The Morning Show

Here's your coffee.

Thanks.

Two more days of being 49.

Enjoy.

Yep.

Paul, Paul, Paul, what are you doing here in the middle of the fuckin' night?

-I don't know. Just couldn't sleep. -I get it.

And, hey, happy early birthday since I won't be seeing you Sunday.

Thank you, but I'd rather forget about this one.

It's from Alex.

Same stupid song she sends me every year.

Let's do it, boss.

She is such an idiot.

I love this song.

Happy, happy birthday, baby

Although you're with somebody new

Thought I'd drop a line to say

That I wish this happy day

Would find me beside you

And Chip's wondering if you'll reach out to J.Lo,

see if she's interested in talking about the situation in Puerto Rico.

-Sure. Of course. -I'll set that up this evening.

Questions for the education reform debate Tuesday.

Wait, Tuesday?

That's the same day as the wild card game. I'm doing that.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I'll talk to Chip about it.

Hey, hey, hey!

-Happy birthday weekend, Big Daddy! -Okay!

Thank you. Thank you.

-Happy birthday! -Hi!

-Hey, happy birthday, man. -Jake!

Man of the hour.

-Don't shortchange me there, Daniel. Hey! -There he is!

-Man of the year. -There you go.

-Hey! -Happy birthday.

Thank you. What do we have? What do we have?

"Power's yet to be restored in Puerto Rico

following the devastation of Hurricane Maria"?

Thank you.

The perfect gift for the woman who has everything.

How old does this make you?

Well, if this were Logan's Run, they would've killed me 20 years ago.

Help me out?

Old enough to have seen Logan's Run.

Hey.

Hey.

Happy birthday.

Thanks, not till Sunday.

-Oh, yeah. -But thank you.

-Happy birthday to you... -Thank you.

You got the Hurricane Maria copy there?

-I do. -Okay.

-See you in a bit. -All right.

-Hey! -Hey! It's the fuckin' birthday boy!

What's that spot?

That's just a finger smudge. My bad.

Oh, my gosh. There it is.

Wow! It's here.

Thanks, man. Appreciate you bringing it this early.

-Hey, thanks. Wow. -That's why they call it a crotch rocket.

Oh, my God. Mitch is gonna love this.

-Which is so lame. -I agree.

Chip, we have a scheduling conflict here.

You have me doing the education reform debate.

And it's the same day as the wild card game.

-Yes, about that. -Yes.

Mitch is gonna cover it.

What? Why?

It's not a big deal. The network just wants to try Mitch on the playoffs.

But I do the playoffs.

Yeah, but I think they just wanna try it.

YDA's closing the gap. They're just throwing shit at the wall,

see if they can get more eyeballs in the morning.

You'll be back on it next year. It's fine.

Chip, people expect to see me in the studio after the game as a tradition.

Isn't that what baseball's all about? Tradition?

It's a museum masquerading as a sport?

Look, I'm on your side, okay? It's just...

The network gets a little nervous, and they did a test.

What?

A test?

The network did a test?

I see. So they pay people 50 bucks to come in for a ten-cent opinion.

Exactly. It's stupid, and it's random, okay?

It's just that Mitch happened to test very well.

Mitch tests really well when he tests with me. Okay?

-I agree. -Did they test him with Alison?

Because that's when they should've tested him, when I was away last month.

Because this party of one, this focus group, saw it and it sucked.

Look, they're gonna do more tests.

The cream is gonna rise to the top. You are gonna be fine. Relax.

Oh, my God. Chip, you used to be my producer.

Don't pull that shit on-- I am still your producer, okay?

I found you. Hello. I found you.

And now you've found your golden goose?

No, you are my golden goose.

It's just that, technically, I have two golden geese.

But now Mitch has you and Fred and Reid in his side pocket.

And I know what you guys do.

You hang out, you talk about girls.

You smoke cigars, you play golf.

