Adios amigos

There. We're going for a nice swim.

-Right, Philip? -Yes.

There you go.

Getting an eyeful?

Not really.

-Did you manage? -Pissed all over the can.

-She's so fucking hot. -Who? Where?

Fuck.

She looks a bit like that chick I balled in Salou.

-Camille, or something. -Tell us again about Salou.

The chicks over there are wild.

Doesn't matter who or what you are, they just bang you.

-You still jerk off thinking of them. -Oh, come on, you filthy virgin.

-That's what your dad said last night. -To your mom.

That makes no sense.

What?

-She's tucking her hair behind her ears. -Does she have big boobs?

-Your size. -Don't.

-It's all muscle tissue. -Stop it.

Joost's boob is the only one we ever touch.

That's not funny, it's fucking pathetic.

Here, man, that could have been us.

But it's not, we're fucking disabled.

Let's go for a drink in the aqua bar.

Hey, maybe there are some hot chicks there.

Guys, who knows a song?

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer

-Let's go to Salou. -Us? To Salou?

-Yes, us to Salou. Are you deaf as well? -No. What will we do there?

What do you think? Balling those wild women Lars always talks about.

Right. And you'll ask our parents to take us to Spain

-to give our dicks some action? -No. Just the three of us.

Oh, interesting.

Lars, will you pull up my underpants? Then I'll wipe Philip's ass.

So what? Should I walk around with an erect virgin willy the rest of my life?

Hello. Speak for yourself, okay?

How many Camilles have you banged since you ended up in that wheelchair?

Take one down, pass it around

now I have 98 bottles of beer on the wall

-I'm done. -Can I have Lars' dessert?

Who says he doesn't want dessert?

He didn't finish his plate so he can't have dessert.

That rule doesn't apply to him, Jasmijn.

-Come and help me with the dishes. -But it's not fair.

-I'll help you. -You don't have to help.

Jasmijn?

-What's the job you worked on today? -A new site for the library.

Okay, okay.

-Sounds nice. -It's boring. I cant make any decisions.

Sweetie, come on. Try to think positively, because this is a great opportunity.

Right?

I'll add a piece of sausage.

She's crying.

And now he's leaving the room.

I'd be so upset if you left me behind here on my own. So awful.

-Shall I get us a snack? -No, you sit. I'll do it.

There.

-Good night, son. -Yeah.

-Do you want... -No, don't feel like it.

There.

-Good night, sweetheart. -Good night.

NEW MESSAGE

PHOTOS SOCCER WEEKEND

Sweetheart...

-Sweetheart. -Yeah.

Lars is here.

Let's go to Spain.

-Yes. -Yes, very good.

Hola, supermercado, telebancos por aqui

-Don't stay too long. Philip's working. -Yeah.

Joost.

How are you? Vamos a Espanja?

Well...

I've been thinking about it, but it's a bad idea.

-Why, Joost? -Yes, why?

Who washed and dressed you this morning?

-And how did you get here? -That's a good point.

But yo habos thought about it. We'll bring along a carer with a van.

-Good plan. -And where will you get such a person?

Here: "Tailored to your needs."

"For a few hours a week, or 24/7 care."

"Has adapted van." Great.

Is he licensed?

-It doesn't say. -So that's useless.

Okay, here: "Licensed and experienced homecare."

-Like that better? -That's homecare.

So? He can do it on the road.

And we'll all pack into his car?

Here: "Professional, reliable disabled care.

Licensed and owns adapted passenger van.

Full-time available for both caring and nursing at home or on the road."

-Great. -I'm not so sure.

Know what, Joost?

If you don't like the idea, just stay home.

Lars and I will go and buy you a T-shirt.

-Is that nurse a guy? -Yeah, his name is Lub.

His name is Lub.

How appropriate. With a Lubricator to the Costa.

Where would you like to go?

-To Spain. -Your timing is off.

-With that takeover in Switzerland. -You don't understand.

-We want to go with the three of us. -What do you mean?

-The three of us in a van. -Van?

-For how long? -A week.

-About ten days. -Ten days.

-Joost, your mom agrees to this? -Well...

She thinks it's good for my development.

She just doesn't want me to drive.

We don't want to go completely by ourselves.

-We're going with a carer. -Carer?

Geez, do you have to repeat everything?

You know, a guy who pulls on your clean underpants and hoists you into bed.

Take it easy.

We found someone who fits the bill.

I kind of like the idea.

Can I have a look?

Oh, no, from eBay? Have you lost your minds, guys?

Okay, a carer from eBay is probably not a good idea.

But what if we look for someone? Someone we know and trust.

That guy from swimming. He owns a van.

-What's his name again? -Ton.

We could go and talk to him, just to see what he thinks about it.

Folks, this is a hydraulic ramp. So that's great.

Inside we have the safest fastening system available on the European market.

This is fastened and unfastened again, so that's great.

We have a GPS system that allows you to track your sons up to a meter.

-That's wonderful. -I like that.

Lars, press that button.

-So we have a built-in DVD player. -Awesome.

There's a fridge with good stuff in it. We have cupboards with colouring pencils.

And what's great too... If I may... We have an intercom system.

-So, folks, we have an intercom system. -Great sound.

-It is wonderful. -What do the parents think?

These guys want to go on an adventure. We should let them have that.

With this wonderful van, we can only agree.

Yo, goodbye and farewellos, wave at your sonnos.

-That one's cool. It has a swimming pool. -Yes.

It's too expensive, sis.

Why does it have to be Salou?

For the same reason I won't allow you to go there in a few years.

Why don't you go and help Mom with the dishes.

No.

That's mean.

Lars, that's not funny.

Mom?

Mom.

-Hi, Lars, how are you? -Fine.

Hello.

I'm going on a trip.

Lars, I'm afraid I have bad news.

On the scan we can see there's a new, large metastasis.

It's dangerously close to one of the arteries in your brain.

That's not possible.

You mistook someone else's scan for mine.

I'm so sorry, Lars.

Look, I'm doing just fine. Look.

I'm doing just fine.

You really need the wheelchair, Lars.

To be honest, I'm afraid we have to adjust your life expectancy considerably.

Lars, I think this is dreadful.

And although I find it regrettable, your mom is right. The trip is off.

Philip, do you still have the email address of that guy on eBay?

Of the Lubricator? Why?

To send him an email that he has to come with us.

But Lars... you're going...

I'm going to Spain.

To bang a hot chick.

-What about your parents? -Fuck my parents.

-Lars, are you sure? -As sure as my balls are blue.

-Come here. -I'm going to email him.

Mom.

Yes.

-Hello. Good going. -Sorry.

Sorry, my ass. If you'd rather watch TV, just say so.

-Shall I put you in bed? -No, just go and watch TV.

But you can't sleep in your chair, sweetheart.

-Sweetheart? -Leave me alone.

Okay, good night.

Good night.

Mom?

I'm here, honey.

-How did I deserve this? -Because.

SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT I DIDN'T MEAN IT

DEAR MOM, I WENT ON A TRIP HAVE TO DO THIS, DON'T WORRY

Jasmijn?

Jasmijn?

I'm going to Salou.

-With my bag? -To think of you on the road.

But I don't want you to die.

I'm not going to die.

-But Mom says you're ill and... -How many times? Don't listen to Mom.

Don't tell Mom and Dad I've gone on a trip, OK?

I'll see you soon.

Yo, Larsie.

-I see you're going to chase men. -Ha, ha.

And you'll spend ten days in the same clothes?

-Or naked? -Crap.

Loser.

We'll buy something.

Thank you.