Devil's Workshop

And I am your host on The Lost Dimension.

Now, tell me brave viewers, what scares you the most?

Ghosts, demons, UFOs?

Or you simply give yourself the heebie-jeebies?

Well, on tonight's episode, a visitor comes knocking.

Whether it'd be in human form?

Well, you're gonna have to hold your breath.

When I was a little boy, I got food poisoning at school one day,

and I received permission from one of my teachers to go home early.

And I come home...

then I start hearing strange noises coming from upstairs in my parent's room.

It scared me half to death, you know, I turned white.

I didn't know what to do, so...

I went and got a big knife.

Same knife my dad used to cut the Thanksgiving Day turkey.

And I could hear my mom's screams getting louder and louder,

and I knew she was in trouble.

It was like she was staring death in the face.

And so I opened the bedroom door...

then I saw a large man in his ski mask

fucking my mom.

So, I started stabbing this guy over and over and over.

But... it was a mistake.

A terrible mistake.

It turns out the man that I slaughtered was my own dad.

They were role playing.

Went home from food poisoning and end up murdering my own father.

It was all very embarrassing for me.

But isn't life just a one big embarrassment?

I'll be honest, your talent's more impressive than your resume.

Uh, thanks. Thank you.

- Really great. - Thank you.

- A little about the role. - Mmm.

This scene takes place in the character's childhood.

This is one of the things that led him down the path to demon studies.

Funnily enough, it's actually based on the very same demonologist

that performed an exorcism on my wife.

He's a tortured, troubled man with a dark past.

I need an actor to rip their soul out and put it on screen,

not just get high and collect a paycheck.

Well, I don't smoke. So...

No. But, yeah, no, I can do that...

if you could cast me, or whatever, in this. Or...

Are we done? Okay. Thank you.

- Thank you. - Clayton!

Hey! Clayton! Oh, my gosh, you fucking...

- Donald! What's up, man? - Studly!

Doe-eyed motherfucker! How are you, buddy? Mm!

Life's good, dude. Just, yeah, yeah, existing. You?

- Existing? - Yeah.

Wow! The gratitude is just exploding out of you right now.

- Okay. - No, I'm good man.

- I'm fucking busy, dude. - Yeah?

Yeah. How are you though? You're looking pretty svelte.

You good? You malnourished? You gettin' all your vitamins?

- I'm worried. - Yeah. I'm good, dude. I'm good. Yeah.

- Yeah? - Donald, I'm good.

Just, just, you know, been auditioning a bunch.

- Uh-huh. - And then looking for...

looking for some new headshots, or something.

- I'm sure. - Do you have a phone call? Or...

- No, no. - What's going on?

I, you know, it's crazy.

I didn't know that you would...

I mean, they were going this way on this part.

I'm just... I sincerely hope that at some point this year you do work.

- Thanks, Donald. It was good to see... - No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, for real, for real.

This is just a side racket for me.

I make all my paper on this fucking thing right now.

And it is sad. I need it. I want it.

I have to do it. I fucking love it, too.

You know what I mean? But you're a real fucking...

You know, you're a real artist, Clayton.

- You are. You're a real artist. - Yeah.

I bet you fucking make yourself cry in the bedroom, don't you?

You do the bedroom break down.

Do you? Is that what you do?

Do you do the bedroom breakdown?

- Hey! - Hey! There she is.

Wow. Oh, my God! Looking tight as hell.

You're lucky you have a cute face.

You're lucky you have a boyfriend.

Hi, Clayton. It's Aunty Sherry.

Wanted to check in to see how you're doing.

Oh, wow!

I'm looking at photos of you and your mom right now.

Oh, this one is...

You are so adorable.

Such a little tiny pee-pee

in the bathtub with your mommy.

I visited your mom the other day.

Left some new flowers by her grave.

Remember that song she always used to sing to you?

Greensleeves? Remember that song? It was so fucking annoying.

But you loved it. It was sweet.

Anyway... oh! Your NCSI e pisode, I watched it.

It was terrific. I am shocked how good it was.

And I can't believe that they cut you out of it entirely.

Okay, bye-bye.

- You're happy. - I'm happy.

- You're happy. - I'm happy.

- You're funny. - I'm funny?

- You're funny. - I'm funny.

- You're funny. - I'm funny.

- You're funny. - You're hot.

Okay. Very good. Very good.

You guys, take your seats.

Okie-dokie.

I think the only one who hasn't gone is Clayton.

Do we have an odd number of students?

Don, my man, you wanna do repetition

one more time for Clayton's sake?

All right, gentlemen. Come right this way.

All right, Donald, you're going to kick us off.

First thing that comes to mind, don't think too hard about it.

And here we go.

You're stupid.

Really?

Come on, Clayton.

I'm stupid.

- You're stupid. - I'm stupid.

- You're stupid. - I'm stupid.

- You're stupid. - I'm stupid.

- You're stupid. - I'm...

- You're stupid. - I'm stupid.

You're stupid!

- Faster. - You're a dick.

Oh. You're dumb.

- You're a fucking dick. - You're dumb.

- You're fucking short. - You're dumb.

- You're a short dick. - Please repeat what he says.

- You're dumb. - You're dumb. I'm...

- You're dumb. - I'm dumb.

You're scared.

Repeat what he says, please! I'm not...

- You're scared! - I'm not scared.

- You're scared. - I'm not scared.

- You're scared. You're scared. - I'm not scared.

- You're scared. - I'm not scared.

- You're scared! - I am not scared!

Don... dude... ship.

You think maybe you could, uh, talk to your agent?

See if he'd be down to take a meeting with me?

Oh. I mean, that's gonna be a hard, Chippy.

He's fucking real cocksucker. You know that.

I mean, you know how hard it is for me to get him on the fucking phone.

I get it.

So maybe you ask him to come to my play next week, see me in action.

I mean, you gonna comp him a ticket?

What? No. He'd have to pay full price.

We have to pay to rent the theater.

You're coming at me right now...

it's like you're a baby seal trying to swim in a world full of sharks.

And you're about to get clubbed and get fucked raw.

You're like a fucking bottlenose dolphin here.

I mean, I'm embarrassed.

And I'm only telling you this because you are so talented.

But it's not about your talent.

It's about your height, your weight, your face, your temperament.

Other than that...

you are an amazing teacher.

You know what Don?

That kind of honesty...

is what makes you great.

- Oh, thank you. - Keep using it.

Hey, Clayton, buddy, it's your dad calling.

Hope you're doing all right.

Wanted to tell you Max and I watched your NCIS episode.

We didn't see you in it.

Are you sure this was the episode you were in?

Just wondering if they deleted your scene.

I know that happens sometimes.

You know, Max's son might be able to get you a job

as a junior broker at his company.

He said his company is the next JP Morgan.

No, it's Goldman Sachs.

Oh, sorry. Max has corrected me.

It's Goldman Sachs.

Hello?

Hey, Clayton.

I got Sean on the other line.

Okay. Uh, great.

Hey, Sean, you're on with Clayton.

Yo.

Yo. What's up, man? How are you doing?

I'm good. I'm good...

- Fuck! - You okay?

Nah, I just bent my knee. Fuck, that hurt.

Hey, so, I talked to the director from Psychic Highway.

- Okay. And? - And he really liked you, man.

Ah, dude, that's... that's great. That's great.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

Anyway, they want you back in

for a call back on Monday...

11:00 a.m.

You'll be there, yeah?

What are you nut...? Of course, yes. Of course, I'll be there.

Great, man. Look, this first one was good,

but this next one you gotta crush.