The Carmichael Show

The Carmichael Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.

Who was that?

Didn't recognize the number.

If it's an emergency, they'll, like, leave a frantic voice mail

telling me who died and what the next steps are.

Well, did they leave a voice mail?

Yeah, no. No voice mail.

How can you just sit there, like, not knowing who called?

Doesn't it drive you crazy? It drives me crazy.

You know what? We should call them back

and we should find out who it is.

It'll be exciting.

I-I don't answer the calls that I don't recognize

'cause it could be anybody.

It could be Bank of America

calling, asking for all that money I owe them.

Or, like, it may be, like, this scorned woman from my past

that's calling, trying to seek revenge.

How many scorned women from your past want revenge?

And how much debt are you in?

Both are high numbers, Maxine.

Oh.

Hello.

What?

Are you kidding me? Yeah, no.

Come over now.

Yeah, 1311 Sycamore Ave, apartment 4-B.

Perfect.

All right. I'll see you soon. Peace.

Who was that?

That's my friend Shawn.

He just got out of prison. He's on his way over here now.

Wait. How-How long was he in prison for?

Oh, ten years.

Damn...

I am so excited to see Shawn.

Wait, ten years?

Yeah, and, uh...

Wait, as your boyfriend, Maxine...

and I never thought I'd says this...

but maybe you should change into something

less attractive, you know?

I love Shawn, he's one of my best friends,

but he's been in prison for, like, ten years,

and right now, your legs look like the Golden Arches.

You know what I mean?

- It's just... - Okay.

Should I be concerned?

No, don't be concerned at all.

Shawn is great and you're going to love him, really.

But... if at some point during the conversation,

you want to slip in this lie

about how you have herpes, it couldn't hurt.

Shawn's coming over.

Jerrod, we heard.

Your convict friend is free.

We came over to say the man is a monster,

a menace to society

and all those other movies that I can't think of the name now.

Boyz n the Hood.

Yeah, that one, too.

We hope you are not considering

bringing this man back into our lives.

Yeah, what she said.

Hey, Maxine.

So, wait, let me get this straight.

You guys came all the way over here

just to yell at me?

Well, your mama insisted on yelling at you to your face.

I wanted IHOP, but I thought,

well, y'all probably got breakfast over here, too.

We could just kill

two birds with one stone.

I'll have a waffle.

I'm not sexist, so I'm fine

with either one of you preparing it for me.

Don't say those things about Shawn.

He's a nice guy, he just got into some trouble.

He stole out of the collection plate.

He was getting change.

He stole our car, son.

He borrowed your car without asking.

He brought it back.

Jerrod, he was always coming over to the house

smelling like weed.

He gave me a contact high, I think.

It was relaxing...

but I'm still mad at him about it.

You guys, I'm sure that he has gotten

a chance to do some growing up.

I mean, it's been ten years.

Yeah, exactly.

Ten years in prison.

You don't spend ten years in the most violent place on earth

and magically reappear less violent.

Shawn's not violent, he's a drug dealer.

He's basically Gandhi

if Gandhi sold cocaine within a school zone.

And don't say things

like that about Shawn.

You're going to get in Maxine's head

and she's going to have these preconceived notions

of who he is before he even gets here.

He's coming over here?

Well, if he's coming here, honey,

I'm going to go hide all of your valuables.

This here painting, how much y'all pay for that?

The one with the umbrella.

Ma!

It's going in the closet.

Why are you guys going crazy over Shawn?

It's Shawn. You know Shawn.

You've known him since we were kids.

Yeah, and I knew since you were kids

he was going to be a drug dealer.

You could see it in his eyes. He had them cocaine eyes.

We used to pray for Shawn to turn his life around

and become a productive member of society.

But that didn't happen.

So now I'm focusing all my prayers

on those people in Flint drinking that gasoline water.

You know, when Mexico's

got cleaner water than you,

you know it's time to move.

Okay, you guys, come on.

Jerrod seems to trust the guy.

We should give him a chance.

I mean, especially at a time

where he needs support and to be

surrounded by people who love him.

Well, that's not us.

Why is he out so soon?

I thought he got 13 years.

He got out early for good behavior.

Good behavior in prison?

That's like when you don't shank somebody in the shower.

Now, good behavior for normal people,

that's like, say, you give a homeless man five dollars.

You ever done that?

I gave a homeless man five dollars once.

It was an accident, but it still felt good.

Maxine,

why are you letting a convict into your house?

Especially wearing that outfit.

I'm not saying you asking for it,

but you not not asking for it.

He's going to find out where you live.

Where you sleep.

Where you think you're safe.

But you not gon' be, 'cause he's watching.

Always watching.

Okay, relax, everybody.

It's Shawn we're talking about.

Not the woman that killed Selena, all right?

He's a good guy, and he's my friend.

And just because he went to prison doesn't change anything.

When he returns and gets here, he'll still be my friend.

My man!

Ah! What's happening?

Jerrod, what's up, baby?

Damn, you grew up on me.

You got a little taller, but you still ain't gained no weight.

Yeah, man. You look good, man.

Like, you got no visible gashes.

No neck tattoos.

You might be able to get a job at a bank.

Well, hello.

Welcome. I'm Maxine. Nice to meet you.

- Damn. She's fine. - Right?

Yeah. I mean, she's, like, a ten, brah.

- Yeah. - And not just by prison standards.

Well, thank you.

Oh, stop it. She look all right.

How you doing, Mrs. Carmichael?

Shawn, you're not gonna charm me.

I already know I'm fine.

Mr. Carmichael.

Yep.

Shawn,

talk to me, man... where are you staying?

Well, right now they got me at this halfway house.

You know, everybody in there look like a Batman villain,

but, you know, I'm gonna make it work

until I could find something better.

Don't... You can't stay at a halfway house.

You know what? Just stay here with us for a couple of days.

Now, look at that. There it is.

He hasn't been here five minutes,

and he already wormed his way into a place to stay.

Jerrod, don't let him charm you.

Look, Cynthia, he just got out of prison...

don't you think he deserves a couple of nights in a nice place?

I mean, have you ever been in a halfway house?

Do I look like I ever been in a halfway house?!

Well, they're overcrowded, there's no privacy,

no sense of safety or well-being.

It's no better than jail.

Look, I promise y'all I'm not looking for nothin'.

I just wanted to reconnect with my man Jerrod,

meet Maxine, and just pick up where I left off.