The Simpsons

D'oh!

Hey, shut up!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Dada.

Okay, what's an appropriate movie for you boys?

No. No.

Ooh, here's one!

Happy Little Elves Two: The Sequelf.

Two kids.

That movie's for babies.

Eh, watch whatever you want; I got you here alive.

Now I'm gonna visit

the only court I could never be in contempt of: food court!

Now, to save on calories,

I won't eat the paper in the fortune cookie.

Sir, I can't help but noticing that you are very near death.

Closer than you think.

Ow!

Homer-- Can I call you Homer?

Sure. What's your name?

Well, I'm not required to tell you that.

Homer, how long do you want to live?

Long enough that me and Marge can be one of those couples

who just sit and hold hands.

I heard Lenny had a terrible fall.

You know who else fell?

Dr. Hibbert.

Yeah, falls'll getcha.

Well, I want to help you make it to that glorious day.

For money.

This is the Butt-Whisperer 9000.

- Cushioned track... - Ooh!

hydration dock... - Got to have that.

built-in HDTV... - Loving it.

dog-walk side path... - A must.

liability opt-out button... - Keep 'em coming.

and drill sergeant mode.

Run, you maggot!

Faster, you tub of lard!

It's programmed to my specifications!

Oh, but I can't afford this.

Homer, you can't afford $300 a month?

No.

Well, what about ten dollars a day?

Easy!

How was Crappy Little Elves?

My friend and I only see it to rank on it.

Get that stuff off!

Take a picture first.

Now!

We're gonna be checking out

a delightful Hong Kong horror remake known as Crawlspace,

based on Paxing kongjian.

Well, count me out, Jimbo.

I don't need to hear how every chick in the movie

got what was coming to them.

Shauna, food for thought:

if we don't watch movies about torture in crawl spaces,

how will we know what to do

if someone puts us in a torture crawl space?

Not if, when.

Nah, I'm gonna go see one of those Jennifer Aniston movies

where she rolls her eyes on the poster.

Mm.

Babe, you know I don't want you watching a movie by yourself.

You're a total perv magnet.

Aw!

So, I'll find someone to take you.

Someone unthreatening.

Hey, you know our deal:

chaperones cannot be humiliating.

She's got you there.

How 'bout this one? Simpson?

Let's see.

No starter stache,

temp tat,

still has baby teeth at nine and 24.

Total pre-puber.

Now, you stay close to my Shauna.

If someone so much as peels a ladybug decal

off her fake fingernails, I'm blaming you!

Come on, come on.

The best murder's always first.

Not my eyelids!

Are you telling me

the real reason you started dating me

was so you could buy my flower shop?

Yes. Your lease was the last thing stopping me

from tearing this place down

and building the biggest horse crematorium in Manhattan.

But none of that matters now.

All right, we've seen his ass.

Let's go.

Hey, I can hook you up

with pinto and black beans.

Oh, I'll do anything for free beans.

Anything.

Hey, Nametag.

Do you know who her boyfriend is?

Jimbo Jones.

I got to go sort tortillas!

Corn, flour, corn, corn, no gluten, corn.

Two stuck together?!

Oh, now I got to fill out a form!

Listen, lady, you do not two-time the man

with the skull T-shirt.

Jimbo doesn't care about me.

He didn't even notice my side braid.

Oh, that is cool.

Looks like two snakes trying to kill each other on your head.

That's what I was going for.

You know, for a second grader, you're pretty sharp.

I'm actually in fourth grade,

but I read at a second grade level.

They think I might have a problem.

Wow.

Why did I see that movie

the day before I have to clean the crawl space?

Come on, boy! We've got to go home!

I saved big bucks on the delivery charges.

D'oh!

I got to go.

He's my ride.

Not so fast, Simpson.

FYI, you got another date tomorrow with Shauna.

Why can't you do it?

We're going to a seminar:

"Extracting Lunch Money from a Cashless Society."

We're gonna rob the guy giving the seminar.

Bart and I'll figure out something.

Yeah.

Ah.

Doesn't get any better than this.

Huh?

That's weird, my armpits are getting wet!

Wow, the TV's hooked up to the Internet.

You can stream whole seasons of old TV shows.

Hmm.

Seen it. Seen it. Seen it.

British version was better.

Totally scripted. Sued it.

Stranded? What's that?

Stranded was a show about people marooned

on a mysterious island that's riddled with

religious and scientific paradoxes.

It was huge.

Well, the first season and the last season.

Well, islands are always entertaining,

from Gilligan to Iwo Jima.

A plane crash!

Wait a minute.

That flashback raised more questions than it answered.

Oh, my God.

Inside the coconut,

my pet cat from when I was little.

And on his name tag

is the number of our flight!

Purr-gatory.

Where are we?!

What a great opening episode!

And I'm sure everything they said will pay off handsomely!

Hmm. Ah!

Huh?

Let's go. And don't look guilty.

Young lady, I need to check your purse.

I didn't steal nothing.

If anything happens to her,

I'll beat you up from inside your brain.

I stole this.

You stole perfume?

Uh, yeah, me.

I use it all the time.

and I are taking a trip to mall jail.

Isn't that what used to be the Beanie Baby store?

Shut up.

This is so cool.

You took a fall for me.

No one's done anything for me before.

Uh-oh.

Don't worry. I made sure he can't get too far.

I'd use my legs but I've forgotten how!

Come with me.

Hey, the first time we lost Maggie was in this store!

Bart, here's my thank-you gift.

What could a girl have that I...

Oh, my God!

It's just like Dad's!

Bart, you haven't touched your mashed potatoes.

More breast?

What-- No!

I'm offering you a chicken breast, you boob!

Doesn't anyone here realize I'm only ten years old?

Bart, no dinner means no dessert.

I'm just not ready for cookies!

You know, I should get back to the treadmill.

He exercises so much, but he looks the same.

I guess the weight will all come off at once,

some day in the future.

Don't you believe anything Homer says.

His first word was a lie.