Growing Op

What the?

I, uh, I like your house!

It's roomy. It's very roomy.

Oh shit. Sorry!

Calm down, calm down.

#PLEASE KEEP OFF THE GRASS#

#SOLD#

Hey Mom, Dad?

#GROWING OP#

Hey, hey bud!

These little Afghanis are loving

bat guano steeped with coffee,

So I'm going to move them to a 18/6 cycle

Oh and don't forget to clone the Tasmanians, they're going veg in a day or two

Dad, do we have to keep your bat shit formula in the regular fridge?

Bud, it's just until harvest.

And for your information, that’s primo guano imported from Malaysia.

One of these days, I'm gonna be tired and I'm gonna drink it by accident!

Well, maybe you wouldn't be so tired if you weren't

doing that whole 'gardening' thing on the side.

It's not a 'thing' Dad, it's my job. - The suburban lawn is a nothing but a mutant

monoculture which bears no resemblance to nature.

What is it? You need a raise in your allowance? - I don't even spend what I have.

Quinn, there are a lot of kids your age who would love to be in your situation

How do I know? I don't know any other kids my age

Well try the internet It's a great way for social exiles to find each other!

Alright my little baby, I hope you're thirsty

Grow

Hi sweetie I’m just finishing up my column, then we'll start.

Do you know where your sister is?

Home school There's no escape

Park it gently

Aristotle's conditions for change are two opposed states of being

Such as X goes from being F to being not F, or vice-versa.

Very insightful, Quinn. Yeah, I think that just about does it for today, guys.

Mom, what, what's my grade?

Since when do you want a grade?

Yeah, Quinn Who needs grades?

Mom, you used to teach real school. And I want to know what I'd get.

Well, the point of grades in real school is unhealthy comparison

But if you want to compare, here's a list of some more

exceptional people who were home-educated.

Tennis Star Serena Williams. Country singer Garth Brooks.

'Garth Brooks' Good God - We're waiting to be impressed, Mom.

It's not to impress you. It's to remind you that you're not alone.

Yeah well, misery loves company then.

Ok for tomorrow please identify and sketch three cloud formations

And I suggest that you get to it before supper

Class dismissed

So what's up your butt lately? - Hope, you know, just leave me alone.

Why, are you gonna go masturbate?

Cause if that's what's up, I'm cloud-sketching elsewhere.

Nothing's up Hope, except that I just turned eighteen and I'm already a wanted criminal.

Yeah So?

No, I told you, I don't want you guys selling to losers.

If you vouch for them, fine, but if they stiff

us, they’re getting their faces ripped off.

You too. Love ya, later. Bye.

I got altocirrus. - NO WAY, I called altocirrus!

I'm already drawing the fucking convection layers! I call below the troposphere.

Tough. She's all mine. - Bring it, bring it.

Stop it. Hope I called that cloud and that cloud called me back

I have stilettos. - And I have altocirrus.

Jeez, Quinn. We could be looking at this in a book.

Don't you ever feel like you're missing something?

No bro, I hang out at that school

I see what those saps go through

Hope, I want to meet normal people

Quality people, who aren't involved in the illegal drug trade

I'll try not to take that personally - Jeez, is it wrong to be part of LIFE?

I mean ok, we're in it but we're not in it!

All its because our parents.

Chill, man. We're not some crime op with pit bulls and AKs

Mom and Dad are boutique dealers

Great. Maybe they'll give us all 'boutique' cells in prison.

Quinn, you want quality? There it is.

Dad's sweet new Mongolian hybrid.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

You fuckin brown-noser. Are you done already?

It was easier in the country. More space. Fewer distractions.

Hmm Like those police choppers circling every other day?

I find that to be pretty distracting, Diana

He needs a girlfriend. - Then maybe he'd loosen up already.

Jeez, how did we ever bear a kid that doesn't inhale?

Sure he's mine?

The only thing he knows about females is from sexing our plants.

Maybe we should get him a hooker

Ahh, great idea

I don't want you to hurt yourself boys but please be careful with that.

Marilla. They can handle that. That's what we're paying them for.

I got it here. Alright. Easy, easy.

Hi - Hello

Uhm, I'm Quinn and I mow some of the lawns around here.

How nice of you to offer

We're the Connors, from West Haven

Dr Charles Connors

And where do you live, Quinn? - Oh just across the street.

Oh, I love the aubergine trim around the windows

Charles, look! - Marilla, we've discussed this.

We're not 'aubergine trim' people.

Hey, where do I put the good china.

