Are You Being Served?

Cheerio Mr. Tebbs!

All the best!

Don't forget to come back and see us!

Oh I hope he's doing the right thing.

- Well, he could have stayed another five years

but that would only increase his pension by a pound a week.

- Yeah, which at the present going rate would only afford

him three loaves of bread.

I think he was fat enough already.

Oh look he's left his farewell cake.

Oh look he's left his teeth marks in it.

Isn't it marvelous?

60 years faithful service,

and the only sign that he's passed this way

are his teeth marks in a bun.

Makes you thinks doesn't it?

When you go Mr. Humphries,

what do you think you'll leave behind?

Well, I haven't really thought.

I expect my aftershave will linger

on my bill pad for a couple of sales.

After that nothing.

Oh what a depressing conversation.

Yes I agree, and it isn't like that.

It isn't just teeth marks in a cake.

Think of all the happy memories he left behind.

Yes, let's each think of a happy memory.

Well, what sort of a memory?

Well, anything that he did

or said that was unforgettable.

Who?

Mr. Tebb's, the old assistant we've just

given this farewell party for.

- Ah oh him, he never said anything unforgettable.

Oh, he must have done.

- Well, if he did I'm damned if I can remember it.

I remember something.

- Good, you see when you try it all comes flooding back.

What was it?

- He used to shovel his custard up like a bucket dredger.

Well, that's awful.

- Here, who do you think's gonna get the job?

- Well, names have been mentioned on the sixth floor.

Whose?

I'm not at liberty to tell.

You mean you don't know.

As senior management of course I know.

Well, if you don't tell us who it is,

we'll never know whether you knew or not, will we?

Very well,

but you must treat this as strictly confidential.

They're going to advertise for a new man.

Well, that's the limit.

I've been here 16 years, man and boy.

Mostly boy.

At least you'd think they'd have the courtesy

to pay me the compliment of considering me.

Yes, instead of casting you aside

like a wrinkled old tomato found

going moldy at the back of the fridge.

Mr. Lucas, there must be something else

that's cast aside that's more attractive than that.

- Mr. Humphries, the post they're advertising is the junior.

They can't do that, I'm the junior.

- Well, Mr. Grace, in his wisdom, has decree

that you will be taking over from Mr. Humphries.

Mr. Humphries?

Well, where is Mr. Humphries going?

Mr. Humphries is to be the new senior.

No.

Yes.

You're joking.

I'm not.

Cross your heart and hope to die.

Scout's honor.

Oh, I'm so happy.

Oh, oh, oh, it's started me leg off.

Oh, this hasn't happened to me since

I was a prefect in me primary.

Is there anything we can do to stop it?

- No, it's all right, it'll turn to hiccups in a minute.

There, told you.

Now, what do we do?

Well, my teacher, Miss Haswell,

she used to get one of the boys

to creep up behind me, and give me a surprise.

Did it work?

- No, but he still writes to me from Capri.

Are they feeling better now?

Oh yes, they're much, much better, yes.

You know, it always happens just before a storm.

My brain picks up the electrical vibrations,

and sends a message down to my bunions,

and they start throbbing.

But it's a lovely day,

the storm was last night.

Yeah, but it takes a long time to get

a message to any part of my body these days.

Drat! My suspender's gone.

Oo! Ah! Oh!

That message got through quickly enough.

But it didn't have so far to go, did it?

Here you are.

Hello?

Rumbold here, sir.

I'm afraid I must have a decision.

You were going to make up your mind

as to whether Mr. Humphries was taking

over as senior salesman.

Now, the question is,

is he or isn't he?

- People have been asking me that for years.

- Well, I think we should put him on probation.

I didn't know the case had come up.

Anyway, I can't stop here chatting with you,

I'm in hot water with my nurse.

Well, what do you think, sir?

More hot water, sir.

Yes.

Thank you, sir.

Here you are, sir.

I think you'll find that's all right now.

Yes, would you leave now, Mr. Harman.

I have a meeting to discuss a confidential matter.

Oh, I see.

Just 'cause I'm a humble member

of the packing and maintenance department,

I'm not suppose to know what

the higher echelon is talking about.

Well, you could put it like that.

We're outside, sir.

People who knock usually are.

Come in.

- Seeing as this is a confidential meeting,

I shall wipe from my mind the fact that I have seen you.

I'm sorry.

Now, I have some news for you regarding

the vacancy on the men's counter.

I have been officially authorized to offer

the post to Mr. Humphries.

- May I be the first to congratulate you, Mr. Humphries?

Thank you.

Yes, congratulations, indeed.

Thank you.

- It's not often a man of your age gets this position.

How does it feel?

He's says he's very happy.

Could he please go and phone his mother?

What did he say then?

I don't know.

I said, is there any more money?

- You will receive grade H4-B with increment

and London weighting.

How much is that?

- Oh, that is between Mr. Humphries and the management,

but I do have the figure written down here.

Now, this will, of course, leave a gap

in the men on the counter.

And there have been numerous discussions,

at boardroom level,

as to who should takeover Mr. Humphries position.

It was suggested that we should ask Mr. Humphries

if Mr. Lucas is capable.

The question is,

is he ready for it?

I'm ready for it.

We weren't asking you, Mr. Lucas.

Perhaps it'd be more to the point

if you ask me what I think,

but I don't think he's ready for it.

Capt. Peacock, as senior assistant

I think it's up to me to decide whether he's ready for it.

I entirely agree with Mr. Humphries.

And I don't want the fact that

I'm Mr. Humphries best friend to influence

him one way or the other.

You're not, and it won't.

Well, is he ready for it?

Let me put it this way,

he's as ready as he'll ever be.

I do believe in giving youth a chance.

Mr. Lucas, you have the post,

and here is your increase.