Snatch

Albert: Spain. Costa Del Sol.

A fugitive's paradise.

My old man had it all figured out.

"Drink beer, tan like an orangutan's arse

and consume all the paella you can eat."

That's always been Vic Hill's view, anyway.

Get the loot, get your people out to the Costa,

job done.

And we almost made it, too.

(gasping, panting)

Man: What was that?

(shouting in foreign language)

(coughing)

Mum!

Oh!

Lotti!

Lotti!

I'm here!

Where's Charlie?

Charlie: It's okay!

Hate 'Em's got me.

You all right, son?

(man shouting in foreign language)

Dad?

Victor Hill, where the bloody hell are you?

I'm here! I'm over here, Lil.

Albert: Who the hell were they?

It was too dark. I couldn't see.

Is it gone? All of our money?

All of it, gone.

All ten million.

Ten million Euros and it's gone.

So close.

Albert: It's us, we're idiots, this life of ours.

Bullshit.

Charlie: It's only money, Al.

Got it once before, we'll get it again.

Are you sure about that, Charlie?

I mean, are any of you sure about that?

Gentlemen.

Today I would like to present you

with a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity.

To be part of something new, exciting, special.

Now as you look around you, you may see nothing more

than a rundown old bar, maybe.

But what I ask of you is to call upon your imaginations.

Cast your minds to the future,

a future where The Bunker Bar isn't just

one of the Costa del Sol's best destinations.

No. But the only one worth going to.

Charlie: Where do I sign, Al?

Reckon? Reckon they'll go for it? I don't know.

It just feels a bit like I'm flogging a timeshare in the 80s.

Just sell them on you, okay?

People invest in the person and the passion

even more than the idea.

Yeah.

Ice to Eskimos, Al.

Ice to Eskimos, Al.

You seen Billy today? -Not yet.

Billy! Where are you?

Billy?

He didn't come home again last night.

Oh, probably out ravaging

that temperamental Mediterranean goddess again.

Lucky sod. -He's not a lucky sod.

He's miserable. He has been ever since Lotti dumped him.

He's shagging everything with a pulse to get over her.

And let's face it, you ain't much better

since Chloe gave you the elbow, are you?

Please! I'm a 100 percent over Chloe.

Yeah. -(stammers)

By the way, she did not give me the elbow.

Jus-- just decided that, you know,

a life on the lam was not for her.

Charlie, she jumped ship in Biarritz

before we even got to Spain.

Accept it, you were unceremoniously dumped.

So stop walking around with that face like a pickled onion all day.

Yeah, no, no. At least I was brave enough

to offer my heart to someone.

The longest you've ever committed to anyone is 48 hours.

Have you seen Billy? -Not a peep.

And it was 24 hours.

Let's run it again.

Today, gentlemen, I'd like to present you

with a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity...

Oh, yeah.

I saw an advert for a lovely finca outside of town.

Three hectares, a pool,

nice garden to keep you busy, Lil.

High up on the hill with an amazing view.

Visibility for miles.

Visibility's not what we're seeking out at the moment, Vic.

Look, I told you. I don't need a big house.

I just need you.

And here I am, Lil.

A reformed character, as directed.

We've been here for six months...

without a hiccup.

We can make this work.

Yes, my love.

We can, and we will.

I'm just gonna go and see Albert.

See what's cooking.

Vic?

Pick up some fish for lunch, would you?

Fish for lunch. Got it.

(grunting)

Hey! Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here!

You tell 'em, Lottie.

Morning, Clarence. How are you today?

Mm.

We can put a man on the moon,

but we still haven't figured out

how to prevent a hangover, Lottie.

Cafe solo then?

Muchas gracias, chica.

Manny, Manny, Manny.

Octopus. -Nice.

That's a nice octopus. Thank you.

Did you get the other thing I asked for?

Si. I, uh, I got it, Hate 'Em.

Good boy, Manny.

Fanta! Fanta! Stick that in the pot!

Get that in the pot! Be the boss.

(Fanta gasping)

(gun clicks, fires)

Aah!

That's how you become the boss.

You hear from your investor? Still coming in, isn't he?

At midday. Just like I told you eight times yesterday.

All right, just checking.

If you need me, I'll be in the back.

Is he all right?

We just need this investment,

or this place goes under by the end of the month.

(cursing in Spanish)

(clattering)

Oh, she just wanted something I couldn't commit to

at this point in my life.

Vic: Morning, Albert.

All right.

What's the matter, son? You seem distracted.

No, just getting ready for a meeting.

A meeting that requires a stiff drink

at 11 o'clock in the morning?

Don't worry. Just a drink.

But I do worry, Albert.

Ooh!

I am a partner in this fine establishment, after all.

You're a silent partner, yeah, so just...

And seeing as I've had my wings clipped

by you and your mother in regards

to my usual line of work,

may I remind you that this is

our only source of income at the present juncture.

It's a meeting with an investor.

And I've got big plans for this place.

We are Hills. We don't borrow money, we take it.

Yeah, well, you know better than anyone

we're doing things differently now.

It doesn't involve robbing banks, does it?

(chuckles)

The Hills now make an honest living.

As honest as the day is long.

(oil sizzling)

Fry the onions. -No!

What's the matter? You getting all excited.

Henry, stop pretending you can cook

and let's go and have a sharpener.

It's about that time, Victor. -(chuckles)

Fanta, do not make a dog's dinner out of that paella.

I'll be back later. -What?

Behave yourself.

Vic, I'm coming!

Good morning, gentlemen.

Welcome to The Bunker Bar.

It's not speaking to me, Lenny.

Looks like a non-starter to me, Bruce.

Albert: As you look around you, gentlemen,

you see nothing more than...

well, a work in progress.

I mean, and let's face it, not unlike

many of the other ramshackle establishments

flogging paella up and down the Costa.

It's a bit hot in here, don't you think?

Lenny: You might want... -(fly buzzing)

...to consider putting a few ceiling fans.

Yeah, now what I ask of you is to, uh--

is to call upon your imaginations

and cast your minds to a time in the future

where The Bunker Bar is not just

one of the Costa del Sol's best destinations

but the only one worth going to.

Now, imagine it, a place

where the Euro elite will be treated

to an oceanfront experience like no other.

What else we got on today?

I've got a charity do at four.