Alex, Inc.

When you start a new company,

it can feel like there aren't enough work hours in the day.

So I came up with a little idea for how to fix that.

And that was to start work at breakfast.

Eddie, why aren't you wearing pants?

Sorry about that. I spilled some syrup on my slacks.

I had to toss 'em in the washing machine.

But don't worry,

I was able to add them to that load of your intimates.

By the way, you really ought to be

hand-washing a lot of that stuff.

We're still working out the kinks.

Mm. This milk has gone bad.

Oh, no, I brought that from home.

I'm intolerant of all milks except for walnut and deer.

You're sitting in my chair.

Well, I thought that was your chair.

It was... yesterday.

But today, it's that one.

Well, I talked to my friend, the chair fairy,

and she said that I could have this one today.

Not everything has a fairy, blondie.

Big day, everyone!

Al has a very important promotional appearance.

I booked him on the "Vanessa Stanhope Show."

Cool! Can't wait to listen!

Uh, you will not be listening.

That show is not for kids. She's totally R-rated.

Brian Sokolowski's mom lets him listen to it.

Well, Brian Sokolowski's mom is 95 percent chardonnay.

Ben, your girlfriend's calling!

She's not my girlfriend. She's my band mate.

The only thing we're interested in making

is beautiful music together.

I was in a band at your age.

I get it.

Make sure you make safe music.

Al, can I talk to you for a sec?

When are we gonna be done with this?

Oh, I think it's kind of working.

We're all getting along.

Wait, where's my folder? It was just here.

Maybe the folder fairy filed it away for you...

in the dishwasher.

It was a huge day for us.

If I could nail this Vanessa Stanhope interview,

it could change everything for the company.

Here are your talking points for the interview.

Sorry, but the printer was broken again.

Why am I the only one who even attempts to fix it?

Oh, I'm so sorry, Deirdre, but you're the only one who knows how.

Plus, you got those little raccoon hands.

You know how to burrow in there and wake everything up.

You know, at my old job at Cheer Up,

I used to actually produce radio shows.

It's a start-up.

Everyone's making sacrifices.

I had to talk to a guy with an artisanal mustache today.

- Oof. - Okay, speaking of Cheer Up, I called

over there to see if they would even consider promoting the podcast,

- and they want me to come in. - Really?

Why would they want to do that after the way we left?

I mean, tears were shed.

I mean, mostly by me, but tears were shed.

Surprisingly, they were open to it.

I thought Eddie could come with

since promotion is technically his department.

That's a good idea!

Eddie's been on a bit of a roll lately,

booking me on this big, fancy radio show.

I can't believe

Vanessa Stanhope actually knows who I am.

Who are you again?

Oh, Alex Schuman with Ajana.

I just want to thank you so much for having me on your show.

I'm a huge fan, and I really think

your listeners are gonna be very interested in my podcast.

No, they won't. This isn't public radio, man.

My listeners don't wanna hear you

softly try to solve a murder mystery

to indie music for 12 weeks.

Oh, it's not a crime show.

These are people who are stuck in traffic, all right?

They want you to make 'em laugh. Keep it punchy.

Give me short, sexy anecdotes.

- What are those, talking points? - Yeah.

No. You try to work these into the interview,

it's gonna be over before you can whisper, "Whodunnit."

Welcome back.

We are here with Arthur Schumberg...

Alex Schuman.

Who wants to tell you about his new podcast.

Boring!

But don't worry... he was just about

to tell me about the best sex he's ever had.

All right, kids. You two get to jammin'.

And I will get to jammin', too.

Those PB&Js will be up in a Jiff...

peanut butter.

All right, come on.

Can't all be winners.

Yeah, but some of them should be.

Did I tell you I like your shirt, Ben?

Yeah, like eight times today.

- Ben, be nice. - What?

Emily doesn't mind it when I call it like I see it.

That's my Benny-Bear.

He's so honest.

That's why his music is so raw and truthful.

This girl's out of her mind.

So, what's this chorus you've been yapping about?

Here goes.

What do you think?

Mm, not too shabby.

You're a little pitchy, but don't worry.

I'll be able to fix that in GarageBand.

Great.

I believe these are the chords?

While I was off plugging our podcast with Vanessa Stanhope,

Eddie and Deirdre were trying to get a plug at Cheer Up.

Glass of salad?

Don't mind if I do.

I can't believe you used to work someplace so fancy.

Get a load of this table.

What is this, mahogany?

Oh, yeah.

That's mahogany. Take a sniff.

I-I don't know anything about smelling woods.

Beautiful, but very hard to move.

We should probably just leave it where it is, then.

- There she is! - Deirds!

Eddie Laguzza, CFO of Ajana,

orange belt in Jiu Jitsu.

That's not a threat, I just have to tell you.

Eddie, would it be okay if we talked to Deirdre alone for a sec?

It's just some old colleague gossip.

- It would bore you. - Sure.

I think I'll go revisit that strudel platter.

Those are free, right?

Absolutely. Enjoy.

I love this place.

So, Deirdre, we've been worried about you.

Tom Moffat said his girlfriend called an Uber the other day

and when it showed up, you were driving it!

What the heck, Deirds?

Okay, well, that's just a way

to make some extra cash, you know,

until our salaries adjust slash start.

I only drive a few nights.

And weekends. And holidays.

And the Super Bowl,

and the even nights of Hanukkah, and my birthday.

That is so, so, so sad.

No, no, no. Overall, things are great.

Which is why I'm super psyched you invited me here

to talk about promoting Alex's podcast.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow your roll, Deirds.

Alex stabbed us in the back.

He can go to hell in a hand-basket.

- We don't even care how he gets there. - Skip the basket.

We asked you here because we want you

to come back to Cheer Up as an on-air host.

- What? - We miss your energy.

Your verve.

Your je ne sais quoi!

I mean, merci, but I'm happy where I am.

Sure you are, of course.

You don't need to decide right now.

Just think about it.

- Hey, Quinn. - There's my man!

Quinn would be your assistant.

He just graduated from massage school.

Very strong hands.

I recommend the peppermint oil.

It tingles.

Are you sure you were allowed to take that?

It was just sitting in the lobby on that table there.

Someone clearly left it behind.

So, you gonna take the job?

What? How did you even...

I've been around the block a few times.

Plus, the guy replacing the crudités asked,

"Is Deirdre gonna take the job?"

Okay, no. Totally no, never ever. Totally never.

That's... It's not even a thing.

Oh, that's very convincing.

- Who's that guy? - Quinn.

He'd be working under me.

I mean, I'd be over him.

I mean, he'd be on me... on my desk.

There would be a hierarchy,

and I would sit on top of him.

You know what I mean!

All right. You're telling me that the best sex you've ever had

was with your wife?

- Whoa! - It's true.

It might be true, man, but it is so boring. You know what,

I think it's time to wrap this up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. W-What if I told you

that it all happened in the back of a police car?