The 7.39

I'm going to Miss my train.

Ryan, I thought I got Mondays off.

I'm going to smell that all day now.

Cat food. Smell that. Why would I want to do that?

I'm going grey. So do what I do, dye it.

No, I don't mean just my hair, I mean my face.

Look, skin's like window putty. I look knackered.

Well, feel free to jump in any time you want.

Actually, Ryan, if I could be alone?

No? Oh, Okay. Hi.

I told you not to put things in halfway through the cycle.

It's a washing cycle, isn't it?

There's nothing "eco" about it if you have to wash it twice.

And will people leave the thermostat alone, please?!

I'll See you tonight!

Bye!

See you later!

Anyone?

Anyone?

All right.

I've got total body pump at 10:30 and boxercise at lunchtime.

Enjoy Boxercise. Go and make them suffer.

I've got to go fight for a seat.

Kick them in the ankles.

Love you. Love you. No, love you.

I actually do have to go. I know. See ya.

See ya.

Platform one for the 07:39 to...

Here we go. Elbows out.

...A trolley service of drinks

and light refreshments is available on this train.

This train is for London Waterloo.

Excuse me, you're in my seat. Sorry, is it reserved?

I was just putting my coat up. I don't see a reservation.

No, there are no reservations. So it's your seat because?

Because I saw it first. You reserved it with your magic eyes?

I was putting my coat up and you barged in.

I didn't "barge" in. Snuck in, sneaked, sneaked in.

I didn't "sneak", I sat down. There are rules, etiquette,

otherwise it all becomes a bloody free-for-all! No need to shout.

I'm not, I could just do without this on a Mon...

Fine, just have it. Just have it.

No, no, no! If you need it so badly, I'll just get up.

I'm actually getting off at the next stop. Really? Yes.

Are you sure? Thank you. That's very kind.

What a kind man. Thank you. Very kind. Thank you.

Yeah, thank you.

So, everyone's happy.

This train is approaching its final stop.

This is London Waterloo.

Change here for London Underground services.

Please remember to take all your personal items with you

when you leave the train.

Anyone drown? No.

But it's early.

Who leaves plasters in the pool? It's the men.

With their verrucas and their athlete's foot.

Pleasant journey, then?

Some man bawled at me for sitting in his special seat.

I swear that commute's going to kill me, Kerry.

Two hours a day breathing into someone's armpit then home to

sit with Ryan and discuss confetti.

Let's talk about work.

I love work.

Who here likes their work?

Monday morning I wake with a silly grin on my face

cos I get to see your lovely fresh faces.

Bank holiday? Waste of time. Easter, what's that about?

I love targets, deadlines, I love it all.

But perhaps some of you haven't noticed,

it is a competitive market.

And if anyone here thinks there's time to sit around watching videos

of cats while our clients have got properties standing empty

7,000 square feet in Leyton,

this warehouse in Uxbridge

then they are mistaken.

THESE rents pay your rent.

Sorry, Jubilee Line...

You stopped for coffee, Martin.

Now...

I've lost my train of thought. We're finished.

Just erm... get on with it, will you?

Look at him.

Can't even manage a hot drink.

One of your appointments, isn't he?

Well, he's a dead man walking, Carl. Really?

What? You want me to erm...?

Would you mind, awfully?

Couldn't we just give him a written warning?

What, another one?

They've just had a kid.

Well, if you're really worried, tell him it's my bad.

No.

My responsibility.

"With great power comes great responsibility." Where's that from?

I don't know, I'm sorry. Spider-Man.

By end of week, if you please.

Candles and a live band. It's your own little bistro.

What is this exactly? Frere Jacques, I think.

No, I meant the black stuff on the fish.

Tapenade. I know it looks like a tanker disaster

but you can scrape it of with the back of your knife-that's what I did.

No, I love it. A taste of the Med. I need a new violin.

And where's our beloved son? Play rehearsals.

Christ, not again. I've only just got over Equus.

I said I need a new violin.

And how much is that going to cost me? I don't know? 400?

HE SCOFFS I'm not made of money, Charlotte. This one's awful.

Well, is that the violin's fault?

Just give it a break, will you, maestro?

I'd pay her four hundred quid to pack it in.

What?

It's expensive,

but the big plus is we can do the whole wedding in the same venue.

Sal?

Look, they've had a cancellation and we've got first refusal.

It's a bloody great castle, Ryan.

What, you think it's too much?

Not if we come under attack by Vikings,

but it's just me and you getting married.

"Just".

The thing is, I've done the big wedding thing before.

The bagpipes and smoked salmon for 200

and I hated every second of it. Not with me! You weren't marrying me.

Which is exactly my point.

You know, it's different this time.

Do you know what I would love?

Me and you, sneaking into a registry office on a Saturday afternoon.

I don't want to sneak anywhere. I want the whole world to know.

Yeah, I want the world to know too.

I just don't want them all at the reception.

I'm not doing this for fun,

I'm doing this cos I want everything to be perfect. And it will be.

I just question the need for a portcullis.

Oh, come on, don't sulk.

Please?

Let's go to bed.

Let's sleep on it, yeah?

I shouted at this woman on the train today. Like a nutter.

That's me.

The nutter on the train.

You're tired, that's all.

And it's only Monday.

Let's go out. Just me and you.

Somewhere that's not a parents' evening or a school play.

Are there places like that?

I could meet you in London, get a hotel,

go for dinner, go dancing. What, in a nightclub?

A special club for old people.

Glen Miller and orthopaedic chairs.

I haven't danced since our wedding.

Ah, the day the music died.

Love you. Love you too.

Argh... (PHONE ALARM BEEPS)

I've told you a million times,

you've got to rinse the plates before you put them in.

See you later.

That was completely out of order yesterday.

I really don't want to have that debate again.

No, me neither. I wanted to apologise. Oh.

It's this journey, you know, it makes people tense.

Especially me on a Monday morning.

Veins popping out of my head, tingle down my left arm.

I was probably a little abrupt too.

Yeah, you were terrifying. Quite rightly, though.

It's just you had the Holy Grail - front-facing,

near the exit, big table. That's like a lifeboat on the Titanic,

you've got to fight for it. I'll bear that in mind.

Bye. Bye.

We seem to be walking the same direction. Yes, we do.

Bit awkward. Yeah.

So how long have you erm...?

Week four.

Was I ever so young, so naive?

So, old-timer, how long have you been...?

12 years, no parole. Five weeks off for good behaviour.

Portugal usually.

I'll let you go on. I'll see you tomorrow, 7:39.

Just don't let me find you in my seat, all right?

Joking. Sorry.

Well, what can I do?

I'm at work!

Yeah... I know.

Look, I will try to come home early.

Yeah.

Well, as soon as possible, yeah.

Right, yeah.

Can we talk about this later, please?

Right.

This train is for London Waterloo.

Sorry, someone's sitting there.

It's a colleague. We're having a meeting. So, erm... Okay.

Pssst...

Thank you.

How is it?

It's all right.

Do you know it well? Yeah.

Well, I've seen it on telly.

Same thing.

I saw you reading yesterday and it inspired me.