Star Trek: Lower Decks

- Aah! - Oh! Oh, sorry.

Oh, Goopy. Aw, it's okay.

Hey, Federov, you know you can replicate a larger towel, right?

It's not his fault. We're all packed in here.

Yeah, I love the Cerritos, but it's a workhorse.

It definitely wasn't designed for all this crew.

Usually I don't mind the lack of personal space,

but recently it's been too chaotic.

I don't know, I think it's kind of fun.

We're in the middle of the action, you know?

We're getting our hands dirty, even when we sleep.

Huh?

I am Minooki.

Oh, boy, we got a ancient mask situation here.

The what now?

This is, like, the third time it's happened.

Stop touching masks.

I will rebuild my palace.

- No, no, no. Captain! - Zenrox, tilling his fields.

In the spring. The spring!

- You cannot contain Minooki. - Captain!

- Jerna, before the dawn! - Captain!

Oh, yeah, it's super fun to be in the action.

I just tuned that.

Captain's log: Once again, the Cerritos

was partially transformed into a temple

while I was inhabited by the spirit of Minooki.

Starfleet has to come up with a better way

to handle these D'Arsay archive situations.

Lieutenant Commander Billups and his engineers

have been working around the clock

to repair the systems that turned into vines and aqueducts,

and I'm worried

the additional work has taken an emotional toll.

Well, it's taken some time,

but we've removed all the sacrificial altars

from the essential systems,

and the ship is almost clear of the crazy mess you made.

Uh, that Minooki made.

Right, right, of course. Sorry. It's been a long day.

You've been working for a week straight.

Oh, have I?

Well, I guess time's lost all meaning.

Dr. T'Ana's raised some concerns, Lieutenant Commander.

Her medical opinion is that you are

"a fucking pile of stress."

I'm fine! The doc just needs to stay in her lane,

'cause I don't go down to her sickbay

and tell her how to hypo her sprays.

I've been leaning on your team

pretty hard the last month,

and we've got this huge project with the Carlsbad coming up.

Ho-ho. More work. Great.

You can admit when you need a break.

It's not a sign of weakness.

I'm not weak!

Ugh.

Let it all out.

This little breakdown

is exactly why I arranged a therapeutic getaway

for you and your team.

- A-a getaway? - That's right. Captain's orders.

Now, who's ready for the most relaxing mandatory vacation

of their lives?

You're bringing a tricorder instruction manual

- on your spa trip? - Aah!

Yeah, something fun to read

in case all the relaxing gets boring.

Mm. I better take two.

With the captain gone, we're just gonna have to be

in standby, so you won't be missing out on much here.

Well, there's the room lottery.

Oh, right. I forgot that was coming up.

Four separate quarters opened up on Deck One.

Deck One? Those are the penthouse suites.

I could fit so many beakers in there.

The next time Captain's possessed by a haunted mask,

I could just close the door.

So I am missing out.

Don't worry about it, man.

We'll enter your name into the lottery.

Not like it'll matter. Room lottery has always been

weighted for higher stations.

Lower deckers don't end up in fancy rooms.

Who knows? Maybe we'll get lucky.

Aah!

- I'm sorry. - Goopy! Get back here.

It'll be super easy.

Delta shift.

We access the terminal on Deck Nine,

change a few lines of code, then the stupid

lottery algorithm will have to pick us.

Uh, but what about the turbolift records?

We're gonna get caught.

Not if we go in the back way.

There's no active monitoring

in the auxiliary corridors.

We'll be untraceable.

You're right. Deck One, here we come.

Ugh.

And then they all laughed

in that mean, Delta shift way they do.

Ugh. Delta shift's the worst.

How are they even in Starfleet?

They should all just join the Maquis.

Well, those jerks figured out how to rig the lottery

using an air-gapped terminal.

Oh, they're definitely getting those Deck One rooms.

No, no way. No, we got to get to that terminal

and beat them at their own game.

But isn't that... cheating?

So is the whole room lottery.

Look, after all the times we've been cheated,

we'll just be evening things out.

And if we don't do something, they will.

Ooh, I've always wanted to explore an ethical gray area.

Yes! Let's go gray area the shit out of Delta shift.

Ah, Captain Freeman and her engineers.

Welcome to the Dove.

I'm Toz, and my mission is your relaxation.

I understand your department's been

under some intense pressure.

Right, well, you know, just doing our job,

so, uh, how long is this gonna take, anyway?

Here on the Dove, we've mastered the science of relaxation.

Wrist bands, lemonade.

These bands monitor your tension levels,

so we can adjust your treatment accordingly.

Yellow indicates you're all experiencing moderate stress.

But soon enough, we'll have you green across the board.

The puppy playpen is one of our most popular offerings.

For the more deviant among you, we also have kittens.

No judgment.

Our baths feature mud imported directly

from the healing bogs of Tellar Prime.

Temperature and viscosity are bespoke.

Everyone has a different way of relaxing.

Look at the joy on his face.

He's actually gone way over his time.

We're afraid to end his session.

We can't wait to see what you have prepared for us.

Isn't that right, Mr. Billup...?

Billups, what are you doing?

Oh, sorry, yeah,

we noticed that the-the hatch,

uh, the, you know, the sliding hatch...

It wasn't operating at, uh...

We fixed the door.

Hmm. We must begin the program immediately.

Here's the terminal room. The Deltas are going there

through the auxiliary corridors, but we can get there faster

if we cut through the maintenance systems.

It's gonna be a hike, and probably some tight fits,

but it should get us there first.

Hey, I will gladly get chin-deep in a waste conduit

if it means beating those stupid Deltas.

All right, well, the shortcut starts through a panel

in the back of Holodeck Three.

Ugh, there's a program running.

I guess we're gonna have

- to wait it out. - No time.

Just stay low.

Huh. Oh, I know what this is.

I think this is what people used to use to store their money.

It's called a bonk?

Oh, what a boring program.

Uh, yes, hello.

I'd like to withdraw some paper with no intrinsic value.

Money.

Aah!

Everybody down! This is a robbery!

Hands up where I can see 'em.

I didn't wake up today planning on blowing anyone's brains out,

but don't push me.

Son of a... Oh, shit, it's the Feds!

- Over here. - You're surrounded!

Bring it, scumbags.

We're not scared of you!

Aah!

Computer, deactivate safety protocols.

- What?! - Eat hot lead!

Computer, pause program.

Aah! Mm.

What the hell?! I was about to blast 'em.

What are we doing?

The usual: we off these Feds, and once our blood's pumping,

we'll do the nasty on the counter

- and make the hostages watch. - Aw, geez.

No, I mean what are we doing,

- as a couple? - Ew, just shoot me instead.

What are you talking about?

You love crime play.

When was the last time

you asked me about my dreams?

Or how my mission went? I died,

and we never even talked about it.

Does baby need to suckle on one of mama's...

- Will you put those away, Diane? - Ugh.

- Diane is her kinky sex name? - This is worse

- than the shootout. - I am more than a rock-hard body