You give Mitch more good stories, then more people love Mitch.

The more people that love Mitch, the better he's gonna test. Come on.

I get this. I'm not an idiot.

It's not that complicated.

-I know. -Come on.

-What? -Makeup's ready for you.

All right. Thank you. I'm not done with this conversation.

-Okay. Okay. -Okay?

-Seriously? -What?

Don't worry.

Do I look worried?

Worried. Jesus.

-Coffee for you. -Claire, right?

-Yes. -Okay.

-And one of these is yours. -Yes, thank you.

-And, Lay... Layla... -Thanks. I'll be fine with that.

Okay.

-Lindsey... -Yes, hi.

-Take that. -Thank you, Carla.

-And... -It's Claire, but--

And Donny. Donny...

Oh, Donny! That's yours.

And Jared...

-Coffee. -Thanks.

Sorry to bother you, but who is Jared?

Sorry, there are just so many names to learn here.

I'm Jared. Head booker. Learn my name.

Sorry.

-Don't take it personally. He's just-- -An asshole?

Well, yeah.

Sorry he's your direct superior.

It's all a learning experience.

But I have my goals I'm here to achieve,

so I just figure I'll use every part of the buffalo,

even the asshole.

-Claire? -Yes.

Go make sure Alison's dress showed up for the birthday segment, would you?

-Will do. -Thank you.

Thank you for being human.

-Hey, Jared. Come here. -Yeah.

-What's up? -What the fuck, dude?

What do you mean "what the fuck"? What's going on?

Why is Alex talking to Owen Gorman for the Homeland Security story?

You asked me to find someone to cover the confirmation hearing.

No, I asked you to find a senator to cover the hearing.

Someone who is, I don't know, in the actual Senate.

Here you go. Thank you.

As you know, Gorman is a member of the House of Representatives.

We do not care about the opinion of Florida's second district.

Gorman is great TV.

Gorman's an attention whore.

He's also an attention whore that you book biweekly.

So from now on, there is a moratorium on booking Gorman,

unless there's a fucking atomic bomb in Tallahassee.

I had Reuben Bowen, but his press secretary just pulled--

There are 14 senators in this committee.

-One of them wants to talk. -It's late in the game.

I have some connections in Sadie Worthington's office.

I can see if I can get her.

Yes! Fuck, yes! This--

Why did you wait until now to share that information?

-Guys, who cares? -I...

-Who cares? Just go. Go. Go. -Going.

I'm gonna push the story as late as I can.

-Keep me updated. -Okay!

Jesus. Fuck.

-She's a go-getter. -Yeah. Gorgeous too.

You're so shallow. Get your head out of the gutter.

I learned by watching you, Dad.

Do you ever pinch yourself because you got me instead of Alex? I gotta be more fun.

Gee, you think?

-Good mornin'! -Oh, well, well.

Happy 5-0, Mr. Kessler

Wow. Am I old enough for you yet?

Give it a couple of years. Nothing gets my juices flowing like an AARP discount.

I will put it in my calendar.

Alison, wow. That dress is something else. Really nice.

-Alex! -Yes.

You see that dress that Alison's wearing?

That dress that was just in my immediate eyeline? Yes, I did.

-I did see it. -Why don't you wear any dresses like that?

-Oh, I'm sorry. -Hey, Chip, Chip.

Can we get some dresses like that for Alex? Is that doable?

Yeah, I'll see if I can pull some strings.

Nope. Don't pull anything, Chip. We're good.

We are live in 30 seconds.

-You know what? -Mm-mmm.

I would take you in that dress over Alison any day.

Last looks.

You're so sweet.

Because if you were wearing the dress, that would mean she's naked.

-There it is! -Right?

We had it. First of the day, guys.

-You saw that coming. -I did.

You knew. You knew I was gonna do that.

-I didn't wanna spoil your punch line. -Thank you.

-Thank you for going with me. -We are live in five, four, three...

Wow.