Counterfeiting in Suburbia

I don't know if I can do this.

Chin up, girl.

Remember,

it's all about attitude.

Hi. Can I help you ladies?

We'll let you know.

I'm assuming you ladies

found everything you were looking for?

Not everything.

Probably have to hit Armani after lunch.

Oh, right.

What do you say, Ri, Spago,

or sushi?

I'm kind of sick of fish.

Me too.

Spago it is.

Did I say something funny?

No, ma'am.

I get it.

You think we can't afford these clothes.

Not at all.

I'm sure your mother's credit card

has plenty of overdraft protection.

Actually, we'll be paying with cash today.

I see.

So, all one bill, then?

Yup.

That'll be $1,915.38.

Okay...

And there you go.

Keep the change.

Great.

Thank you, ladies.

Do you need any help with your bags?

Oh, no, we're good, thanks.

Thank you again.

And that's how it all started.

It was so easy.

For a moment, we forgot

we were actually breaking the law.

We were two naive high-school students

embarking on a path of crime,

and deep down, I knew it wasn't going to end well.

Where do you want to try next?

I could use a new car.

Maybe an Audi.

That new cabriolet is hot.

Okay, are you nuts?

What?

We are not doing that again.

Whoa! Hang on--

It's worthless paper, Erica.

Are you having a senior's moment?

That "worthless paper"

just bought you a whole new wardrobe.

Okay, we were this close to getting caught.

Do you know

what the penalty is for counterfeiting?

Do you?

No, but that's not the point.

That's exactly the point.

Did you see the look on Morticia's face

when you slapped those Benjamins down?

She didn't have a clue.

She was a clerk at a clothing store, Erica.

Of course, she didn't have a clue.

What are you doing?

Printing some more of these babies.

God, it even feels like money--

Yeah,

because it's 75% cotton,

25% linen...

just like the real thing.

See, this is why we're going to be rich,

attention to detail.

You don't get it.

Look, the newer bills have security features

like microprinting and holographic ribbons,

things I couldn't duplicate even if I wanted to...

which is sort of the point.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

Not this way.

What's wrong with you?

This was your idea.

I thought you wanted to have some fun

while paying off some bills.

I do,

but I don't want to go to jail.

Well, news flash,

your aunt isn't exactly bringing home the bacon

these days.

I can't tell you anything.

She's here.

Promise me

you'll print more.

Forget it, Erica. Come on.

Come on, Ri, you're killing me here...

I'm not going to let you do this.

Do what? -Aunt Karen...

Hi, um...

Riley's got math homework,

and she was going to blow it off

to go see Oliver.

Wow, narc much?

Riley...

we talked about this.

I like Oliver, I do. He's very polite.

But you've got six months left of school,

you've got to buckle down.

I wish we lived in a world where "A"s in art

could translate into a viable career,

but we don't.

And you can't get into a good college

with a "C" average.

I don't even want to go to college.

At least, not yet.

Anyways, we can't even afford it.

Scholarship money.

There's plenty of it out there,

but you have to earn it.

That means good grades.

And I hate to sound like a broken record,

but you need a job,

some responsibility in your life.

Actually, we were just talking about this.

Fong's Market is looking for a new cashier

to fill in on the weekends,

and I put in a good word

for Miss Underemployed over here.

That's amazing.

Do you think she has a shot?

Uh, we don't know yet.

Maybe.

Well, you gotta go out there, you know,

you gotta... show the flag,

let 'em know you want it.

Early bird gets the worm and all that.

Hmm?

Aunt Karen... 'kay.

What?

Did I violate our no-PDA rule?

Because this isn't a public place, you know.

I'd have to check the fine print,

but I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to kiss my niece

in my own kitchen.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Why are you telling her you're getting me a job?

She's going to be wondering

where all the money is coming from.

I figured you might need a cover story.

Okay, no, I told you,

we are not doing that.

See you tomorrow, homegirl.

Dammit.

Hey, Stephanie. -I love your jeans, Ri.

Thanks. -They're really cute.

How's it going?

Ah, it's all right.

I've got a math test next, so, you know--

Hey, girls,

Those jeans don't make your ass look fat at all.

Bitch.

Missy Rogers, queen of backhanded compliments.

Right?

You know, the other day

she told me she thought my hair looked nice.

I actually think she was serious--

G'ah!

Hi, Oliver.

Uh, hey, Steph.

I gotta get to class.

I'll see you guys later.

See ya.

Don't forget, it's chess club today in the...

What were you and the Grim Reaper

talking about?

Okay, first, she has cancer,

not the plague.

And she's in what-do-you-call-it,

remission.

Well, speaking of stuff that could kill you,

I think my dad's gonna kill me

when he finds out I'm failing chemistry.