LA to Vegas

Hey, Ronnie!

Why was I forced to check my carry-on?

I made sure it fit this little bag prison.

Normally I would blame Jackpot, but this one's on me.

I needed the bin space.

I'm moving all my stuff to Bryan's apartment,

and this is the cheapest way to get it from L.A. to Vegas.

No, the cheapest way would have been

a pack of matches to light it on fire.

Oh. Bernard's just lashing out

because he's gonna miss me.

Yes. Who else would be there every morning

to wake me with the rhythmic hum of a mustache trimmer?

Oh. I'm gonna go

before he misses me into a shrink I can't afford.

Ronnie!

Oh, my God! Jill!

I haven't see you since you got that JFK route on Delta.

I know. I've been wanting to call you guys,

but I've been so busy.

And I'm about to be even busier because

I just got promoted to the New York to Paris!

Dreams come true!

Dreams come true! -

Wow. You got promoted already.

And it's all because of you, Ronnie.

I didn't even know about that L.A. to JFK job

until I heard you talking about how much you wanted it.

I am so happy my dream worked out for you.

How are you? How's the L.A. to Vegas?

Amazing, too.

Every day is such a...

Heads up.

Blessing.

Dreams come true.

Dreams come true!

I can't feel my feet!

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

So you're really gonna propose to Patricia this weekend?

That's right. What a relief.

I was starting to worry I was doomed

to wander this earth alone like some lonely fish god,

forever searching for the right woman

to drag underwater and feed me eggs.

Oh, I love The Shape of Water.

What the hell is that? No, I'm just saying, after three

failed marriages, this one is different.

Patty is strong, decisive, insightful.

Yup, Captain Dave has finally found a co-pilot.

I have to go to the bathroom.

You just went.

- - I'm just so annoyed.

Jill's getting a promotion for a job that should have been mine.

How come she gets to go to Paris?

Paris is overrated. Hong Kong is where you want to go.

I've been there for several Taken- like auctions,

both as a sale item and a bidder.

I've never been anywhere.

I've never even been east of Des Moines.

You don't want to ask me

one follow-up question about that?

I just can't believe

stupid Jill is stealing my dream.

Forget about Jill.

She has to focus on work because she has nothing else.

And you're doing great.

You're moving to a great place with a great guy.

You're right. Bryan's the best.

You know he actually stops for ambulances,

instead of following them to cut through traffic?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Why don't you just kiss her already?

I know you want to.

Because she has a boyfriend she's moving in with.

Exactly. It's now or never.

Well, then it's never, because right now,

I am not in the head space to even consider it.

I mean, this unending divorce, Artem, is killing me.

I sent Meghan the divorce papers,

she sends them back, unsigned, with a list of more demands.

Colin, you need to end this.

You have to be strong, put your foot down and say "No more."

That's also an excellent way to get rid of poltergeists.

Oh, it's a shame. This was almost a normal interaction.

Maybe next time.

Uh, Dave, I got a text from my mom before,

asking me to meet her in Vegas at a Michael Bublé-themed

Cirque du Soleil. Do you know anything about that?

Yeah, Cirque du Bublé. They sell you the whole seat,

- but all you need is the edge. - No, she said she won

the tickets at a Jackpot Airlines raffle.

What the hell is going on?

Oh, I needed an excuse to get her on the Vegas to L.A. flight

on Sunday because that's where I'm going to propose.

I already bought her a gorgeous ring.

You wouldn't believe how many karats it has.

That is crazy. You broke up with her two weeks ago.

You can't propose to someone you're not even dating.

I know this is all happening fast,

BUT LOVE HAS ONLY ONE SPEED: Fast.

Don't worry. You could be maid of honor.

You'll be walking down the aisle with my best man...

A rescue dog named Maverick, who's never been on a leash.

So, I'll come by the airport

00 to pick up your stuff.

And then I'll officially be moved into our place.

I'm bringing a bottle of champagne

to break on the door to christen it.

- I think that's only for boats. - Oh.

Well, in that case, we'll just get drunk on champagne

and go to bed with headaches.

00.

Ronnie, I need your help.

We cannot let Dave marry my mom.

I mean, I'm already a stripper.

Who knows how this issue will manifest?

Yeah, I can't believe he's actually doing this.

I will help you talk some sense into him.

Let's go to the Paris because I'm going to Paris!

Actually, I'm sorry. I have to go do something,

but good luck with Dave.

Where is she going?

She only walks that speed towards costly mistakes

and free meatballs.

- What are you doing here? - Ronnie took all the crew bins,

so I had to check my bag like some dirty ground-o.

Thank you for flying Jackpot.

Wait till you see this ring I got Patricia.

Cost a fortune. Most expensive thing I ever bought.

That's how you know it's a smart move.

My most expensive purchase was buying back my daughter

from a local crime lord.

No, it was pizza oven.

All right, that's the last of them.

Wait, wait, wait. That's it? Where's my bag?

I don't know, bro. That was the end of it.

Oh, sweet. I'm on break.

No, no, no, no, no!

What's wrong?

My engagement ring was in that bag.

That seems unwise.

Airlines lose luggage literally all the time.

They do?

Yes! Why do you think people hate air travel?

People hate air travel?

Oh, God. What am I gonna do?

Don't worry. It's okay.

Jackpot Airlines has lost my luggage plenty of times.

- And they always found it? - Nope. Not once. I'm sorry.

I don't know why I thought that would be reassuring.

How was your meeting?

Oh, uh, what meeting?

Don't bother lying.

I saw you sneaking around the Delta offices.

I followed you. What were you doing?

All right, I went to see Delta HR.

Since Jill got that promotion, I was just curious

to see if they needed someone for the JFK route.

I knew it.

You're still pining for New York,

like some high school theater beard.

I just needed to see if it was possible.

But don't worry. It's not.

They remembered me from last time,

and they're not interested.

Fine.

If this job is still something

you care so much about, I will help you get it.

You can't. The HR guy won't even see me.

The universe does not want me to ever get this job.

Then that's even more reason for us to get it.

You hear me, you dried up old bitch?

Bernard is coming for you.

This is a disaster.

I have a stunning proposal on Sunday and no engagement ring,

or money to buy another one.

Hey, I have a good idea.

Captain Dave needs a ring, and you, Colin,

you have a ring from the flaming

wreckage of your marriage.

- Just give him yours. Perfect.

I'll buy it from you. Name your price,

and I'll write you an IOU right here.

I don't care what it looks like.

At this point, I'll settle for anything.

Oh, well, it is not anything.

It is a beautiful family heirloom

passed down from Nana Bear McCormack,

and I already told you, my ex-wife took everything.

She still has the ring.

If I ask her for something now, the divorce will just

- drag on forever. - Yeah, it will drag on forever

if you don't stand up to her!

And besides, our sad, pathetic Captain Dave...

He needs you, Colin.

Come on, Colin.

I've been there for you through your divorce

because I consider you a friend.

And as a friend, right now I need you there for me.