Embattled

Yeah, yeah!

Hey, Chief.

I'm not sure this is the right time.

Fuck that. They know me, Sport.

Any chance your nine-inch claim is a bit of an overstatement.

What?

Are you some authority on my cock now?

I've seen that. I'm not sure that makes me an authority.

When? After our workout.

Yes.

Well, it's not nine inches after I peel off my bone handles.

Even still.

Even still what, shit bird?

The physics just don't equate.

You think a woman of Jade's caliber was going to settle for six inches?

Look, all I'm saying is you are not nine.

Fine, eight.

If you think I'm dropping down to seven,

you need to go see a motherfucking optometrist.

The is dropping in 30 seconds, people. Who wants him?

Fuck, yes.

You know what time it is.

I love my baby so much.

I love you too, sweetheart.

Your time is now. Instagram.

I finally get to kill myself a commie.

Lock and load, motherfuckers.

I love you.

I love you too. Get him.

After all the talk, all the insults, World War III is finally erupting.

Tyron, USA versus Russia.

We've broken this fight down.

Stylistic, literally down to a molecule.

These guys cannot stand each other.

It's going to make for a spectacular match up.

It could be an instant classic.

Cash is in the cage. The crowd is on its feet.

Let's through it to the ring announcer, Richie Simmons.

Come on.

Now, for the fight we've all been waiting for.

From the sold-out MGM Grand in beautiful

Las Vegas, Nevada, it's time, for damage.

In the blue corner, fighting out of st.

Petersburg, Russia, standing five foot 8 inches,

weighing 170 pounds with

an impressive of 18 wins, four losses,

the world's number one welterweight contender, Timothy

'the Terrible' Koslov.

In the red corner, standing five foot

nine inches, weighing 171 pounds,

fighting out of Birmingham, Alabama.

With a record of 37 wins, one defeat,

the undisputed Lightweight Champion of the world,

the undisputed Welterweight Champion of the world, the Slayer,

Lukewood Cash.

All right, gentlemen, bring it in. Bring it in, guys. Let's go.

Gentlemen, you've both received your shots in the locker room.

You all know the rules. If you want to touch gloves, do so now.

You can't just commie fuck with nerve of agents fight?

It's 1:00 AM on the east coast.

Cash, do you want to get this thing started?

This election-meddling son of a bitch won't take long.

America, suck dick.

Get back to your corners. All right, let's go. Let's do this now.

Blue corner, are you ready? Red corner, are you ready?

Fuck, yes.

Let's go.

Come on.

Yes, yes.

That's it, fight's over.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

I'm feeling pretty tits right now but sure could really use a blow job.

That almost rhymed.

Eat your heart out, Emily Dickinson.

Yes sir, baby.

Cash, you are not posting that.

Never baby.

Oh, yum, yum, yum, yum, drink looks tasty too.

If that's all right, sweetheart. Please do not encourage that, Jeez.

Its called humor, darling.

Not where I come from.

Oh, burn.

Isn't my son a face God, Dazz.

Here we go.

I mean it's hard to believe with that

faggoty hair and those pretty-boy looks.

Chief here slipped one past the goalie back in college.

Sport was the youngest ever to make the US judo team.

Can you please shut the hell up and just drink your drink.

Deserey, we'll let you know if we need anything else.

No problem. Just let me know.

Thank you.

Are you fucking blind.

She's tighter than a seven-year-old Korean boy.

Enough with the damn Olympic card.

Since when did throwing out a resume for a tasty

piece of hair pie become a goddamn crime.

Have a beer with me, jack her back to the mansion.

No mansion jacking.

I've got a calculus test tomorrow.

Fuck arithmetic.

Well, you need to know mom's going to breathalyze

my ass right when I get home too.

Goddamn whack job she is.

Hey, dillweed she might be your ex but she's my mom.

Way to go, Jetty.

Apologies, Sport.

How is Miss Looney Tunes doing anyway?

No, threw in the towel last month.

What about Tard? How's he?

Come on, can you please not call him that for me, please.

Fine, pussy hole.

Don't you ever stop?

Yes. About 10 seconds before I puke.

How is Timofey 'The Terrible' feeling right about now.

About $3 million richer.

You?

I made a million bucks per second last night, Sport.

Crap. This is me right here on the left.

Love you, Jade.

You too, Jetty.

You got Kareef tomorrow at 3:00 PM.

I'll be there. Thanks for including me.

Always, Sport, it's fun.

Fucker.

Hey.

Too slow pussy hole.

This is mine, fucker.

I'm going to need you to help me out this afternoon, Jett.

Well I've got Kareef at 3:00 PM, Mom.

Just take his Xbox with you and stick him in Patty's office.

Patty is busy, Mom.

No she's not, trust me.

I don't want to go to the gym. He called me a tard.

I talked to him, that's done, okay?

I want to play with Patrick.

No chance, baby.

But I want to.

Today's no good, Q.

Can you get him his meds and finish up everything?

I got a client at 7:45.

Yes, go.

Just don't forget your lunches, okay? I love you guys.

Yes, I love you too. Here you go.

Swallow.

Open. Good man. Hey, when you're finished?

Plate in the sink, brush your teeth, and get dressed, okay?

Okay.

Hey, Jett. Hey Jett.

Yes?

Will there always be toys in the world?

Look I've got a huge test.

Just tell me yes or no and I'll promise I'll stop.

Yes, there will always be toys.

Forever?

Yes.

Ace, what's up, bro?

All good man. You good? Catch you, boys, later.

Alright.

Yo Q.

Hey, how you doing, man?

Looking handsome, dog.

Thanks, bro.

Feel good, boss.

My man.

Hey, your dad is filthy, man, that's the only way to describe it.

Dude, where you there when he made it rain at Olympic Gardens?

How did you guys see that?

Excuse me, I have a question,

do you guys ever stick out your tongues at each other?

Quinn.

Quinn, did you know Fat Lexy have big, giant lovely boobies?

Patrick, come on now.

It's funny, Mr. Stewart.

No, it's not funny.

Your dad is the shit.

Okay Jerry. Come on man, what's up? You want detention?

No sir.

No, that language doesn't fly in my class.

Make it quick, Jett. Tongue fixation.

No it's not tongue fixation.

Jet what the heck is wrong with you.

Okay, everybody, calm down, all right.

Thanks for the heads up.

Thanks, Jett.

Improper integrals, huh?

Can you get lower than an F?

Seriously when she hands back our tests mine's

going to have a big red G written across the top.

No.

Hope this fighting thing works out.

Nice baby, nice. You hit that hammer. Again. Good, good.

Now, don't get lazy, come on. Move together. QUick and fast. Let's go.

There you go. Move, move, move. Go.

Vaughn's Fight Academy, this is Patty.

Paid for this suit too.

Jamie's on two.

How's Quinn holding up in there?

Other than asking me if he can watch Pornhub, splendidly.

Jesus. All right.