Spin City

Who read the papers?

Not the sports... Not fashion... And not the comics.

Guys, as city officials, you need to be better informed.

You gotta make time for the gossip column.

"City hall's own Caitlin Moore

"is being considered as a guest host

on the 'live with Regis' show."

That's crazy.

No one can fill kathie Lee's shoes.

From her TV debut on "name that tune"

through her stint on "good morning america,"

she has blossomed into the definitive woman of the '90s.

This is "biography" on "gay & e."

Okay, I guess you all read about it.

A producer saw me speak at a fundraiser

and asked if I wanted to audition.

What do you guys think?

I think you'd be great.

You'd be wonderful.

Unbelievable.

You're awfully quiet, Charlie.

What do you think?

What, you'd be singing and dancing and stuff?

I guess.

Tell a few jokes, try some witty banter?

Yeah, that's right.

I think it would kill the morning talk show format

as we know it.

Paul: You'll be w... you'll sparkle!

You'll sparkle!

I can't believe you just said that!

It's nothing personal,

it's just that these TV people, they're clever.

They can think on their feet.

Hey, I can think on my feet, mister... Wrong... head.

That stings.

We got a problem, guys.

Construction crew found some bones

underneath the West Side highway.

For the last time, she moved to Florida!

They think they're dinosaur bones.

Paleontologists want to excavate,

construction workers want to plow ahead.

I need you two to mediate.

You know I always love to do extra work,

but I have a deep-seated fear of bones.

I'll have the crew rub some barbecue sauce on them.

The fact is Stuart and I don't work very well together.

It's nothing personal, it's just I...

I detest him with every fiber of my being.

Hey, if you're still mad about that trust-fall exercise,

get over it.

I was confused.

What was confusing about "catch Paul"?

Stuart, that was out of line,

but Paul, you should've seen it coming the second time.

Get on it.

Well, Charlie, because of you,

Caitlin's decided to go through with the audition.

Just because I gave her one honest opinion?

What is it about women?

Guys don't mind hearing the truth, yeah?

Exactly. It's like if you asked me about that tie,

I'd say, "are you moonlighting down at the pier

making balloon animals?"

It's no big deal, right?

Whatever!

Uh, sir, I'm concerned you've been working

a little too hard lately.

I appreciate your concern, Carter, but I'm fine.

Okay.

Could you pass me a cream?

Will you get off my back?!

Sir, you need a vacation.

Now, I have an excellent travel agent.

I'll handle the whole thing.

I'll think about it, Carter.

But just make sure it's not like the time

you took me on a gay cruise.

Sir, it was the staten island ferry.

I don't care who he was,

he should keep his hands to himself!

Okay, guys, let's get down to business.

You'll both get equal time to make your case.

We shouldn't hold traffic up for a bunch of fossils.

Done.

Construction guy wins.

Forget the bones.

I was told I'd get equal time.

And I was told this suit could be machine washed.

Fine, go fix the road, but this could be

the greatest archaeological find of the century.

I'm talking major media... cover of time... Newsweek...

Fossil monthly.

Can you excuse us for a second?

Did you hear that? We could be famous...

like that guy who discovered the dinosaur bones in Utah...

You know, Dr. What's-his-name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy, that guy.

Yeah, I want to be just like him!

Paul... we're a team.

We're a team.

Maybe they'll name a dinosaur after us...

you know, a bronto-paulus or a pterodacty-Paul.

Bondek-asaurus.

Ooh, a swing and a miss.

I can't believe you got the mayor

to get on that plane last night.

After his 12th airport Martini,

I was able to convince him that the big tube was a magic castle.

So, you, uh, still want my help with this audition?

Oh, definitely. I've got to do well.

I want to put Charlie in his place.

Okay.

Let's start with the coffee cup.

Kathie Lee's mug was an extension of her.

If you can be comfortable with the cup,

Regis will be comfortable with you.

Now... Say hello to the cup.

What?

It's a performance exercise.

Come on.

Hello, cup!

Hello, cup. Hello, cup.

Hello, cup! Hello, cup!

Hello, cup! Hello, cup!

Hello...

don't feel bad.

I've always found that mug to be a little standoffish.

You don't have to go through with this.

It is happening, and I want you to be there to see it.

Okay.

Bye, cup.

Next order of business...

Regis loves a cohost who can sing,

and kathie Lee had an amazing voice.

Sir, what are you doing?

I had the audio-visual nerds

set up this video-conferencing screen here.

I wanted to keep an eye on things.

So ... What's up?

I'm auditioning as guest host for "live with Regis."

With your natural charisma, you'd be a first-rate host.

You, Caitlin, were born to be on national TV.

Thank you, sir.

Stuart!

He's gone.

Oh!

Oh, Mr. Mayor.

Oh, I forgot that you were there.

Well, I'm always here for my staff, Paul.

What's on your mind?

Well, Stuart and I were supposed to go

to a photo shoot down at the dinosaur site.

At the last minute, he tells me that the location has changed.

I don't trust Stuart.

I have the feeling that he's trying to box me out

so he can take the glory all to himself.

Stuart, where were you?!

The gym.

I was down at the bone collector

because you told me that's where the paleontologists meet.

Honest mistake.

It's a gay bar!

Is that lipstick on your collar?

I may have lipstick on my collar

and suffered a minor misunderstanding

in the men's room, but that's okay.

That's okay 'cause you, Stuart bondek,

you're gonna get yours!

Paul lassiter is tired of being the office joke...

The office fool... The office... Jackass.

Thank you.

Walter, I like being your sidekick

because it's a kick being by your side.

This is all my fault.

You know, every time I'm honest with a woman,

it turns out bad.

Why? What happened last time?

This is it.

Caitlin, we're losing the audio.

Can you adjust your Mike a bit?

Oh, right, sorry.

Oh, my god, she lost a button!

I can't look!

I'll keep you updated.

Has anyone noticed?

Tough to tell.

I like this one. Let's call her back.

What?! They haven't even listened to her!

This isn't an audition! It's a peep show!

I know.

It's horrible.

Can we get a zoom on camera three?

Charlie, you've got to talk Caitlin out of doing that show.

She should know that the star of that audition was her breasts.

You saw Caitlin's breasts?

Why do I have to be the one to talk to her?

You saw Caitlin's breasts?

She's only doing this to prove something to you.