Crystal.

Hi. - Hi.

This is Quinn. He's offered to take care of our grass. - Uh, your lawn.

Of course. - Crystal, the china goes upstairs, as in, inside.

Hey um, d'you wanna walk to school together tomorrow?

I still don't know where it is. - Well.

Sure, okay.

Great I uh, I'll see you then.

I see your parents take great pride in their property.

The only good weed is a dead weed, I say.

Charles is fussy about appearances.

Burn them all, won't you? Bag them and burn them to ash.

You know, my parents say pretty much the same thing.

Welcome to the neighborhood

Thank you

Doctors, huh? From West Haven

I hear that in West Haven they will flog you for chewing gum in public.

Well then, they'll keep to themselves. That's good. - No, that's great

All these flamingo-worshipping dolts keep to themselves

because that's all they care about is themselves

They're not all dolts. - Most. You know, you kids should be enjoying this.

There's almost no rebellion left. - Not if I can help it, Dad!

I don't know what upsets me more, Missy

The fact that your street sales are putting us at risk

or that your goods are cut from my castoffs!

I wouldn't sell these to a frat house!

Quinn. You just guanoed the same seedling twelve times.

Oh

Stop! - You don't get it Hope. We clicked.

Bro, you're so deprived, you'd probably click with a plush chair.

So what's the problem? - Her parents are conservative types Hope.

They'll probably think we're a pack of new age eco-lunatics, at best. - Well, we are

And when she goes to school tomorrow, it's OVER

Some guy is gonna snap her up in a nanosecond

Some quality guy who plays sports and his family doesn't grow

dope or have bat shit cappuccino in their fridge or a kid

sister running a CARTEL from the back of her Jeep!

Some of those school boys are hot. In a smelly-beast kinda way.

Yeah, you're screwed. - You're a big help, Hope.

I don't get it. Are they related, or are they dating?

They're related and they're dating

So she broke up with the other guy?

Mm Quinn, uh you better put on some sunscreen

There's a bit of UV spillage from the halide lamps

Uh how much is a bit dad? Are we talking like a bit of cancer?

Less than sunlight. Well have to re-fit the reflectors tomorrow.

You better put on a hat tooÀúFÀúF

I just can't believe people really live like this

Mom, The OC isn't a tragedy - More like a horror movie

You don't wanna watch this It's very toxic to you

Who's that?

It's probably just the new neighbors from, oh SHIT!

Wood Sprites! Wanna buy some cookies?

What is with these kids? Take a goddamn hint already!

Well, the lights are on, they think someone's home

Yeah but the plants in here are in 12-hour light

phase. If we turn them off it'll ruin their photosynthesis!

GO AWAY, PLEASE! - Dad, they're just WOOD SPRITES!

Well, you look like big girls

Can't you read my sign?

Wel-come!

Well-thanks, but we're not interested

But everybody else on your street is buying them. It's for a good cause

Ah So you're selling conformity along with toxic

sugar treats? Well, did you know that the Wood Sprites can

trace their insidious origins back to Lord Baden-Powell, who

was not only a neo-facist, but was also an infamous advocate of apartheid?

What? - Yeah Ask your mom. And tell her that you'll just have

to peddle your little boxes of bigotry elsewhere. Night- night!

Mom, what's apartheid?

Bryce, that was excessive

I know, but how can their parents enroll them in a scam like that?

I mean, we don't sell poison to kids. Why should they be allowed to sell it to us?

Uh, you know why I have trouble making friends?

Look, if we're so freaked out by Wood Sprites, how am I

supposed to ever connect with people MY OWN SIZE!?

Wood Sprites are evil. They’re a League of pint-sized little narcs.

I was a Wood Sprite

Yeah but you grew out of it

Quinn, no you gotta leave some of the spurge

It gives the lawn natural character. - It'll spread to the neighbors.

Hey, if a little character spread to the neighbours that would be just fine.

Enjoy nine-to-five hell, suckers

Spew as much CO into the biosphere as you possibly can

Jeez, why is it that the smoke from that

thing is legal and ours isn't?

Hey, what's that smell?

New purifier. Now the air from the house

goes through a state-of-the-art re-odorizing filter

Mmmm Cherry blossoms

We still smell like skunk, Dad If you're looking for it.

Think of it more as Jerry Garcia's bubble bath

Great

Now be thankful bud. High school is the nursery

for all of this

Hey Wanna walk to school together?

Sure I'll walk with you, but I,I don't go to school. - You don't?

Oh, but I'm not stupid or anything