You Me Her

Last season on "You Me Her"...

It's really happening.

Kylie: It is

our two-month anniversary.

Emma: The things I'm gonna do

to you when we get home...

Emma: Uh, so, this is

a bit awkward, but you

postponed the last two

scheduled signings,

and I just want to make sure

that we're still on for Monday.

Yep. Tell Kylie

and pop some corks.

Are you sure that you left

for the right reasons?

And you're still

getting divorced Monday

and driving

back to Seattle?

Yes.

I texted Emma that Jack and I

would be out of the loft all day

so she could come deal

with all the shit that

we've been storing.

Did Izzy not

know you'd be here?

Of course she knew

I'd be here.

I think she wants us

to scream

and throws things

at each other.

What the fuck?

What the three of us

did here was special.

I told you, Izzy,

this was a mistake.

If you walk out that door,

don't call.

You are dead to me.

Well, congratulations.

You're pregnant.

You have got to be

fucking kidding me.

You have

a right to know.

Izzy:

Why is she here again?

She was at a meeting.

So why is

my Spidey sense screaming

that something weird's

going down?

What the fuck

are you doing here?

Yellow roses,

the official flower of apology.

Em, what really matters is,

what do you want?

I want this baby.

And I want my husband.

And Izzy.

...glad that you'll be --

Iz!

What?!

I'm pregnant.

And I'm keeping it.

I'm aware of how acutely

fucked up this must seem.

And seven months ago, I would've

thought the same thing.

She is never gonna

feel permanent

in your world with your kid.

Jack: Actually, that's

exactly what we were

discussing on the way home.

We wanna make it official.

Wouldn't be my first

Poly Commitment Ceremony.

If any one of us

tries to leave again,

there's no coming back.

I hereby now pronounce you

spiritually, soulfully,

and lovingly committed to

one another forever and ever.

Whoo!

Ah. Oh.

Dear God,

why is it so bright?

It's called morning.

Happens almost every day here

in lovely Hawthorne Heights.

What do you say we, uh,

break this little sex slump

before the nausea kicks in?

Okay.

Mm, too late.

Mm.

Just, um,

start without me!

Ugh.

So, our pregnant wife

just told us to have sex

while listening

to her barf.

I've never been so aroused.

Come closer

and bring your penis.

Coffee?

Yeah.

You look nice.

Thank you.

Ooh.

Watch out for these.

That's a household calamity

waiting to happen.

My boots?

How the hell

did those get there?

I don't know.

You think maybe, like,

a burglar came in

and tried on your boots

and then used your toothbrush?

It's the only thing

I can think of.

Very funny.

Should we change the locks?

Poor baby maker.

I'll get you tea.

Okay, I am officially

the anchor in this relationship.

Just, you know, cut me loose.

I won't be bitter.

That's nonsense, honey.

You are the wind and the sails.

God, at least

soothe me credibly.

That was pretty good.

Hey, you know,

there's more to life

than sex, weed, and booze.

No way.

I know. It sounded

very strange to me, too, but...

exhibit "A."

Iz, that's really sweet,

but you must be so bored.

I mean, good thing

you work downtown

so you can grab a drink

with Shaun and Nina, right?

Yeah. Totally.

Besides,

traffic is a real bitch

when I get off my shift

at Directions, so it works out.

Yeah.

Mm.

And sometimes

it stays bitchy

till, what, like, 2:07,

3:00 in the morning,

depending on the night?

Yeah.

Wait a minute. So you're saying

that a burglar didn't come in

and use her boots

and her toothbrush?

So, have you guys just been

getting your jollies off

at my expense?

Hey, babe, seriously,

just do your thing.

Actually, we all need

to do our things.

Yep.

We're talking about

masturbation, right?

Uh, I've been doing

some research,

and it is becoming