Mum

(Yeah. Why are you sitting here in the dark?)

(I was just having a little think and a cry.)

- (I've already had seven.) - (Right.)

Do you want to talk about anything?

Oh, no. I'm fine, actually.

Thanks, Cathy.

Thanks for asking.

I talked it all through with the foxes.

Sorry, Kelly, I'm finding it hard to work out what that means.

Well, I was crying and I didn't want anyone to hear, so I went out into the garden

and there was this fox there with his babies

and I sort of used the opportunity to pretend

I was having a conversation with them.

OK.

Did they have any advice?

Well, no, not really.

They're foxes.

Hm.

It was quite wet out.

I think I might've got a bit of mud on the carpet.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I'm sure it will be OK.

Sorry. It's a little bit messy, isn't it?

Kelly, love, is this about Jason's interview this morning?

Of course not! No. Oh, God, no.

No, I really want him to get the job, don't I? Yeah.

That's an amazing opportunity for him to live and work in Australia.

Yeah.

Hm. I'll be in the kitchen.

Oh. Thanks, Cathy, but I'm fine.

- I'm amazing. It's all good. - Good.

And he'll go to Australia without me

and I'll die alone and I'll never have sex again

and I'll be old and horny and get a hunchback and...

- This one? - Cutlery drawer.

- It's all cutlery, isn't it? So it all goes in the cutlery drawer. - Oh!

- Where was I? - Hunchback.

Oh, yeah. So I'll be old and horny and get a hunchback

and people will see pictures of me when I was young and go,

"Oh, my God, she wasn't bad then and now look at her!

"She's got a massive hunchback!" Imagine me with a hunchback!

I don't think you need to worry. You're not going to get a hunchback.

I bet that's what all the hunchbacks said and now look at them!

- Cutlery drawer. - Oh, yeah.

God, I didn't realise I'd finished that.

One of the, er... foxes got in.

Or I sort of, um... fed him.

Hm.

I know it's upsetting, love, because I'm upset, too,

but Jason hasn't even got the job yet, let alone moved there.

Mm. You sound like the daddy fox.

- Do I? - Yeah.

But just, like, in my head because, well, he's a fox, isn't he?

He can't talk.

Can he?

- No. - No.

Oh! I put these into alphabetical order for you.

- Oh, thanks. - Yeah. Also...

This one is all of your instruction manuals

and those are all your bank statements in chronological order.

Thanks.

Electricity's expensive, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, so... in my head,

the daddy fox was leaping all over the conservatory going,

"Don't worry about it! Be cool.

"We don't even know if he's going to Australia. Chill out!

"He's not having an affair.

"Just because he liked something a girl put on Facebook doesn't mean he's shagging her."

- Do you want to talk about that, as well? - No, I'm good.

OK.

Cathy?

Why is he even Facebook friends with her?!

I said to him, "Why would you like something on Facebook

"that's been put there by a woman unless you wanted to shag her, you sexist pig?"

How did he take that?

Well, no, I didn't actually say it to him, did I, Cathy?

I'm a massive coward. But I could have.

- Oh, Derek! - Sorry.

Why didn't you close the door?

Kelly could've seen you.

- Derek! - Don't speak to me. Hangover.

Hm! You OK?

Oh! What do you think?

- Your boxer shorts are on back to front. - Yeah.

So, did you...

Excuse me.

Did you have a nice night with...?

- Sorry. - That's all right.

Did you have a nice night with Michael?

Oh, God!

All right, Uncle Derek?

Yeah, top of the world(!)

- What time did you get in? - I don't know.

- What were you drinking? - Everything.

- Pardon? - Everything!

Don't speak to me. I've got a hangover!

Sounds like your phone, love.

- Oh, God, that'll be Pauline! - Hm.

That's my room.

Oh, are they for me? Thanks, Mum.

Got my interview this morning.

Yeah, exciting!

Where you been?

Oh, hi, babe.

I've been down here, chilling with your mum.

Making plans for Halloween.

I've got my interview today.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I forgot about that.

- You forgot about it? - Yeah.

How could you forget about it?

I've been talking about it for weeks.

You're so funny sometimes.

I know. D'uh!

Yeah, no, just come over, darling.

Yeah, it'd be really nice to see you, Pauline.

Yeah, no, I'm up.

I was about to go for a jog.

I don't know, ten miles?

I told you.

I've changed.

What time did you get in?

Oh, I've got absolutely no idea.

I'm sorry, I was supposed to be up and out before you...

Oh! Before you, um...

Before you got up.

That wasn't me, was it?

Kelly.

- Oh, thank God for that. - Huh.

Jason's got his interview this morning.

- For Australia. - Yeah.

Kelly's dealing with it as anyone would, by staying up all night,

drinking seven cups of coffee

AND... talking to a family of foxes.

How are you feeling about it?

Yeah.

- Well, I'd better put on some... - Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you.

They've got this place in Sydney that I was looking at

where you can cuddle a dolphin.

Oh, wow! Great!

- What, like, you have to actually touch it? - Yeah.

Oh. Great.

You do a tour, it costs 600, but you get, like, Aussie beers,

surfing, barbie on the beach.

- They take you to the Outback. - The Outback? Yeah.

Is that where there's loads of snakes?

There's snakes everywhere in Australia.

Excellent.

And there's so much surfing.

Yeah. I love surfing.

I really, really love seawater.

I'm going to go surfing every morning as soon as we get there.

Or, like, once I've learnt to surf.

Yeah. Me, too.

And once I've learnt to swim.

Did you break my digital photo frame?

No.

- Of course not, no. Why would I do that? - Hm.

Oh, God, no! Yeah, it was me.

Oh, listen, I'm really sorry. It was, er...

Derek was kind of... sort of chucking things and...

.. and I was kind of hitting them.

I'm really sorry. That's really bad. I'll get you another one, honest.

Don't be silly. I never use it, anyway!

Has he, er...? Oh, sorry. Morning breath.

You should've smelt what Derek just did upstairs.

It made the hairs on my arms stand up.

Did he say anything about the evening at all?

Why?

Nothing.

Come on. Clearly, there's something, or you wouldn't have said that.

Cath! Cath!

This is interesting, Michael.

No. No, it's nothing, honest.

Well, we'll see about that.

Hm!

Oh, no! Here he is!

How's your head this morning, Michael?

Pauline's coming over.

Oh, OK. Bit early, isn't it?

Yeah. So I think it must be good news.

- I think she's going to let me back in my flat. - Oh, good.

That's a bit crumpled, love. Have you got another one?

Yeah, but, er...

Mm, how about a T-shirt?

You could cover it with a jumper.

Hm!

I need to do a wash.

No, I am, I'm excited, yeah.

How does your mum feel about you going?

She's all right, yeah. She's happy for me.