was close.

- Are they gone? - Yes.

Whew! Okay, who'd like to help me

- with a magic trick? - Oh!

Alex. Great. Now, uh, take this dove...

Try not to rile her up. She's about to spend

the better part of an hour in my pants.

*MODERN FAMILY* Season 11 Episode 03

*MODERN FAMILY* Episode Title : "Perfect Pairs"

Until now, we haven't had the best of luck with renters.

So, when you said you were a cat person

uh, on your application...

- Mm-hmm. - Um...

Oh, oh, that's... that's just my watch.

But then Brad and Paul moved in, and it was like

the perfect friend couple showed up at our front door.

And you wanted to stop renting completely

- after the cat lady. - I just...

I couldn't listen to her scream

every time she took a bath.

I can't believe how much we have in common.

Daughters the same age, you both played football.

You know, an ex-teammate of mine is a coach for the Chargers.

He can get us right on the field.

You just have to watch where you stand,

'cause you could end up under a wide receiver.

Okay, stop selling! I'm in!

They even pre-paid for six months.

That means they'll be here till Christmas.

We can include them in our Secret Santa!

Oh, it would be nice not to get Lily again.

Mm-hmm.

The Duke...

..becomes a uke...

..becomes a Luke.

- Dad, that was amazing! - Yeah!

Amazing that I think a hacky parlor trick

is gonna cut it at SCARB.

You heard me right, Alex... SCARB!

The Southern California Area Realtors' Banquet

is the biggest event of the year

for Southern California Area Realtors.

The other events... SCARL, SCARD, SCARP, SCARG, SCARF...

t-they're fine, but SCARB, it's... it's the show.

I performed at last year's SCARB,

and... and I did well.

Too well.

Thank you.

Wait, was there someone else who wanted to say thank you?

Oh, that's right.

Puff wanted to say thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Unbelievable!

When you were underwater for nine minutes,

I almost broke the glass myself!

You have got to come back next year.

Well, I guess I could, uh...

..get behind you on that.

I don't know how I did that.

For the last year, I haven't paid for a drink

in any Realtor bar in California.

I've never known that kind of adulation.

If I blow it tonight, it all goes away.

I'm just another bum walking into Brokers

paying for my own Long Escrow Iced Tea!

Dad, I'm on the short list for this NASA job.

I just need to finish these forms,

but I... I swear to you, it really was great.

- Oh! I'm sorry. - Oh.

And I am a tough audience.

I'm a scientist.

It's not like I'm fooled by simple misdirection.

I told Janice I'm 21.

I'm pretty sure she'd break up with me

if she found out I wasn't even legal yet.

Then she asked if I'd buy wine for dinner tonight.

Mind moving your thumb...

Alexandra?

That's what that's short for?

So sweet of you to take them to the park.

Just make sure they're someplace shady.

Will do.

It's amazing how well you've been doing

selling Aunt Miranda's hot sauce.

I don't want to tell you how much money I have lost

trying to sell it over here.

I wouldn't mind having an exact figure...

I can't believe that you guys are already engaged!

Where did you guys meet?

On the street where I sell my artwork.

One day, she let me paint her.

She became my muse.

I am so happy for you, Sonia.

Finally, you found the love that you deserve.

It's great seeing you being supportive of Sonia for...

She's an idiot.

He's obviously a gold digger,

and I'm going to prove it to her.

How do you know he's a gold digger?

He's a starving artist, she has money.

Do you really think that someone young and beautiful like that

is gonna fall in love with a rich, older person?

- Never happens. - Mm-hmm.

I hear what I'm saying, and we're fine.

When Sheryl McCray comes in,

pay for her coffee with this.

Sheryl McCray, powerhouse real-estate developer.

I've been trying to land her closet business for years,

but it's impossible to get a meeting.

This article, though,

says where she buys a latte every Saturday at 10:00.

Today, I'm gonna buy that latte, we'll get to talking,

and before you know it,

she'll be buying a latte closets.

Sheryl McCray?

Matthew Kang, Kang Cabinets.

Would you have just two minutes

- to, uh, sit dow... - Are you serious?

I'm not gonna do business with someone

who interrupts me in a coffee shop

while I'm trying to enjoy a few precious moments

of alone time ith my child.

And her nanny.

I think she's wet.

Change of plans, big spender?

Ohh! Really? An emergency?

- Well, I guess I could... - Relax.

They don't need help with the babies. Luke has them.

Oh, thank God.

Ugh. Let's get rid of this bad reminder, huh?

Oh, I know that lady.

What? How?

Oh, Mommy and Me class at my yoga place,

she's there every week.

Oh, in fact, it's starting in half an hour.

Think I'm gonna grab the kids and go do my thang.

- Hey. - Hi. - You know what?

I haven't spent any time with those little ragamuffins.

Why don't you let me take 'em?

- But I kind of wanted to take... - Oh, take the help!

Don't be a hero, super mom, huh?

Is it me, or is your mom acting weird?

No. No!

Don't you ev...

Your cue is "cadabra"!

- Hey! - Hey!

We made kale smoothies. We wanted to share.

Thank you.

Mmm!

Oh, no! We're intruding.

You're throwing a big pancake brunch.

Where is everyone?

Uh, this is just for us.

Oh.

- What's this? - Art project for school.

I just grabbed something out of the trash

and threw glitter glue on it.

Got a 70.

She knows that's out of 100, right?

Vera went through a Found Art phase.

This is, um...

This is the Michelangelo's David

that she made out of plastic.

Recycled plastic.

We only get one planet, let's take care of it.

Mm.

Guess someone's never heard of the moon.

Oh, hey, speaking of art, you're so lucky

to live right around the corner from the museum.

Who was your favorite artist in the postimpressionist show?

- Uh... - Uh, w...

I mean, gun to my head?

I would say...

Gauguin, perhaps?

- To the exhibit? - Yes. In a heartbeat.

Uh, you know, actually, I'm thinking about going today.

Would you guys care to join?

Oh, I'd love to,

but I promised this one we'd go on a canyon hike.

Once an underwear model...

A couple International Male covers

to pay for medical school,

he'll never let me forget it!

Okay, we should go.

Oh! Unless, did you want to join for the hike?

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm... I'm running the Santa Monica stairs

this afternoon, so...

- Oh. - It's Saturday. If they don't see

me there, they get worried.

And thank you for the yummies.